{"id":479,"date":"2014-12-07T15:25:51","date_gmt":"2014-12-07T15:25:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/blog\/?p=479"},"modified":"2014-12-07T15:25:51","modified_gmt":"2014-12-07T15:25:51","slug":"encouraging-farm-fathers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2014\/12\/07\/encouraging-farm-fathers\/","title":{"rendered":"Encouraging Farm Fathers"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2761\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/Encouraging-Farm-Fathers-710x365.jpg\" alt=\"Encouraging Farm Fathers\" width=\"710\" height=\"365\" \/>If I could show you a way to increase the family harmony on your farm and help you be more profitable, would you listen? Would you be courageous enough to look at your own issues, strengths, and weaknesses?<\/p>\n<p>I bet you would if it was easy.<\/p>\n<p>People problems on farms are nothing new. The fact is, many farm families are avoiding very basic things that could make a huge difference to decrease their stress levels and increase energy for getting things done. It\u2019s encouraging the heart of your business&#8230; your people.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a list of practical encouragement based on the work of Gary Smalley and John Trent who wrote <a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Gift-Blessing-JohnTrent\/dp\/0840748493\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><em>The Gift of the Blessing<\/em><\/a>. To further enhance these encouragements, I\u2019ve added some practical tools.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<h3>Ways to Bless your Farming Father<\/h3>\n<h4>Praise and Acknowledgment<\/h4>\n<p>As founders age, they wonder what their new roles will be when their names are off the land titles, or they aren\u2019t the main manager anymore. Forty years of farming earns respect in my books. Can you acknowledge your dad\u2019s wisdom and praise him for his hard work? Are you thankful for the \u201cleg up\u201d he has given your operation? He just wants to be part of the planning conversations when you are buying that new tractor. Ask him what he thinks, and honor his opinion.\u00a0 All ages need affirmation. \u201cI appreciate your input Dad and I respect your years of experience.\u201d<\/p>\n<h4>Drain Away Unresolved Anger<\/h4>\n<p>You change air and fuel filters for better performance. How about getting rid of your anger filters and work towards conflict resolution? \u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Visit my website<\/a> for some webinar training or read my blogs. Being angry sucks energy out of your being and decreases your efficiency as a farmer. What would you regret if you found Dad dead beside the baler? Father\u2019s Day is a great deadline for forgiveness and extending the olive branch to seek true peace in your family relationships. Smalley says that unresolved anger \u201ccloses a person\u2019s spirit.&#8221; Prolonged anger can lead to depression, ulcers or high blood pressure. These are just a few of the emotional and physical problems that can accompany anger!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>become tenderhearted with your words, soften your tone<\/li>\n<li>increase understanding by listening well and ask about the hurt<\/li>\n<li>recognize the offense by admitting that you were wrong<\/li>\n<li>attempt to touch, even just a squeeze on the shoulder<\/li>\n<li>seek forgiveness from the one you have offended<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4>Give the Inheritance of a Good Name<\/h4>\n<p>What is your reputation worth?<\/p>\n<p>Are your actions adding value to the emotional bank account of your farm family?<\/p>\n<p>Are you proud of your behavior and happy with your reputation? Being known as a \u201ccranky old coot\u201d is not my idea of success or legacy. I often tell families that you \u201cget the behavior that you accept.\u201d If you are doing something to harm the good name of your family\u2026what is that really about? Are you going to hold the offenders accountable for their actions, or just let the nasty actions slide? Many farmers are avoiding confronting the tough issues that are destroying their family\u2019s reputation. The neighbors are not fooled. Bad seed doesn\u2019t produce a bountiful crop. What weeds are choking your good name? Deal with it!<\/p>\n<p>I agree with Smalley when he says, <em><strong>\u201cour name is something that, no matter what, we will pass down to our kids, and it can either be a blessing or a curse.&#8221;<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n<h4>Take Good Care of Your Health<\/h4>\n<p>I received a lengthy letter from a young farmer with high blood pressure. He\u2019s stressed by a farming brother who expects to be given a lot of assets, without doing the accompanying work. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, \u201cYour health is your wealth.\u201dEncourage your farm father and siblings to seek medical check-ups to ensure they are on a good health track. Stop avoiding the prostate tests and chest x-rays or heart tests. Your family doesn\u2019t want you to be a martyr, they want a happy, healthy team player who lives a long, high-quality life.<\/p>\n<p>Encourage your farm father and siblings to seek medical check-ups to ensure they are on a good health track. Stop avoiding the prostate tests and chest x-rays or heart tests. Your family doesn\u2019t want you to be a martyr, they want a happy, healthy team player who lives a long, high-quality life.<\/p>\n<h4><strong>Teach <\/strong>Financial<strong> Responsibility<\/strong><\/h4>\n<p>Farmers have the hard work ethic down pat. Unfortunately, it can get out of whack and become work-aholism, or avoidance of building relationships. Are you rich in relationships? Have you taught your adult children to work hard, live well within their means, and see money as a resource to be managed, not a god? Whatever your money values and whatever money means to you, it is driving your business decisions. Some farm men can\u2019t wait to share their net worth with me, but they are less comfortable sharing the names of their best friends. They usually don\u2019t have many in their emotional support group, as they have been highly focused on providing for their families and creating wealth. Teaching financial responsibility also means that folks earn their net worth, and aren\u2019t just given everything or have a keen sense of entitlement. With land values adding more zeros to the balance sheet I see more greed in conversations.<\/p>\n<p>Teaching financial responsibility also means that folks earn their net worth, and aren\u2019t just given everything or have a keen sense of entitlement. With land values adding more zeros to the balance sheet I see more greed in conversations.<\/p>\n<p>Have you thanked your dad and mom for their financial support?<\/p>\n<p>Are you demanding too much?<\/p>\n<p>How much net worth is enough?<\/p>\n<h4>Let Go\u2026Avoid Over-Controlling<\/h4>\n<p>At the kitchen tables of many farms, I usually have a card that says \u201cpower and control.\u201c This issue is a delicate one for your dad as he is afraid of failure but doesn\u2019t know how to talk about it. He fears the large debt load you are carrying, and how it is going to hinder your future flexibility. He fears that his role is not useful anymore, \u00a0but so as long as he has some power and control, you will need to listen to him. He also fears that after 40 years of hard work and building up a business, you just might sell the assets and \u201ccash in\u201d in 5 years when the business is in your name. People have control issues for many reasons. Have some courageous conversations to discover why dad is having a hard time letting go. Assure him of your<\/p>\n<p>Have some courageous conversations to discover why dad is having a hard time letting go. Assure him of your long-term commitment and dedication to the farm business, and family legacy. Smalley says we should bless our children by allowing them to take positive control of their lives as they grow older. If you are over 40, with little control of your farm business, something needs to change soon!<\/p>\n<h4>Return Words of Blessing to Your Father<\/h4>\n<p>Here\u2019s a poem by Adrian Rodgers:<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>This is for you, Dad for the father I love,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>For the one who has cared all these years,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>but has never heard enough about how much I care.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>So this is for you,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>For the one who has helped me through,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>all my children fears and failures,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>And turned all that he could,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>into successes and dreams.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>For the man who is the wonderful example,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>of what more men should be.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>For the person whose devotion to his family, <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>is marked by gentle strength and guidance<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>And whose love of life, sense of direction, <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>and down to earth wisdom, <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>makes more sense to me now,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>than nearly any other thing I learned.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>If you never knew how much I respected you,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>I want you to know it now, Dad,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>and if you never knew how much I admire you,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>let me say that I think you are the best father<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>that any child ever had.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>This is a note filled with love,<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p align=\"center\"><span style=\"color: #008080;\"><em>and it\u2019s all for you\u2026Dad.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\" align=\"center\">Say the words. <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/get-unstuck-on-the-farm-the-power-of-a-heartfelt-letter\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Write the note<\/a>. Embrace and encourage your farming father. It\u2019s time.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If I could show you a way to increase the family harmony on your farm and help you be more profitable, would you listen? Would you be courageous enough to look at your own issues, strengths, and weaknesses? I bet you would if it was easy. People problems on farms are nothing new. The fact&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2761,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[210,127,360,416,365,367],"class_list":["post-479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-farm-dads","tag-farm-family","tag-farming-culture","tag-fathers","tag-healthy-living","tag-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Encouraging Farm Fathers - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2014\/12\/07\/encouraging-farm-fathers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Encouraging Farm Fathers - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If I could show you a way to increase the family harmony on your farm and help you be more profitable, would you listen? 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