{"id":7718,"date":"2023-03-29T16:28:47","date_gmt":"2023-03-30T00:28:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=7718"},"modified":"2023-03-29T16:28:54","modified_gmt":"2023-03-30T00:28:54","slug":"how-to-be-a-better-listener-on-your-farm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2023\/03\/29\/how-to-be-a-better-listener-on-your-farm\/","title":{"rendered":"How to be a Better Listener on Your Farm"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/yJMuhFAvICo\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">In January I had the delight of watching a group of 20 farm employees and managers racing against the clock to change race car tires in Bob Parker\u2019s \u201cPit Crew Challenge\u201d<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">(<a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/pitcrewbob\/?hl=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@pitcrewBob<\/a>)<\/span>. Bob is a long-time speaker friend who uses a race car driving into a \u201ctaped-off\u201d pit on the floor of a shop to help workers understand what it takes to build a healthy workplace culture. The 2 former race car drivers smile as they see folks forgetting to count out loud as they tighten the wheel nuts.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>The ego and adrenaline kick in and folks drop the tire jack or trip on air gun hoses when they forget to recall the instructions and don\u2019t listen to other team members&#8217; directions.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Listening well is an intentional skill.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Many folks complain their voice is not being heard and communication is poor.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Are you willing to get better at listening?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Do you speak directly and loudly enough to ensure you are heard?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Have the receiver of your message give you a paraphrase of what you asked for.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Do you see the whites of the eyeballs of the other person as you are talking? Eye contact is not a skill everyone uses. It is very helpful to look at eyes, \u201ceyes are the window to the soul\u201d. You can pick up many cues by looking people in the eye.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Parker speaks about having the right context. Don\u2019t make assumptions. Double-check what you are hearing and put it in your own words. \u201cDid you mean to say\u2026.\u201d \u201cTell me in a different way, I still don\u2019t understand what you want me to do.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Keep asking and listening until you have clarity of expectations. Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Are you empathetic or could you care less?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Put the cell phone in your pocket. Talking with someone and texting at the same time is not helpful. Focus on delivering a clear message. Multi-tasking splits your brain in two different directions and will NOT save you time. Focus on one thing and then execute.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">I have a quote on my bookcase saying, \u201cThe earth has music for those who listen.\u201d We need to cut out the radio, TV, FM radio, and other distracting noises to learn to enjoy quiet and listen.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">It is assumed many farmers are suffering hearing loss as they don\u2019t wear ear protection on noisy machines and are too stubborn to have hearing aids. If you are hard of hearing let the listener know. Let them be able to help you hear the conversation better. My dad was deaf in his left ear, and we always knew we needed to be on his right side to have better communication results.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-7724 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-1.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-1.png 600w, https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-1-480x320.png 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 600px, 100vw\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Dr. Marshall Rosenberg\u2019s book \u201c<i>Non-violent communication, a language of life\u201d<\/i> has great insights on how to receive empathy, which is his code for good listening. Rosenberg says \u201cempathy occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgments about them. I challenge you to spread your hand wide open across your face right now. This is symbolic of a conflicting filter you are holding towards another farm team member. Those preconceived notions of anger, mistrust, disgust, or other conflict keep you from really hearing what the other person is thinking, feeling, needing, or wanting.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Rosenberg says \u201cno matter what others say, we only hear what they are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here\u2019s a sample:<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Husband:<\/strong> What good does talking to you do? You never Listen.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Wife:<\/strong> Are you feeling unhappy with me?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Dr. Rosenberg&#8217;s suggestion:<\/strong> \u201cAre you unhappy with me because you were needing\u2026?\u2019<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Wife tries again:<\/strong> \u201cAre you feeling unhappy because you are needing to be heard?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Wow.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Try this week to listen with empathy and ask the other person, what is it you are needing at this moment. Just practicing one new piece of language can make a huge difference.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">I recall the young farmer and carpenter who told me he was going to make a plaque for his kitchen which read \u201cLove does not read minds.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>We make assumptions about others. Listening to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking is powerful.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Check out the messages you are receiving.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Reflecting a message back to the other party gives them time to reflect on what they have said and a chance to delve deeper.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>You might use words like \u201cAre you reacting to what happened in the shop today?\u201d \u201cAre you feeling hurt because you would have liked more appreciation than you got for keeping the books up to date?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Are you wanting me to tell you my reasons for saying what I did?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Rosenberg recommends first expressing our own feelings and needs before asking for information. I also find better listening occurs when you check in first to ask the person if they are in the middle of something and if is this a good time to talk.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">There is a saying, <em>\u201cBe kind to everyone you meet, you have no idea what battles they are facing.\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Many farm families are frustrated when they are seeking more of a connection when they speak and yet they do not feel heard. How easy would it be to reflect and say, <em>\u201cThanks for spending extra time with me to hear my concerns, I feel a lot better now as I feel like my voice has been heard!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Rosenberg suggests a speaker has received adequate empathy when we sense a release of tension, or the flow of words comes to a halt. A useful phrase to ask is <em>\u201cIs there more you wanted to say, or is there anything else?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Once you allow others to fully express themselves then you can start working on creating solutions.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">In 2022 my word for the year was LISTEN. I hope a few of these phrases in this article will help you connect at a deeper level with your family. When communication goes well, express your appreciation. We can all work to fill the emotional bank accounts of our families with better listening.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">***<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese and her coaching team are here to help facilitate better communication to help you find harmony through understanding in your farm transitions. Visit <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here<\/span><\/a> to request a free discovery call.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">Did you enjoy<em><strong> How to be a Better Listener on Your Farm?\u00a0<\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/04\/07\/stop-the-in-law-rant-change-your-behaviour\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Stop the in-law rant, change your behaviour<\/a><\/span><br \/><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"> <a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2013\/06\/07\/crippled-by-fear-of-court\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Crippled By Fear of Court<\/a><\/span><br \/><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"> <a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/03\/24\/cowboys-coached-to-embrace-courageous-communication\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Cowboys coached to embrace courageous communication<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row disabled_on=&#8221;off|off|off&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/03\/Kick-start-Succession-Conversations.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Kick-start Succession Conversations&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/free-planning-resources\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; width=&#8221;100%&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In January I had the delight of watching a group of 20 farm employees and managers racing against the clock to change race car tires in Bob Parker\u2019s \u201cPit Crew Challenge\u201d(@pitcrewBob). Bob is a long-time speaker friend who uses a race car driving into a \u201ctaped-off\u201d pit on the floor of a shop to help&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":7722,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[1539,389,1124,3,1542,70,1540,1019,112,25,113,74,259,35,1117,76,118,1541,1538,398],"class_list":["post-7718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-better-at-listening","tag-better-listener","tag-coaching","tag-communication","tag-dr-marshall-rosenberg","tag-elaine-froese","tag-empathy","tag-expectations","tag-family","tag-farm","tag-farm-business","tag-farm-families","tag-farm-family-coach","tag-farm-folks","tag-farm-partners","tag-farmers","tag-farming","tag-non-violent-communication","tag-pit-crew-challenge","tag-young-farmers"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - 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