{"id":8232,"date":"2023-08-17T11:02:52","date_gmt":"2023-08-17T19:02:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=8232"},"modified":"2023-08-17T13:38:02","modified_gmt":"2023-08-17T21:38:02","slug":"you-are-not-alone-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2023\/08\/17\/you-are-not-alone-3\/","title":{"rendered":"You are not alone!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/K91uGKuy4g8\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>As we flipped the chart of papers from the young farmers seminar in St. John\u2019s in 2012, a phrase caught my eye. A young producer had shared that one of the key insights of the day was \u201cI am not alone\u201d. Eleven years later, July 2023, my son, daughter-in-law, and grandkids had the joy of seeing puffins and eating lobster in Newfoundland. They were attending the Canadian Seed Growers Association meeting.<\/p>\n<p>Farm families are quite surprised to hear me affirm them with the words \u201c you are not alone\u201d in their journey of conflict. Many families across the country are quick to hide what is really going on inside the farm kitchen door. They are proud, independent, self-sufficient entrepreneurs who have no desire to \u201cair their dirty laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The funny thing about iconic Newfoundland pictures, is that you will often see an artist\u2019s rendering of the laundry being strung out to dry with the sea winds.<\/p>\n<p>As the harvest season overtakes the brain power of your family and causes the stress of harvesting the crop in a timely fashion, I encourage you to process your thoughts as you let the auto steer guide you down the field.<\/p>\n<p>I heard from a Colorado farmer who was applying fertilizer, while auto steer gave him the opportunity to view my webinars and read my blog on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.elainefroese.com<\/a><\/span>. You can now find my \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-harmony-podcast\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Farm Family Harmony Podcast<\/a>\u201d to keep you company and encourage you check it out <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-harmony-podcast\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a><\/span>. Don\u2019t let your family issues go on autopilot and drift. Use the thinking and reflecting time on the tractor to set up a game plan to embrace your farm team in a great strategic vision session. Call your advisors, maybe the chemical rep, who today was cited as the one who acts as an emotional support to the lonely farmer. The reps have seen lots of scenarios, and because they are deemed to be a \u201cperfect stranger\u201d type who won\u2019t share the real issues, they are trusted as confidants in some circles. One agronomist in Saskatchewan has just referred me to a struggling young farmer, and he reached out for a free coaching discovery call.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-8264 alignnone \" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/You-are-not-alone2.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"320\" \/><\/p>\n<p><strong>Who is your emotional support group beyond the farm?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I challenge you to drop your pride filters and reach out to folks who can help you facilitate solutions to your conflict and communication barriers and blockages.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Misery doesn&#8217;t love company. Knowing that thousands of other farm families are also trying to get their act together to do great business continuity, and work with family should give you hope that you can copy other\u2019s success.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We need to hear more happy endings and success stories. I guess that\u2019s why I am such a big fan of <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Country Guide <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">magazine and <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Farm Management Canada<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> stories that show us real folks who have embraced change and innovation to create a new chapter for their profitable farm business.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Can you reach out and ask for help<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you get really badly stuck with the four wheel drive during seeding, you quickly ask for help, because time is of the essence. This year dust is more likely an issue than muck, but recall what it feels like to be stuck, frustrated, and feeling helpless to get out of the mess you are in.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conflict is not bad. Being lonely and isolated is bad. Embrace outside advisors whom you trust to help you facilitate powerful conversations. The professional code of ethics that the <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Canadian Association of Farm Advisors <\/a><\/span><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">adheres to ensures that your family business will not become public knowledge. Ask your professional advisor to explain what confidentiality means to them, and how they practice it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pretending that all is well on the farm to protect your image and feed your pride is not helping you craft the healthy legacy that will sustain a profitable farm.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As agriculture producers, we are now less than 2% of the Canadian population, which makes us a unique culture\u2026and a minority.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don\u2019t whine about the \u201cgood old days\u201d, create the great new days of 2023, and make this your best season ever with all the support you need to embrace the continuing change on your farm.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are not alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Help is a cell phone call away, and a click on the internet. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make the call <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a><\/span>. Sign up for our waitlist <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/membership\/\">here<\/a><\/span> to join our membership site where we are building community to walk alongside you in your transition journey. You\u2019ll get time with me and great practical tools to keep you moving forward.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember, it is your farm, your family, and your choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">***<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">Did you enjoy <em><strong>You are not alone? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2023\/08\/03\/how-to-say-sorry-at-harvest-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">How to Say \u201cSorry\u201d at Harvest<\/span><\/a><br \/><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2023\/07\/20\/tools-to-get-better-at-fixing-farm-fightsconflict-resolution-101\/\">Tools to get better at fixing farm fights\u2026conflict resolution 101<\/a><br \/><\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2023\/06\/08\/helping-dad-share-his-emotions-to-get-clarity-for-all\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Helping Dad Share His Emotions to get Clarity for all<\/span><\/a><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><br \/><\/span><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/08\/Ultimate-Decision-Maker-1.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Ultimate Decision Maker (1)&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/ultimate-decision-maker\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; admin_label=&#8221;Image&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Farm families are quite surprised to hear me affirm them with the words \u201c you are not alone\u201d in their journey of conflict. Many families across the country are quick to hide what is really going on inside the farm kitchen door. They are proud, independent, self-sufficient entrepreneurs who have no desire to \u201cair their dirty laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":8264,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[1391,1124,70,1478,1564,169,112,25,113,74,259,1599,1454,76,118,1392],"class_list":["post-8232","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-alone","tag-coaching","tag-elaine-froese","tag-emotional-support-group","tag-emotions","tag-families","tag-family","tag-farm","tag-farm-business","tag-farm-families","tag-farm-family-coach","tag-farm-family-harmony-podcast","tag-farm-harvest","tag-farmers","tag-farming","tag-you-are-not-alone"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>You are not alone! 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