{"id":4603,"date":"2021-05-06T11:44:36","date_gmt":"2021-05-06T17:44:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=4603"},"modified":"2021-05-06T11:44:36","modified_gmt":"2021-05-06T17:44:36","slug":"stop-breaking-mommas-heartdeal-with-your-entitlement-issues","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2021\/05\/06\/stop-breaking-mommas-heartdeal-with-your-entitlement-issues\/","title":{"rendered":"Stop breaking Momma\u2019s heart\u2026deal with your entitlement issues"},"content":{"rendered":"

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As Mother\u2019s Day arrives in this Great Pause of 2021, many of you are caught in the messy middle of family dynamics. Let\u2019s jump in and start dealing with the issue of entitlement on your farm team.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I use the word \u201cdeal<\/strong> with entitlement\u201d. It\u2019s that Undiscussabull,\u00a0the bull in the middle of your farm family transition plan that many folks are avoiding talking about. That stops today.<\/p>\n

Help for dealing with greed and entitlement is needed for the founders, the successors, and your widowed mom who is being bullied by strong voices who are not happy with how to farm assets that may be transferred or sold.<\/p>\n

Entitlement is defined as \u201cI deserve this special treatment.\u201d Greed is defined as \u201cwealth desire in excess of needs.\u201d The sense of entitlement may come from a farming heir who has put in a lot of years and hours on the farm with the promise of being compensated when parents leave, die or let go of management. Greed rears its ugly head when a non-farm heir kidnaps grandma, the widow, forgets her father\u2019s gift of property worth $1M, and starts feeding grandma new options for changing her will that used to forgive the farm debt upon her death. I am not making this up, this is a true current scenario that I have permission to share.<\/p>\n

\u201cMoney is personal,\u201d says financial psychologist Dr. Moira Somers.<\/a>\u00a0It affects relationships, comes with feelings of high emotion, fuels our hopes and dreams, and gives us a sense of well-being. It also plays with our ego and self-esteem. \u201cWhat does money mean to you?<\/strong>\u201d is a great conversation starter to get a handle on why you are fighting about inheritance expectations.<\/p>\n

Farms in 2021 are perceived to be the Golden Goose, giving great net worth to the successor. The problem is increasing land values does not mean there is more cash in the bank. The land is not intended to be sold for decades or never, as the farming generation needs land to service debt and grow.<\/p>\n

Entitlement is fueled when there is regret from generation 2 for leaving the farm, and they now have changed their mind on what they left behind. They seem to think that mom should hand over wealth now to make things more \u201cfair\u201d. Does this resentful heir also want to help pay off the $5M his farming brothers owe on the new barn? (another true story).<\/p>\n

Founders fear the next generation will flip the valuable land and cash out. Lawyers can mitigate this with \u201cpoison pill\u201d strategies (lawyer Mona Brown\u2019s term) to prevent one heir from having a financial advantage. There is also fear around divorce and the spouse going after farmland, which too can be managed with marriage contracts.<\/p>\n

Fighting over land, houses, and machinery transfers has to recognize that agriculture has a history of being patriarchal in nature. The girls get cash, are expected to marry well, and the boys get to land. Where is that written in 2021? Mix in disrespect for the ag-trained women who run farms and the secret promises made to favored adult children and you have a recipe for great conflict. Greed and scarcity thinking are like adding diesel to the fire. You really need to challenge the money scripts of family members that are not workable.<\/p>\n

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Here are some helpful questions to consider to grab the bull by the horns.<\/h2>\n