{"id":4765,"date":"2012-10-05T20:12:12","date_gmt":"2012-10-05T20:12:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/elainefroese.primeconcepts.com\/blog\/?p=52"},"modified":"2012-10-05T20:12:12","modified_gmt":"2012-10-05T20:12:12","slug":"how-do-we-treat-the-girls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2012\/10\/05\/how-do-we-treat-the-girls\/","title":{"rendered":"How do we treat the girls?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe all knew the farm would go to the boys. We were born in the \u201830\u2019s and everyone expected Dad and Mom to roll it over to their sons. We were given educations, no land.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWe wondered why my sister and I were not part of the family discussion about who would have the home place. It really hurt. Dad couldn\u2019t understand why I was crying when we talked about it later.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThe girls in our family all married well. I guess our parents felt we were well taken care of. My brothers got all the dairy quota and the farm. We girls got $10,000. I\u2019m not sure my lawyer today would think that was fair!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cOut here in dry land Saskatchewan we\u00a0 wonder if we\u2019re lucky we got cash and we are not stuck with the risk of the farm !\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWe sisters each got one quarter of\u00a0 land before our parents died, even though we don\u2019t farm. It was part of how our parents defined fairness, as all the siblings always got the same dollar support.\u00a0 Our farming brother was able to buy land from us and we\u00a0 gladly held the mortgage.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIn our family we don\u2019t fight about any inheritance, because our parents have nothing. It\u2019s great. We all get along and we have fun together. The girls have good educations and can make their own way.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cDad taught us all how to be skilled on the farm. We had no brothers! He treated us with respect and I think it makes him happy to see one daughter actively farming with her husband and our father.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

As a farm family business coach, I haven\u2019t found much written about the ways girls are treated in succession planning, but I have had lots of vibrant conversations. The culture around the will and estate expectations has changed significantly since the l930\u2019s.<\/p>\n

Today, adult children are not happy with the \u201cNobody Asked Me Syndrome\u201d. This is\u00a0 where families keep their decision making a big secret, and only the farming adults are involved in conversations about the future of the farm business.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know the stats on how many people read their wills aloud to their children, but I do know that one in 5 Ontario farmers didn\u2019t bother having a will according to a survey a few years ago. Today, people are encouraged to discuss estate plans openly.<\/p>\n

Each family has to come to terms with what works for them. But my drive to write this column comes from the common theme that exiting farmers are asking :\u00a0 \u201chow do we treat the girls?\u201d<\/p>\n

So girls, gals, women, ladies! What are your expectations?<\/p>\n

\u201cWe want our parents to enjoy their hard earned finances during their retirement and aging years. We\u00a0 want mom and dad to have some fun\u00a0 for a change!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cWe expect good health care in place for Mom and Dad, so we want to make sure there is money available to have them cared for. I don\u2019t want to be the primary care-giver for my parents, I have a husband and children to look after already!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI accept anything my parents choose to give me as a bonus. They have already helped me get a university education and raised me in a loving happy home. I am proud to make my own way and will finance my own dreams.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m glad to know that the BANK OF DAD is still open, but realistically, I need to build up my credit rating in registered institutions. Its nice knowing there is some financial support available from my parents if a crisis hits, but I need to do things on my own.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m the daughter who got the farm. Some days with the tight cash flow I don\u2019t know if that is a blessing. The investment cash my sisters got looks pretty good right now.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em><\/p>\n

Every family has unique challenges and goals. In most cases, it is the farming sons that take over the family farm. Each family needs to talk about what their needs, feelings and wants are for the next generation of farmers.\u00a0 Avoid the \u201cnobody asked me syndrome\u201d and have a full conversation with the entire family group .<\/p>\n

I am reminded of an Old Byzantine Proverb that seems to apply here:<\/p>\n

\u201cHe who has bread has many problems. He who has no bread has only one problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let me know the creative ways you come up with to treat everyone well in your succession process.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cWe all knew the farm would go to the boys. We were born in the \u201830\u2019s and everyone expected Dad and Mom to roll it over to their sons. We were given educations, no land.\u201d \u201cWe wondered why my sister and I were not part of the family discussion about who would have the home…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[25,76,118,26,359],"class_list":["post-4765","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","tag-farm","tag-farmers","tag-farming","tag-farming-family","tag-succession-planning"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do we treat the girls? - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2012\/10\/05\/how-do-we-treat-the-girls\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How do we treat the girls? - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cWe all knew the farm would go to the boys. 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