{"id":7070,"date":"2022-11-03T08:21:48","date_gmt":"2022-11-03T16:21:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=7070"},"modified":"2022-11-08T11:57:48","modified_gmt":"2022-11-08T19:57:48","slug":"helping-farm-dads-let-go-of-control-and-stop-micro-managing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/11\/03\/helping-farm-dads-let-go-of-control-and-stop-micro-managing\/","title":{"rendered":"Helping Farm Dads Let go of Control and Stop Micro-Managing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/mmJlNOqp86s\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><strong>7 signs your Farm Manager is micromanaging<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>They must know everything.<\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s2\">They don&#8217;t delegate.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s2\">They ask for frequent updates.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s2\">They discourage independent decision-making.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s2\">They dictate how tasks should be done.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s2\">They re-do other employees&#8217; work.<\/span><\/li>\n<li class=\"li1\"><span class=\"s2\">They don&#8217;t show trust in their team.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p class=\"p1\">Farm founders, men, and women need to let go of being the ultimate decision-maker as they mentor the next generation to be the main manager. This is not an easy dance. You need to learn to let go of being in control of every part, however small the enterprise or activity\u2026that is the definition of micro-managing.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Why do Farm Dads dictate how tasks should be done? Why don\u2019t they trust you?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">These are good questions to ask your manager. There is a lot going on in the story your dad or mom is telling themselves about how the farm will be successful in the future. They are afraid, and they cannot let you know their fears.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\"><b>What are they afraid of?<\/b><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li class=\"p1\">You are going to fail and lose everything they have worked for in the past 4 decades. This is fear of failure.<\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\">They are losing sight of who they are, their identity. If they are no longer the \u201cperson in charge\u201d who are they? When they are no longer the ultimate decision maker who are they?<\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\">Equity and security of finances and income stream are important as they age. They are reluctant to sell you land as they need that security of income stream for the next 3 decades. They don\u2019t want to lose wealth. How about buying out some equipment first?<\/li>\n<li class=\"p1\">Farmers with unhelpful beliefs are behaving the way they think things should be. You may have a different idea of how to do things, and think \u201cdifferent is not wrong, it is just different\u201d. Culture is the glue holding your farm together, it\u2019s how you behave, how you decide, and what you believe to be true. If Dad believes there is only his way of doing things, you are working with a very stubborn operator. If Mom believes she has no financial security, she needs a financial planner and accountant to help her navigate a new farm structure or agreements so you can start leveraging some of your own equity.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p class=\"p1\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-7085 alignnone size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-2.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"840\" height=\"420\" srcset=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-2.jpg 840w, https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Untitled-design-2-480x240.jpg 480w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 0px) and (max-width: 480px) 480px, (min-width: 481px) 840px, 100vw\" \/><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">If you are arguing often and stomping away in frustration, it\u2019s time for a new dance. This is not the conflict avoidance dance; this is getting folks to the table to create solutions.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Do you as the successor have a clear business plan and vision for how you want to gain more management skills, and make more decisions independently of your founding parents?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Do you understand the need for more financial transparency? If you are not a party to the cash flow or debt servicing, you are simply an employee, not a future business partner.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Can you give feedback in a respectful way to the founders when you feel you are being micro-managed?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Do you have a learning plan to gain more skills in farm management and human resources so you can start taking the lead with decision-making for your operation?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">When folks need to know everything is this a sign you are not communicating often enough so folks know what the plan for operations is and the strategy for transition? When people get cranky it is wise not to make assumptions. It is smart to ask deeper questions like \u201cWhat is going on for you right now? \u201cWhy are you needing so much information?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">A farm partner who is feeling overwhelmed is having a hard time considering hiring a cleaning lady and outsourcing her grass-cutting duties. Letting go and learning to delegate tasks is an ongoing challenge for folks who live by the code \u201cI should be able to do it all\u201d.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Folks are more willing to let go of things when they have something wonderful to move toward.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">As farmers step back without stepping away, they want to know all tasks are well taken care of.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">If you have regular business meetings, you can implement a great accountability system of reporting which keeps everyone on track.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">If you want to build trust you need to show care for the values of others, show up with competence and do your job well, and be committed by being reliable and trustworthy with integrity.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">I suspect gaining more skills in conflict resolution will help you be braver and more effective in creating solutions with a tough manager.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Can you think about what your dad is going through at his age and stage on the farm? Ask with the phrase, \u201cI\u2019m just curious Dad, why is it so hard for you to share decision-making in this business? What are you afraid of?\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Share your emotions of frustration. Express your emotions and disappointment as you continue to wait for more opportunities to build your own equity and manage the farm operations.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Reach out to other peers for their support and suggestions of how they have found ways to encourage founders to let go.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Think reflectively about your timelines and business vision. What enterprise do you want to have total control over? By when?<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Build your conflict resolution skills. <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/shop\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Click here<\/a><\/span> to\u00a0purchase the online <strong>Conflict Dynamic profile<\/strong> assessment with some coaching.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Respect what each generation brings to the management team. Experience is a good teacher.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">New ways of doing things are not wrong. Have a ton of grace and forgiveness for mistakes when they happen and choose to find new solutions as a team. As farmers age, they need to be respected for their wisdom and insights. Young farmers need to be heard.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Reach out to our coaching team <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a><\/span> when you are ready to find harmony through understanding each other and gain new communication skills to help you let go. Download the complimentary <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/ultimate-decision-maker\/\" style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Ultimate Decision Maker tool<\/a><\/span> to identify what you&#8217;ll need for a successful family farm succession.<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Yes, you are a farmer. You are also a human being. Be kind and respectful to all. What you do for a living does not totally define who you are. What new things would you like to move toward?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese, CAFA, CSP, CHICoach navigates expectations with her farming husband and successor son near Boissevain, Manitoba. Book her <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/contact\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a><\/span> to speak at your next event.<\/p>\n<p>Did you enjoy<em><strong> Helping Farm Dads Let go of Control and stop micro-managing? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a> <br \/><\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/16\/encouraging-farm-fathers-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Encouraging Farm Fathers<\/span><\/a> <br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/03\/24\/cowboys-coached-to-embrace-courageous-communication\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Cowboys coached to embrace courageous communication<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>7 signs your Farm Manager is micromanaging They must know everything. They don&#8217;t delegate. They ask for frequent updates. They discourage independent decision-making. They dictate how tasks should be done. They re-do other employees&#8217; work. They don&#8217;t show trust in their team. Farm founders, men, and women need to let go of being the ultimate&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":7085,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[70,25,1268,210,259,694,35,753,49,324,325,1411,1463,76,1466,1465,118,1464,1462,1452],"class_list":["post-7070","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-elaine-froese","tag-farm","tag-farm-dad","tag-farm-dads","tag-farm-family-coach","tag-farm-father","tag-farm-folks","tag-farm-founders","tag-farm-management","tag-farm-manager","tag-farm-operations","tag-farm-partner","tag-farm-structure","tag-farmers","tag-farmers-age","tag-farmers-need","tag-farming","tag-farming-husband","tag-micromanaging","tag-re-invent-your-farm-life"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - 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