By mid March I am peeking at the garden to see if any black patches have managed to poke through. Spring arrives officially next week, and with that the hope that a good growing season lies ahead, and a great time of working together as a family.<\/p>\n
This winter I addressed the Midwest Ag Women\u2019s Conference in Indiana about living an intentional life. Funny thing is, I have been writing and speaking about a so-called balanced life since l987.\u00a0 \u201cWe teach what we need to learn\u201d is my mantra , and I guess since I am still sharing my life issues, I am still learning. In fact, one of my strengths is that I am a life-long learner.<\/p>\n
Dr. Henry Cloud is my favourite mentor about boundaries, and his\u00a0 \u201cOne Life<\/em> Solution Workbook<\/em>\u201d engages us to seek out an audit of our time, our weak spots which he calls holes in the fences of our boundaries. I have summarized his 10 Laws of boundaries with my spin for farms.<\/p>\n 1. Sewing and Reaping<\/strong>. We reap what we sow. This \u00a0should be fairly obvious to all the grain farmers and gardeners, but how put this do we into practice ? If we make certain choices or do\u00a0 good behaviours, we should like the outcomes or the natural consequences of our actions. My mom had a magnet on her fridge that said \u201c You can\u2019t soar with the eagles in the morning if you hoot with the owls all night !\u201d Are you happy with the things you are sowing and reaping in your farm team relationships? Without the gardener, there is no garden.<\/p>\n 2.Responsible to and for<\/strong>. Sometimes as type A parents we do too much for our adult children, whose life task is to become independent and responsible members of society. Are you guilty of doing too much to rescue a child , causing\u00a0 a hole in your boundary fence ? Ask yourself this question: \u201cWhat do others on this farm need to learn to do for themselves? \u201c\u00a0 For some reason , laundry springs to mind!<\/p>\n 3.Power to choose<\/strong>. My essential message as a farm coach is that it is \u201cYour farm. Your family. Your choice. \u201c Some farmers in transition are blown away by the thought that they actually have choices in the way they live their lives. They can choose to say \u201cno, not at this time\u201d, they can ask for what they need, and they can ask others \u201cWhat would you like me to do differently?\u201d.<\/p>\n 4.Respect<\/strong>. When you respect yourself you do not allow bad behaviours or things that suck the emotional energy out of you. Cloud calls these actions \u201cpower drains\u201d. Why have you let go of your self-control and self-respect and given power to someone else to control your decisions? I have very little patience for families who are into the \u201cblame game\u201d or \u201cpoor me victim roles.\u201d Are you giving others on your farm the respect that you crave for? Whom have you let take away your personal power?<\/p>\n 5.Motivation<\/strong>. When I felt too fat to get a decent dress for our son\u2019s wedding, I hit the good nutrition\u00a0 and exercise path, once again. I got results instead of tears, and was highly motivated to stay on track. If you are only motivated by the size of your farm, and the number of zeros on your balance sheet, I think you might lose your motivation when weather issues hit, and your family doesn\u2019t recognize you at the family gatherings. What is it that you cheerfully are driven to do on your farm? What is it that you are doing when you lose all track of time? Know what your good drivers of success are, and accept that fact that your sons and daughters may have different motivation than you do. \u201cDifferent is not wrong, it is just different.\u201d<\/p>\n 6.Evaluation of Pain<\/strong>: Livestock handlers need to have that 6th<\/sup> sense to figure out what is bothering an animal in pain.\u00a0 Do we take the same sensitivity with people to figure out whether our directness of communication with them has caused a justified offense, or something else? We do not\u00a0 intend to cause harm to others on our team intentionally, but everyone has a different perspective on what conflict issues are, our intent. We need to be emotionally strong enough to check out what the effect of our words and actions has been.\u00a0 Make quick repair of true hurt that you cause. Some folks are gifted \u201dat huge drama and the pain caused may be out of proportion to what the current reality is.<\/p>\n 7.Proactivity.<\/strong> There is a popular acne medication called ProActive for zits. Think about the things you do to prevent bad stuff from happening on your farm, like shoveling the excess snow this winter off your out buildings to prevent collapse.<\/p>\n Be able to anticipate the things you need to do for farm safety on the physical side, and be a good listener to anticipate how your farm team needs encouragement for the busy season ahead. Put some deposits in the emotional bank account before the withdrawal times of machinery breakdowns, and the rush to get the crop in.<\/p>\n 8. Envy.<\/strong> When we desire what someone else has, it becomes envy . Don\u2019t worry about what the neighbours appear to have, get rid of your root of bitterness.<\/p>\n Good desire stems\u00a0 from ownership and responsibility to create the outcomes you earn. I pray for all farm families that God would give them the desires of their heart. I also pray that they would understand that \u201cthe sluggard craves and gets nothing, the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.\u201d(Proverbs 13:4.) Have a family business meeting this week !<\/p>\n 9.Activity.<\/strong> My husband is highly task-oriented which is a great blessing to our marriage because things get done in a timely fashion with family affairs and the farm business. I am a doer also. The law of physics states that action begets action.<\/p>\n Stop whining about what is not done, and start moving toward completing the tasks that you need to do. IF the priorities are aligned with your values, you likely will be much happier than if you are being \u201cforced\u201d to work out someone else\u2019s agenda.<\/p>\n 10. Exposure<\/strong> is about having others know where you stand. Your boundaries, wishes and values are very clear because no one needs to read your mind to find out what you\u00a0 stand for. The highest compliment for me is to be affirmed for congruent behaviour and integrity. In our family\u00a0 and businesses we have zero tolerance for dishonesty.<\/p>\n Have a great spring season practicing the above principles on your farm. Good neighbours keep good fences. Don\u2019t let the holes in your fences go without repair.<\/p>\n Live with great boundaries. Enjoy a happier family.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By mid March I am peeking at the garden to see if any black patches have managed to poke through. Spring arrives officially next week, and with that the hope that a good growing season lies ahead, and a great time of working together as a family. This winter I addressed the Midwest Ag Women\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-539","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry"],"yoast_head":"\n