{"id":4208,"date":"2020-08-06T05:00:14","date_gmt":"2020-08-06T11:00:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=4208"},"modified":"2022-10-28T09:37:49","modified_gmt":"2022-10-28T17:37:49","slug":"when-farm-brothers-disagree-advice-for-the-next-generation-of-farm-managers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/08\/06\/when-farm-brothers-disagree-advice-for-the-next-generation-of-farm-managers\/","title":{"rendered":"When Farm Brothers Disagree: Advice for the Next Generation of Farm Managers"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-4210\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/brothers-intro-blog-710x383.jpg\" alt=\"farm brothers undiscussabull image\" width=\"710\" height=\"383\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the bulls in the middle of the farmhouse that we need to chase after is the undiscussabull of \u201cmy brother would never agree to that.\u201d These transition conversations are as fresh as a newly minted cow plop, and they stink, too. However, it is time we faced the issue of disagreement among farm brothers and what it does to farm transition plans. Only when these issues are worked out will plans move along smoothly and successfully.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does any of this sound familiar?<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cElaine, my dad is great to work with, but he won\u2019t stand up to my uncle.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cMy uncle is a lone ranger and would never allow me to buy his farm shares.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThings would transition a whole lot easier on this place IF I could get my parents and my uncle to the table to talk and make some concrete decisions.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are you that uncle? Or do you know that uncle? Either way, you are in the right place, because today I am sharing advice on how to reframe your thinking to become farm brothers who can work together to create the right transition plan.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>[Tweet &#8220;When #farming #brothers disagree, it can be especially difficult for the younger generation that wants to take over the farm. These tips will teach you how to reframe your thinking, so the #farm #transition goes smoother.&#8221;]<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">6 Tips for Dealing with Disagreeing Farm Brothers<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-4213\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/tug-of-war-brothers-blog-710x474.jpg\" alt=\"farm brothers who do not see eye to eye image\" width=\"710\" height=\"474\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are one of the farm brothers who do not see eye to eye \u2013 or caught in the crossfire of the disagreements \u2013 I encourage you to do a reframe of your thinking. Don\u2019t play the victim card. Be direct, open, and take action. Stop the <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farming-business\/developing-the-right-mindset-for-a-successful-farm-transition\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">mindset<\/a> of \u201cwe have an uncle problem\u201d and change it to \u201cWhat would you like the outcome to be instead?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are tips on switching to outcome-based thinking:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1. Figure Out How to Move Forward<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-4215\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/brother-blog-not-going-in-same-direction-710x591.jpg\" alt=\"farm brothers how to move forward \" width=\"710\" height=\"591\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Both farm brothers, the founders and shareholders, are aging. Is retirement a helpful word, or would \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/10\/20\/how-to-re-invent-your-farm-life-as-you-age-with-mind-switch\/\">re-invention<\/a> of roles\u201d be a better target? What does a good day on the farm in the next three years look like to your dad, mom, spouses, and your uncle? In order to let go of something, we need a really attractive offer to move toward.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2. Do Your Research<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is the dollar expectation for buying the uncle out? Do your research with your lender, find out what you could cash flow to give a debt payment schedule to purchase the uncle\u2019s shares. \u201cYou don\u2019t know my uncle, Elaine. He would never sell.\u201d Start planting the seeds of opportunity by asking questions with curiosity. Say \u201cI\u2019m just curious, is there a timeline in your head of when you would like to start transferring your shares?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">3. Make No Assumptions<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of assuming, ask for clarity of expectations. Being clear with your expectations is kind. Make a list of all the things you would really like to know from your uncle\u2019s perspective, and practice saying those sentences out loud. Write them on an index card and pretend they are notes for your ASK speech.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">4. Dig into Details<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-4216 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/bull-brothers-blog-710x473.jpg\" alt=\"farm brothers Dig into Details image\" width=\"710\" height=\"473\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What would have to happen to know that you have actually got what you truly wanted? Create possibilities here and list out the best-case scenario. \u201cDad and I agree that we will farm together, and I will be clear that I do not want to be a business partner with my uncle.\u201d And then pave the way for that to happen. For example: I will have my debt servicing capacity lined up so I know what I can afford to pay and over what time frame. I will do pre-work with our accountant to make sure we have the most flexible business structure for the next 20 years.\u00a0 I will talk to a farm management specialist to be sure that the benchmarks for decision making that I am affirming are reasonable and true. I will get better at sharing my emotions and creating solutions to do conflict resolution well.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">5. Get a Business Plan<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How can you share your business vision for the type of farm you want to invest your future time, energy, and labour towards? Formulate a one-page business plan to be concise and clear about your dreams, goals, and vision for the farm.\u00a0 Plan on paper because the act of writing it out starts your brain working in the right direction subconsciously.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">6. Have an Exit Strategy<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-4214\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/brothers-blog-710x947.jpg\" alt=\"farm brothers exit strategy image\" width=\"710\" height=\"947\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What\u2019s your exit strategy? If the uncle is stubborn and refuses to negotiate a deal, then are you willing to seek another career on a different farm as a joint venture partner with a non-family member? \u201cElaine that would kill my dad.\u201d Oh, but your dad is not willing to stand up for what he believes is the best business decision? Dr. Henry Cloud\u2019s book, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Necessary-Endings-Henry-Cloud\/dp\/0061777129\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Necessary Endings<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, would be a great resource to scout out what to do when things don\u2019t work out if the farm brothers cannot somehow come together on an agreement.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What stories are you telling yourself about the farm brothers who are not seeing eye to eye? Do they have the ability to put themselves in the shoes of the other? Is the conflict avoidance so great that you have lost hope of even having an honest, open conversation to ask for what you need?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Perhaps it is high time to bring in the family communication facilitator, a coach, or a trusted advisor who can prepare each player privately to come to the table for some robust decision making. Letting the conflict escalate is guaranteed to make you sick and threaten the demise of your <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farming-business\/marriage-on-the-farm-10-tips-to-keep-the-sparks-alive\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">marriage<\/a>.\u00a0 The stress of unresolved issues and thwarted dreams is killing agriculture.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pay attention to the fact that painting the uncle and your dad as \u201cpoor communicators\u201d is just excuse-making. These farm brothers are men who are making choices on how to run the farm every day, even if it\u2019s habitual, and they don\u2019t express how or why they are making certain decisions. If you want to have the designation of main manager by the time you are forty, what is your plan and approach for getting what you want? It\u2019s not going to happen unless you get better at conflict resolution as a business risk management strategy. Grab the bull by the horns, do your debt servicing research, and call a farm strategy meeting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every person needs to be treated with kindness and respect. You get to choose your response to the resistance from farm brothers that you may face at the head level (not understanding buy-sell agreements), the heart level (emotions around letting go of ownership, pride ), and the gut-level (I don\u2019t trust people to deal fairly). Where is your uncle\u2019s resistance to your goal of having some equity coming from?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can do this. Focus and execute.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>One of the bulls in the middle of the farmhouse that we need to chase after is the undiscussabull of \u201cmy brother would never agree to that.\u201d These transition conversations are as fresh as a newly minted cow plop, and they stink, too. However, it is time we faced the issue of disagreement among farm&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4218,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[939,763,940,118,263,926],"class_list":["post-4208","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-disagreement-among-farm-brothers","tag-farm-brothers","tag-farm-transition-plans","tag-farming","tag-resistance","tag-running-a-farm-business"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>When Farm Brothers Disagree: Advice for the Next Generation of Farm Managers - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Are you in the middle of farm brothers who won\u2019t agree on a transition plan? 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