{"id":9518,"date":"2024-05-09T01:00:03","date_gmt":"2024-05-09T05:00:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=9518"},"modified":"2024-05-14T05:40:48","modified_gmt":"2024-05-14T09:40:48","slug":"farm-parents-what-do-you-really-want-in-your-next-chapter-of-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/05\/09\/farm-parents-what-do-you-really-want-in-your-next-chapter-of-life\/","title":{"rendered":"Farm Parents, What Do You Really Want in Your Next Chapter of Life?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/B1OL3ssfUCE?si=b0x9PoUWnZqQtx6n\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Imagine how wonderful life would be on your farm if you did not have to guess what other folks on your farm team really want for their lives, and for the farm business? I had the great joy of speaking to 540 young Iowa Farmers last month. Many of them are stuck in getting equity in transition due to the US tax laws which incentivize holding on to land and assets until the death of the grandparents or parents. I suspect you have your own story of curiosity as to why you are not able to get what you really want (power and control of the management, equity to grow and service debt, new housing, a peaceful workplace, etc.)<\/p>\n<p>What do you truly want for the next chapter of your life on the farm?<\/p>\n<p>Why is this such a hard topic to openly communicate with your family?<\/p>\n<p>When are you going to make your lifestyle desires and farm business vision known?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Please go back and read those 3 questions again. The farm founders and successors need clarity of expectations. Here\u2019s a text from a young Iowa farmer who speaks for many young people who are anxious about the uncertainty of their future.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">\u201c<i>What are the best ways to deal with off-farm siblings that haven\u2019t shown interest in the past, or put any work into the operation, but now all of a sudden want a piece of the pie?\u201d <\/i>My answer to this farmer was \u201cHave a coaching session with 3<span class=\"s1\"><sup>rd<\/sup><\/span> party facilitation. Keep it safe and respectful.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Most folks want their family to get along, to have a profitable farm, and not break off land to non-farm heirs.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Your family may have a culture of \u201cGrandma has 4 kids, so each kid will get a quarter of the land\u201d. This is creating great havoc and stress for folks who cannot see another solution.<\/p>\n<ul class=\"ol1\">\n<li class=\"li1\"><b>Where is it written that all adult children need to get land?<\/b> Are there other assets like non-farm property, cash, insurance, investments, diamond rings, vehicles, art, oak desks, which can be passed on? The issue here is the grandparents have very little cash or residue in their estate. This is the personal wealth bubble discussion which I have written about <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2023\/03\/16\/why-you-need-to-build-your-personal-wealth-bubble\/\">here.<\/a>When you have personal financial liquidity or what Derryn Shrosbee of <a href=\"http:\/\/www.33seven.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.33seven.ca<\/span><\/a> calls the \u201cFarm liquidity solution\u201d you have tools to cascade wealth without chopping off land.<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><b>Remarriage<\/b>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s great fear of divorce and more hands expecting wealth. Here\u2019s the young farmer text: \u201c<i>What happens when you have an uncle who remarried and wants his new kids to get all the family legacy<\/i>?\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Folks don\u2019t usually want to talk about inter-spousal agreements to protect the farm business. I do have a client family who wanted to set the example as founders, so they did go out to get a marriage contract done even though they have been married for over 30 years.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>No one wants divorce. Divorce on farms happens. It is a HUGE source of ongoing conflict and pain, so what are you doing to cherish and protect your marriage? What are you doing to protect your farm business from divorce? If business partners are getting remarried, you need open honest communication with a well-understood operating agreement and\/or shareholder document.<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><b>What is the story your parents are REALLY telling themselves?<\/b><span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Here\u2019s the young farmer text: \u201c<i>I keep bringing up succession to mom and dad. They keep saying \u201cWe don\u2019t know what we want\u201d and divert the conversation. Now I just sound like the greedy<\/i> one!\u201d I said: \u201cChange the story you are telling yourself. You need certainty. \u201cThis young farmer has parents who are not skilled nor prepared to talk about tough issues. Many of you cannot do this crucial conversation work alone, yet you are not willing to ask for professional guidance and help. \u201cBeing clear is kind\u201d says social researcher Brene Brown, and this is the quote deemed most helpful to a seminar I presented to South Dakota ranchers. The light went on for them as they realized they no longer have the luxury of avoiding hard conversations. My t-shirt says \u201cLove does not read minds. \u201c It is time to stop guessing what everyone thinks, feels, wants, and needs. Explore what stories your grandparents, parents, and siblings are telling themselves about the future and transition of wealth on your farm.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Ask grandpa or mom, \u201cI\u2019m just curious, what is the story you are telling yourself? Is this a scarcity mindset issue? How much is enough? Would you ask for the help of a financial planner to give you more financial security and certainty for your income streams as you age in place on this farm?\u201d<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><b>Large families with multitudes of expectations need professional facilitation<\/b>. \u201c<i>How much money do we need to make sure Mom and Dad are getting every year? How do you have a civil conversation with 13 immediate family members<\/i>? \u201cSays another text. The best way to deal with complexity is to break things down and start with each couple or family unit, then work towards the group meeting. In our coaching process we do confidential coaching of each family with the goal of giving them clarity of expectations, and positive conflict language to prepare each person with skills to be able to ask graciously and respectfully for what they need, and to share their vision of the future of the family and the farm. <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/shop\/\">The Conflict Dynamic Profile<\/a> tool is very helpful to get folks to see sharing emotions, creating solutions, and gaining the other person\u2019s perspective are positive behaviours to help everyone find common interests.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>Review and Answer These Questions:<\/strong><br \/>What I know\u2026<br \/>What I need to know\u2026<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 \u00a0 <\/span>(and who can help answer it ?)<br \/>What I want \u2026<br \/>What I do not want\u2026<br \/>What we do agree on: ________<br \/>What I could \u201clive with\u201d or seek to get win\/win.<br \/>What is the worst that could happen if\u2026<br \/>How can I prevent the transition from going wrong? How can we get more alignment of expectations?<br \/>What is the best that could happen if we reached out for help, shared honestly, and created solutions together?<\/p>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">***<\/span><\/p>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\">Elaine Froese, CSP, CAFA, CHICoach, and her coaching team are here to help you find harmony through understanding. Visit <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a> to book a free discovery call and to Book Elaine to speak at your next association event.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">Did you enjoy <em><strong>Farm Parents, What Do You Really Want in Your Next Chapter of Life?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0You might want to check these articles out too:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/04\/25\/tips-to-navigate-transition-storms\/\">Tips to Navigate Transition Storms?\u00a0<\/a><em><strong><br \/><\/strong><\/em><\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/04\/11\/being-an-emotionally-strong-farm-parent\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Being an Emotionally Strong Farm Parent<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/03\/28\/how-to-create-more-financial-transparency-with-your-farm-team\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Create More Financial Transparency with Your Farm Team\u200b<\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/05\/Value-Rocks-Eisenhower-Matrix.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Value Rocks &#038; Eisenhower Matrix&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/value-rocks-eisenhower-matrix\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; admin_label=&#8221;Image&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Discover practical solutions for young farmers facing challenges in farm succession, as Steven Bohr shares insights and strategies to navigate the transition storm effectively.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9536,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[297,352,1834,14,127,363,49,762,369,1832,1833,1831,622,1837,398],"class_list":["post-9518","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-agriculture","tag-family-business-meetings","tag-family-land-transfer","tag-farm-assets","tag-farm-family","tag-farm-family-coaching","tag-farm-management","tag-farm-transition","tag-farming-business","tag-iowa-farming","tag-landownership","tag-next-generation-ag-advocates","tag-transition-planning","tag-working-capital-in-farming","tag-young-farmers"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Farm Parents, What Do You Really Want in Your Next Chapter of Life? 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