Harvest is a favourite time of year. As a combine driver I join the excitement of bringing in the crop as efficiently as possible. I enjoy long hours of solitude on the field, with lots of time to ponder what\u2019s happening\u00a0 in our family and life in general. This is the picture when the crops are evenly ripe, dry, and the weather is cooperating. There are also the loud \u201cthunks\u201d when the header plugs, or the frustration of catching a clump of mud, but usually things get back into flow.<\/p>\n
Plugging the combine is a great metaphor for resistance. You can\u2019t push too much too fast through the powerful machine. Farm people are going through tremendous changes again this year with new challenges, and we get frustrated when our family doesn\u2019t want what we want.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy don\u2019t you want what I want?<\/i>\u201d is the title of Rick Maurer\u2019s practical book on working through 3 levels of resistance: Level 1\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t get it.\u201d\u00a0 Level 2: \u201cI don\u2019t like it\u201d and Level 3: \u201cI don\u2019t trust you.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 Maurer believes we can muster support for our ideas without hard sell, manipulation or power plays. He encourages readers to stay engaged with the person\u2026seek understanding, favourable reactions, and develop trust.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve experienced resistance to change in farm families when I\u2019ve tried to present too many ideas for change too quickly. Things plug up fast when people aren\u2019t given time to see the same picture we see. \u201cWhen people are afraid they will lose something important, when their fear response kicks in\u2026their emotional brain takes over and limits their ability to stay engaged with us.\u201d (Maurer).<\/p>\n
Smooth combine operators make sure they feed the machine with a good consistent speed, checking the monitors. We need to check our understanding with our families, planting seeds of change gradually, and paying attention to emotional monitors.<\/p>\n
Beeping in the cab alerts us to problems. What alerts us in our conversations that we are really getting it, and listening to the other person\u2019s viewpoints?<\/p>\n
Do they understand?<\/p>\n
Are they reacting negatively or positively?<\/p>\n
Is there sufficient trust between us for them to support us?<\/p>\n
Maurer suggests 6 principles of engagement to help move through resistance:<\/p>\n
1.Know your intention<\/b>: Focus on issues instead of positions. The key\u00a0 intention of combining is to put all the grain in the tank, and not leave a trail of grain on the ground! The issue is trusting the guy who sets the sieves, and checking the tank and the trail behind you.\u00a0 If you are intending to make changes in your farm family, have you developed the trust you need for support?<\/p>\n
2.Consider the context. <\/b>\u00a0The focus of getting the crop off sets the context , other things are lower priority. Time your conversations well, consider where they are taking place, and the quality of the relationship. People in harvest are focused on that priority. Maybe you\u2019ve been trying to make changes with people who are just too tired to think or change!<\/p>\n
3.Avoid Knee Jerk Reactions. <\/b>\u00a0Slamming the hydrostatic lever can put your face in the windshield of your combine. You need to know your triggers or \u201chot buttons\u201d in conversations and avoid them. Your goal is to seek understanding and build commitment.<\/p>\n
4.Pay Attention. <\/b>\u00a0When a cutting knife breaks, you get a trail of heads standing…evidence that you need to stop and change the broken part.\u00a0 Do you listen to others to be changed? Do you care about what the other person has to say?\u00a0 Make time for feedback. Listen. Be willing to be influenced by what you hear.<\/p>\n
5. Explore Deeply. <\/b>Messing around with the concaves is exploring deeply into the guts of the combine. You hope you don\u2019t have to do this in the field, but it happens. People are afraid of the unknown,\u00a0 that is why farmers resist talking about a different way of working or living off the farm. Families need to find a safe way to talk and explore possibilities for common ground.\u00a0 Maurer says you know when you have explored enough when the person shifts from \u201cyou to us\u201d, and it feels like a weight has just lifted.<\/p>\n
\u201cHave I answered all of your questions?\u201d \u201cIs there anything I can provide for you ?\u201d<\/p>\n
6.Find Ways to Connect.\u00a0 <\/b>When my trucker comments that I am cutting too high, I make adjustments, and don\u2019t steam with the criticism. The real concern is to do a great job, and not leave too much straw for the cultivation guy to handle. Maurer\u2019s process for people to connect is to identify the real fear or concern. State what is important to you.<\/p>\n
Then, turn that statement of concern into a statement of what you both want.<\/p>\n
A farm spouse may say \u201c I am afraid that we are not making decisions about our life off the farm yard, and that is impacting our children\u2019s decisions. It is important to me that we have a plan for our new home, and the way we will continue to work . We both want to stay involved, and find a way to live in harmony with our working children.\u201d<\/p>\n