How does one start to convey the sadness sown by a life of addiction? For transparency, let\u2019s get a few things on the table before going too far.
\nI grew up in a farm family where my parents worked very hard, long hours, and some would say were \u201cworkaholics\u201d. My sister died at age 23 going home from my farm to hers when her car was smashed by a drunk driver. My close friend whom I\u2019ll call \u201cJane\u201d was married to a farmer who loved booze, but found a new path to health, reconciled their marriage, and sadly he died too young. I don\u2019t drink alcohol, and never have because I love to dance with a clear head and be in control of my behavior.
\nNow you know my backstory, let me share my concerns as a farm family coach about booze abuse on the farm.
\nMany people have addictive personalities, and if they don\u2019t abuse alcohol, it may show up in other forms like perfectionism or working too much. I am not a psychologist or counselor, but I have been coaching long enough to pick up some red flags in conversations, that lead me to ask tough questions.
\nI\u2019ve found two books, recommended highly by the adult child of an alcoholic, and I suggest you run to buy them if you are suffering with the effects of addiction.
\n\u201cIt will never happen to me\u2026growing up with addiction as youngsters, adolescents, adults\u201d by Dr. Claudia Black. This edition also deals with other addictive disorders such as drugs, money, food, sex, and work. The other helpful resource is \u201cAdult Children of Alcoholics\u201d by Janet Geringer Woititz.
\nWhy bother reading these books? They last. They linger. They can be shared with other family members. You can create your own learning experience in the privacy of your home to figure out how to get outside help for your situation.
\nMy friend \u201cJane\u201d had no trouble firing off a list of helpful insights, which I will share here:
\n\u201cYou need to understand that this situation of \u201cthings are not working\u201d did not happen overnight. It has taken years for this co-dependency to develop and become a way of behavior. You are tired of walking on eggshells. You catch yourself saying, \u201cit is my job to fix the person with booze issues.\u201d You are taking on what is not yours to take on.\u201d
\nSome people never get to the realization that something needs to shift, but you have likely been given some \u201cwake-up calls\u201d to pay attention, what Jane and I would call \u201cdivine intervention\u201d, so that you cannot put your head in the sand anymore. Some folks choose unhealthy ways to cope, like isolating themselves from friends, and they do feel powerless. It is difficult to reach out beyond the family for help, but you need to find help for yourself through a group like Al-Anon, and for the booze abuser.
\nDuring the new months of the New Year 2015 you\u2019ll find many stories about making goals or resolutions for a change in behavior. My question is, \u201cWhat needs to change in the addiction department on your farm this year?\u201d Is it time for you to call for support for living with an alcoholic? Might you be ready to leave for a time to have a \u201credemptive separation\u201d until the unwanted behavior is extinguished with new habits? These are hard choices, but I have seen them work in farm families.
\nSometimes we choose to avoid the struggles, but hard times and storms tend to mold us into resilient people who come out on the other side much stronger and wiser.
\nConsider what you really want to live a healthy and happy life on your farm.
\nWhat choices are your responsible for?
\nWhat assumptions are you making?
\nWhat path might be waiting to be explored that you have resisted exploring?
\nWhat is the best thing that could happen if the abuse ended?
\nWho do you need to call today? Perhaps it is time to seek counseling or therapy to help you deal with your anger, pain, and grief.<\/p>\n
Be open as a friend and neighbor to hear the stories of farm families that are looking for answers to dealing with abusive habits on the farm. Learn who the helping folks and professionals are in your region. Let\u2019s all work towards healthier spaces to work in agriculture, and happier family teams.<\/p>\n
END
\nElaine Froese, CSP, CAFA, CHICoach writes from her farm in southwestern Manitoba. Her coaching expertise is only a phone call away at 1-866-848-8311. Cozy up this winter with one of her 3 books available at www.elainefroese.com\/store. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
How does one start to convey the sadness sown by a life of addiction? For transparency, let\u2019s get a few things on the table before going too far. I grew up in a farm family where my parents worked very hard, long hours, and some would say were \u201cworkaholics\u201d. My sister died at age 23…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[4,364,112,74,363],"class_list":["post-725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-counseling","tag-family","tag-farm-families","tag-farm-family-coaching"],"yoast_head":"\n