Early last month in Peace River country I encouraged the farmers to drop judgmental comments and use the words, \u201cI was just curious\u2026could you explain to me why you\u2026\u201d \u00a0Curiosity is an effective tool for conflict resolution because you avoid hitting conflict trigger buttons when you stop using judgmental or defensive language. One of the participants said she also found it a useful tool for talking to \u201cidiots\u201d without giving them a label!<\/p>\n
An advisor colleague shared a very poignant story about curiosity with me after he witnessed the powerful effects of asking a tough question.<\/p>\n
\u201cA new bride who had been raised in town, who was now living with her young husband on the main farm yard sits nervously with her in-laws at a farm succession seminar. She\u2019s heard a lot of new information. It\u2019s time for some small group sharing, and she bravely raises her hand as she looks directly in her father-in-law\u2019s eye: \u201cI\u2019d just like to know, all of these things we\u2019ve heard about today are piling on top of the questions that I hear from the curious folks at my job. I\u2019d just like to know: is the farm doing okay; am I going to have enough to live on; what do you expect of me in the busy season; do you think \u201cMom\u201d and I could do the books together on the computer; do you respect my input and opinion, even though I don\u2019t come from a farm?\u201d<\/p>\n
Amazing answers stem from asking powerful questions.<\/p>\n
What is it that you might say \u2026\u201d I would just like to know\u201d?<\/p>\n
The father-in-law in the story above shared later in the parking lot that he was relieved to have the hard questions asked, and now he could start formulating some answers. The key question was to quell the workplace gossip and answer to how well the farm was doing financially.<\/p>\n
When you ask \u201cwhy\u201d about the intent of folks making decisions and also come from a sense of curiosity you can make headway without getting stuck in judgment, blame or accusations. You are free to ask questions expecting a thoughtful answer that will help you check out your expectations.<\/p>\n
Recently with a group of young farmers in Abbotsford, I surveyed a group of 70 folks who responded with a 43% vote saying that \u201cto be heard and have my opinion respected\u201d was the most important thing they need on their farm. I\u2019ve been using Turning Point TechnologyTM<\/sup> so that the audience can answer truthfully and privately about the key challenges on their farm team. The results post up on the screen in a bar chart format. Sometimes it helps to know that others are sharing the same issues that you are!<\/p>\n What steps are you taking to give good, honest answers to the next generation\u2019s queries?\u00a0 What do they really want to know from you?\u00a0 When are you ready to really listen and share your dreams, desires and expectations with them?<\/p>\n Asking tough questions may be squelched if you feel the other person is just going to get mad at you, but that is their decision to respond in a poor way to a good question, not your fault for trying to find answers that impact your family\u2019s future.\u00a0 I think it is worth it to endure the wrath of another if it helps clarify issues. \u00a0They might need to cool down, but you are getting closer to clear answers that you need to move ahead. If they get mad, you can still choose to respond calmly with grace.\u00a0 We all get to choose our words, and our responses. Sometimes assumptions are keeping us stuck.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019d just like to know\u2026is a great opener.\u201d Use it.\u00a0 You\u2019ll be amazed how much better you will sleep tonight when the weight of uncertain expectations and unanswered questions slips off your shoulders of care.<\/p>\n March 15th<\/sup>, 2011 is my 16th<\/sup> anniversary of writing this column and the time has flown by. That\u2019s precisely why procrastination about asking tough questions has to stop on our farms. Time flies by. We say \u201cwe\u2019ll get to that after harvest\u2026and 5 years goes by!\u201d\u00a0 Thank-you to those readers who take time to call or write me to share their stories, I am humbled by the gift of sharing your journey.<\/p>\n I\u2019d just like to know what trends you are seeing on your farm that are causing you to lose some sleep at night, and what things make you jump for joy!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Early last month in Peace River country I encouraged the farmers to drop judgmental comments and use the words, \u201cI was just curious\u2026could you explain to me why you\u2026\u201d \u00a0Curiosity is an effective tool for conflict resolution because you avoid hitting conflict trigger buttons when you stop using judgmental or defensive language. One of the…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[382,383,384],"class_list":["post-405","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-communication","tag-conflict-resolution-tips","tag-family-succession-planning","tag-success-coaching"],"yoast_head":"\n