{"id":7140,"date":"2022-11-17T07:44:50","date_gmt":"2022-11-17T15:44:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=7140"},"modified":"2022-11-17T07:55:50","modified_gmt":"2022-11-17T15:55:50","slug":"how-to-help-grandpa-finish-well","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/11\/17\/how-to-help-grandpa-finish-well\/","title":{"rendered":"How to help Grandpa, finish well"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/JmcfGAweAQs\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>\u201cI wasn\u2019t able to talk for over two years about what happened with my grandfather\u201d, a young farmer confides as he describes a bitter battle over the transition of land titles from his father\u2019s father to him.<\/p>\n<p>I am concerned about the many threads of conversations across farm audiences that weave a sad tale of loss, grief, and exasperation with those farmers who are over eighty and are not finishing their farming careers well.<\/p>\n<p>Leaving a legacy as a farmer is not just about money and land. It also involves how you wish to be remembered for your character, and how you want to resolve conflicts before your passing. Do you want a family tree that is broken, or flourishing? Do you realize that the next generation and the younger farmers are just as passionate about being great farmers as you were in your late twenties?<\/p>\n<p>What is stopping you from gifting and transferring with a warm hand, an open generous hand on top, rather than a clenched fist?<\/p>\n<p>I have my hunches.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-7150 alignnone size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-2022-11-17T013656.122.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"400\" srcset=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-2022-11-17T013656.122.png 600w, https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-2022-11-17T013656.122-480x320.png 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 600px, 100vw\" \/><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Money equals security.<\/strong> You are afraid that you will not have enough to live on for the next 20 years, even though you have $500K in the bank, and shares in the company. You aren\u2019t even enjoying the wealth you have now because your health keeps you housebound. <\/em><br \/>\nRalph Waldo Emerson said, \u201cyour health is your wealth. \u201d<\/em><br \/>\nYour pension income, your debt-free living, and your personal wealth will keep you going. Why not transfer those farm assets and see the pride of ownership shine on your grandson\u2019s face? Great family relationships ensure that even if you are close to dying broke, your loved ones will not \u201cput you out on the street\u2026or gravel road!\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Losing control is hard.<\/strong> Your friends are all dying, and you certainly cannot control that. Facing death is hard for you, so you deny the invitations to update wills and invoke the Power of Attorney that will protect your affairs with your trusted advisor now. Is holding on for you the only thing that gives you a sense of power and control over your own destiny? Yikes. I would choose to be rich in a relationship over being a lonely land baron any day. Families are supposed to be a sanctuary of love and nurture, not nasty fight centers of conflict avoidance and deep hurt. <\/em><br \/>\nHow about extending the hand of forgiveness and forging a new reconciled chapter in your family? How about dying without any regrets?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Hard times could happen again.<\/strong> You recall the depression as a young person who struggled. You are proud of the wealth you have built. You might sense that others see you as greedy, but you don\u2019t care anymore. Your heart is so hardened that not even your wife\u2019s pleading for family connection and harmony can get you to budge. Your word rules the day. You think interest and debt are evil, but do you realize that transfer of assets to your son, daughter, and grandchildren could be a big boost to the debt-servicing capacity of the next generation. Your young grandchild can get young farmer rebates and loans that he or she can manage. They weren\u2019t born in the early eighties to remember high-interest rates, but they are financially astute and smart managers. Please trust them!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Communication is hard to restart once broken.<\/strong> You are desperate to have some form of communication, but unfortunately, the chaotic conversations of TV sitcoms replace the voices of your family members.<\/em><br \/>\nWe honour the fact that you have worked hard, struggled, and overcome many of the stresses of agriculture. We don\u2019t see workaholism and family dictatorship as a badge of honour. The younger generation is much more collaborative in their approach. If do not wish to help them get started in building equity with the transfer of your asset, they will seek non-family joint venture partners.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Character and legacy.<\/strong> What do you want to be written on your headstone? How would you like to be remembered? Are there special possessions like a gun collection, tools, or cars that you might like to share stories about with your beneficiaries? There is a song that says, \u201cwhen it is all said and done, things will just not matter. <\/em><br \/>\n\u201dPinball Clemons said farmers are superheroes. He also noted that strong healthy families are the foundation of everything else going right in the world. Our rural towns need strong families and farm businesses to be sustainable and thrive. Imagine if every farmer in their eighties took their legacy to heart and did things to finish well. <\/em><br \/>\nWhat would it look like to have grandparents celebrating the success of their farming children and grandchildren?<\/li>\n<li><strong>It is not all or nothing.<\/strong> Wealth can be transferred in stages, but a plan needs to be legally binding and well thought out for tax planning and meeting the expectations of all generations. It is not a \u201cyou win, I lose\u201d type of scenario. There are many creative options available when you use a great team of advisors who understand your intent and why you are making or avoiding certain decisions. Farmers are fiercely independent entrepreneurs. The new crop of leaders is going to use a collaborative approach, team, up with non-family, and seek out innovation.<\/li>\n<li><strong>It is not cool to be a laggard.<\/strong> Remember how good it felt to finally get that new or \u201cgently used\u201d piece of equipment to make your farm tasks easier and more efficient in your work? The folks who seek new tools early are called the early adaptors, and they are the ones that see profits first, long before the laggards, the last ones to change or even know what happened. Be cool. Be someone who is ahead of the game, rather than the unwise one who is left behind. Use common sense and the wisdom of your years, to be adaptable and trust your team of advisors to help you finish your farming career well.<\/li>\n<li><strong>There is still a place for you on the farm.<\/strong> You will never fully retire from farming, but your role as you age is now different. Take on the position of an elder mentor. Be the fellow who folks like to come for a historical perspective on how to be resilient, and yet practically optimistic about the future of agriculture.<\/em><br \/>\nI have some very wise, well-balanced over seventy farm coach clients. I just wish I could clone their skills and personalities to inject a sense of hope for those younger farmers who are feeling so stuck with a grandparent that refuses to finish well.<\/em><br \/>\nWhat is your choice going to be? Choose to resolve conflict and leave a great farm family legacy.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">To download a free copy of the &#8220;Because I Love You&#8221; worksheet, click <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/because-i-love-you-list\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a><\/span>.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese, CAFA, CSP, CHICoach navigates expectations with her farming husband and successor son near Boissevain, Manitoba. Book her <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a><\/span> to speak at your next event.<\/p>\n<p>Did you enjoy<em><strong> How to help Grandpa, finish well? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/06\/04\/7-ways-to-encourage-our-farm-fathers\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">7 Ways to Encourage Our Farm Fathers<\/a><\/span><br \/><a title=\"The Father Factor in Farming\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2018\/06\/12\/the-father-factor-in-farming-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">The Father Factor in Farming<\/span><\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2017\/06\/08\/how-to-celebrate-our-farming-fathers-and-their-important-role-on-the-farm\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">How to Celebrate Our Farming Fathers and Their Important Role on the Farm<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cI wasn\u2019t able to talk for over two years about what happened with my grandfather\u201d, a young farmer confides as he describes a bitter battle over the transition of land titles from his father\u2019s father to him. I am concerned about the many threads of conversations across farm audiences that weave a sad tale of&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":7150,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[3,70,1469,25,14,47,1203,1268,259,694,35,753,1463,1472,76,1466,1465,118,1471,178,1467,1337,371,1470,1468],"class_list":["post-7140","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-communication","tag-elaine-froese","tag-equals-security","tag-farm","tag-farm-assets","tag-farm-audiences","tag-farm-businesses","tag-farm-dad","tag-farm-family-coach","tag-farm-father","tag-farm-folks","tag-farm-founders","tag-farm-structure","tag-farmer-rebates","tag-farmers","tag-farmers-age","tag-farmers-need","tag-farming","tag-farming-careers","tag-farming-children","tag-grandfather","tag-hard-times","tag-legacy","tag-losing-control","tag-transition-of-land"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - 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