{"id":6604,"date":"2022-06-02T15:31:26","date_gmt":"2022-06-02T23:31:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=6604"},"modified":"2022-06-02T15:31:26","modified_gmt":"2022-06-02T23:31:26","slug":"the-power-of-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/02\/the-power-of-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Power of Perspective\" width=\"1080\" height=\"608\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/kYOOPktd2Fk?feature=oembed\"  allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>One of my favourite Irish sayings is \u201cEvery front door looks beautiful!\u201d You never really know what is truly going on in someone\u2019s life until you get to the kitchen table and develop a relationship. The skill to put yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes is called \u201cperspective taking\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>Recently during a family meeting as we passed around the talking stick (my beanie baby bull) a family member said, \u201cYou really don\u2019t understand what it is like to be me do you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The talking stick is a tool I use to help folks share their perspectives without interruption. You may laugh and think it is silly, but I have a dairy farmer who grabs an empty plastic water bottle out in the barn when he calls a decision-making meeting on the fly.<\/p>\n<p>When you can respond to conflict by trying to put yourself in the other person\u2019s position and understand the other person\u2019s point of view you will have many insights:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>You may become aware of new information<\/li>\n<li>You might have new ways to interpret information that you would never have perceived otherwise.<\/li>\n<li>You will increase your knowledge base<\/li>\n<li>You will make the other person feel you are taking their concerns seriously which results in the other person feeling understood. (Daughter in-laws would love this!)<\/li>\n<li>You will often be seen as agreeable, open-minded and an effective farm team member.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>How do you get better at making the other folks on your farm feel understood?<\/strong><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><strong>Identify the weaknesses in your own position or approach.<\/strong> Prepare folks for meetings without interruption. Don\u2019t try to have important conversations when you are intensely trying to get farm work done. Block time for a meeting in a quiet space. Approach the conversation with \u201cI have some things I would like to get your input on. When can we sit down and figure this out? What time would work for you. I\u2019ll need an hour.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Imagine how and why the other person came to hold their position. <\/strong>Farm dads are aging in place and may have some unspoken fears. They also carry stories about how things should be in their heads, and you may have to ask some powerful questions to pull their thoughts out into a conversation you can unravel. Are they afraid of failure? Do they have a scarcity mindset? Do they have very low emotional intelligence and are not aware of their poor listening skills?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Imagine what the other person is trying to accomplish.<\/strong> Many farm dads and moms just want family harmony. Unfortunately, they have not taken responsibility for showing favoritism to one farming child while shutting other farm partners out. If the family is just trying to show the community how wonderful they are without doing the work of resolving inner family conflict, the pretense will not hold. Ask, \u201cWhat is it you truly want? What are you trying to accomplish?\u201d From my perspective, you are making assumptions about what I want because you have not listened to my want and needs, and you have not asked me what I want! \u201cThe ebb of flow of conversation needs to go both ways. It also helps to re-frame or re-cap what you thought who heard the other person saying and get them to confirm you caught it correctly.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Imagine what the other person thinks you are trying to accomplish.<\/strong> \u201cWhat do you really think about what I want? Are you perceiving me as selfish and entitled? Are you aware your inability to step back and give up the reins of control for this farm are keeping us stuck, and in turmoil? I just want to have some degree of control to make management decisions and ultimately to have a plan for our future equity as partners in this farm business. I want to accomplish a better way of communication in a more formalized setting with regular meetings. I don\u2019t want the uncertainty of our future to continue. I want to celebrate being a family without your demands around how we all should be behaving. We are all adults here. We need to be accountable for our bad behaviour and choose to be curious about what other farm team members are wanting and needing.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6607 \" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/Brighter-Challenge-Product-2022-06-02T034138.254-1024x683.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"548\" height=\"365\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Give the other person your full and undivided attention when they are speaking. Do not turn your back or sit sideways. Observe the eyes and face, as the eyes are the \u201cwindow to the soul\u201d.<\/p>\n<p>The mouth, eyebrows and forehead give you clues about emotional states.<\/p>\n<p>Instead of offering your opinion quickly, dig deeper, asking questions that invite the other person to explain the reasons behind his or her position. Be curious. \u201cI am just curious what you meant when you said\u2026. tell me more!<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t understand, admit it, and ask for further explanation.<\/p>\n<p>Acknowledge the other\u2019s position without agreeing with it by saying \u201cThat\u2019s an interesting point of view\u201d or \u201cMany people have that same position.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Never interrupt. Use the talking stick to hold the floor and pass it on with you are finished sharing your perspective.<\/p>\n<p>As a Hudson Institute trained coach, I use the age and tasks map to help families understand the various perspectives of different decades.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>In your 20&#8217;s you need to become independent and experience the management styles of other farms.<\/li>\n<li>In your 30\u2019s you need to master success and navigate your exhaustion raising your family.<\/li>\n<li>In your 40\u2019s you need to own equity to have power and control over your destiny on the farm.<\/li>\n<li>In your 50s you need to simplify your life to pay attention to the quality of your life.<\/li>\n<li>In your 60\u2019s you start over again as the \u201chelping labour\u201d and work on new roles, shifting management to the next generation. Pay attention to health issues.<\/li>\n<li>In your 70\u2019s you focus on mentorship and stepping back without stepping away.<\/li>\n<li>In your 80\u2019s you have done wealth transfer and earn respect as a wise elder.<\/li>\n<li>In your 90\u2019s you appreciate your legacy and enjoy seeing your impact and influence because you let go decades ago.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Work on walking through the front door of your conflict and seek to understand the other person\u2019s perspective. Sign-up for our in-law event <a href=\"https:\/\/www.iowafarmerswife.com\/events\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a>.<\/p>\n<p>***<\/p>\n<p>Elaine Froese and her team of coaches are here to serve your farm family. Reach out at <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\/contact\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.elainefroese.com\/contact<\/a>. Invite Elaine to speak in the fall at your event.<\/p>\n<p>Did you enjoy<em><strong> The Power of Perspective? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2021\/09\/09\/a-new-frame-to-see-transition-possibility-and-movement\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">A New Frame to see Transition Possibility and Movement<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2011\/05\/05\/how-much-does-your-lifestyle-cost\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How much does your lifestyle cost?<\/a><br \/>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2011\/06\/25\/who-gets-grandpas-tools\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Who gets grandpa\u2019s tools?<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of my favourite Irish sayings is \u201cEvery front door looks beautiful!\u201d You never really know what is truly going on in someone\u2019s life until you get to the kitchen table and develop a relationship. The skill to put yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes is called \u201cperspective taking\u201d. Recently during a family meeting as we&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":6607,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[437,1363,1364,112,1147,25,1369,1367,1370,1365,1366,1368,1361,1362,105,1360],"class_list":["post-6604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-conflict","tag-dairy-farmer","tag-decision-making-meeting","tag-family","tag-family-meeting","tag-farm","tag-farm-team-member","tag-feeling","tag-independent","tag-interpret-information","tag-knowledge","tag-open-minded","tag-perspective-taking","tag-perspectives","tag-relationship","tag-the-power-of-perspective"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Power of Perspective - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The skill to put yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes is called \u201cperspective taking\u201d. 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