{"id":9327,"date":"2024-03-14T06:00:36","date_gmt":"2024-03-14T10:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=9327"},"modified":"2024-03-18T14:11:39","modified_gmt":"2024-03-18T18:11:39","slug":"just-converse-it-feels-so-good-to-talk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/03\/14\/just-converse-it-feels-so-good-to-talk\/","title":{"rendered":"Just converse: it feels so good to talk!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/2safc02m_iw?si=Za2KJjgopIu_DJN2\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\">Being able to talk freely with your farm team and feel they understand what you need is a huge gift! Accept you can\u2019t make other people change, but you can change how you respond and handle things.<\/p>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\">Talking is the work.<\/p>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\">Decide today that you are going to become more self-aware and self-controlled around the way you communicate with your farm team. I strongly believe that good communication is the foundation of successful farms. Talking and listening well is the ultimate risk management tool.<\/p>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><strong>Your communication toolbox:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Accept that <\/span><b>solving problems is up to you<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Take responsibility for your level of skill in sharing your ideas, thoughts, and feelings in the culture of your farm workplace. Take charge and act. You\u2019ll get nowhere if you expect the communication problems to fix themselves. Begin with the end in mind, what do you truly want to accomplish in your conversation?<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><b>Know your communication style<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You might be action-oriented, very direct, and brief. You might like to think things through and process the ideas before giving a quick answer. People and relationships may be your focus of discussion before you attack the problem-solving agenda if your style is more relationship-based. Then again, you might be a \u201cdreamer\u201d idea style who likes to innovate with a discussion about the big picture of your farm, and you need time for folks to listen to your tangents, without judgment. Email me at <\/span><a href=\"mailto:elaine@elainefroese.com\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">elaine@elainefroese.com<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with <em>\u201ccommunication styles\u201d<\/em> in the subject line for a free 20-minute assessment.<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Accept that different is not wrong, it is just different. <\/span><b>Ask for what you need<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to have a better understanding and talk it out. \u201cI need you to look me in the eye when we are talking so that I am sure that you get my message.\u00a0 Observe the eyes which are called \u201cthe window of the soul\u201d. The mouth, eyebrows, and forehead are especially revealing of emotional state.<\/span><\/li>\n<li data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><b>Curtail cell phone interruptions<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: \u201cI need 15 minutes of un-interrupted time to get this settled, so please put your cell phone away! \u201c<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have a cell phone basket at the door for everyone to drop their phones, and come to the table for a \u201creal-time\u201d conversation with no interruption.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be open to learning what the other person\u2019s communication style is so that you can make room for their style. If verbose talkers are driving you crazy, ask for a timeline for the conversation and put some boundaries around it.\u00a0 \u201cWe have 15 minutes for this item, and then we need to make a decision.\u201d Some folks use pennies, where they have 3 pennies on the table and submit one each time they talk. When the pennies have been spent, they are to listen!\u00a0 I use a talking stick like a soft toy passed around to be held by the speaker. When that person is finished sharing their thoughts, then the talking stick is passed to the next speaker. Talking sticks stop interruptive behaviour.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Be aware of your communication hot buttons<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. I have trouble with the \u201cstrong silent types\u201d who say \u201cI don\u2019t know \u201cwhen I ask them a question.\u00a0 Farm coaches are wired to ask tough questions which can cause discomfort, but the outcome of knowing what everyone is thinking, feeling, and wanting is a HUGE benefit to courageous conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Think about what makes you defensive or angry when you are communicating with your farm team. You have the power to change your response. A good response might be, \u201cWhat would you like me to do differently?\u201d Just practice that one line for the next week and see what happens. Folks may be shocked at first that you are willing to change. This is not a manipulation game. This is creating new habits that help you reach a better understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>How do you know when you are getting better at talking through problems?<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask, \u201cIf this problem didn\u2019t exist or was solved, what would I\/we be doing or saying to each other?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Have a vision of what you want your farm workplace culture to look like and decide what steps you can take to make it happen:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of offering your opinion, invite questions that invite the other person to explain the reasons behind their position.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you don\u2019t understand, admit it, stay calm, and ask for a further explanation \u201cTell me more\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Acknowledge the other\u2019s position without agreeing with it by saying \u201cThat\u2019s an interesting perspective.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let the other person explain their \u201cwhy\u201d without interrupting.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask \u201cWhat if? \u201cuse powerful questions about future considerations or contingency.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><b>What needs to shift for better communication at your farm?<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It might take a set of fresh eyes and ears in the form of a facilitator to shine a light on the trouble spots that need a better tool for better talking and listening.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start by simply speaking kindly with grace to each other. Treat your farm team as well as you behave with your closest friends. Share meals together, and make decisions on a well-fed stomach, not an empty one while you are \u201con the run.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Small steps make a huge difference:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Speak in a calm and respectful tone. Look each other in the eye.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask permission if now is a good time to talk or when would work better.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Paraphrase what you heard the other person say to check that you got the correct intention of the message. (Texting doesn\u2019t have this dimension of tone of voice, which is why texting causes lots of communication breakdown and conflict!)<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make requests. Request that items that are hot issues be dealt with in a formalized meeting session, at a certain date and time, so that folks can process their responses and do research on the issue before the meeting.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask better questions. What would you like me to do differently to communicate better? What assumptions am I making? What am I responsible for? What can I learn from this situation?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p data-pm-slice=\"1 1 []\"><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">***<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Elaine Froese is always learning better communication. Click <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a> to reach out to her team today to discover how you can have more courageous conversations for farm transition.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">Did you enjoy <em><strong>Just converse: it feels so good to talk<\/strong><strong>?<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/02\/29\/how-to-embrace-a-positive-perspective-for-farm-transition\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Embrace a Positive Perspective for Farm Transition<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/02\/15\/insights-and-advice-for-farmers-and-ranchers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Insights and Advice for Farmers and Ranchers<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/02\/01\/help-my-farm-parents-dont-want-to-take-responsibility-for-family-conflict\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Help! My farm parents don\u2019t want to take responsibility for family conflict<\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/03\/Kick-start-Succession-Conversations-1.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Kick-start Succession Conversations (1)&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/kick-start-succession-conversations\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Effective communication is vital for farm success. Learn to understand and adapt to different communication styles, manage distractions like cell phones, and address hot buttons constructively. Explore strategies to foster a culture of open dialogue and mutual respect within your farm team.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9337,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[1680,4,1785,1782,49,1784,1759,1786,1781,1783],"class_list":["post-9327","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-communication-skills","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-constructive-feedback","tag-effective-dialogue","tag-farm-management","tag-farm-transitions","tag-leadership-development","tag-relationship-building","tag-team-collaboration","tag-workplace-culture"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Just converse: it feels so good to talk! - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Enhance communication within your farm team for better understanding and productivity. 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