{"id":3858,"date":"2019-05-09T16:28:47","date_gmt":"2019-05-09T22:28:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=3858"},"modified":"2019-05-09T16:28:47","modified_gmt":"2019-05-09T22:28:47","slug":"5-ways-of-dealing-with-conflict-on-the-farm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2019\/05\/09\/5-ways-of-dealing-with-conflict-on-the-farm\/","title":{"rendered":"The 5 Ways of Dealing With Conflict on the Farm"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/dealing-with-conflict-on-farm.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3859\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/dealing-with-conflict-on-farm-710x444.png\" alt=\"a happy family with young children on the farm leaning on a hay bale\" width=\"710\" height=\"444\" \/><\/a>This article is an excerpt from Elaine\u2019s book <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/store\/farmings-in-law-factor\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Farming\u2019s In-Law Factor<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What comes to mind when you hear the word \u201cconflict\u201d? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is it negative or is it positive? <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you\u2019re like most people, you\u2019re thinking, <em>\u201cOf course it\u2019s negative! How could conflict be a good thing?\u201d <\/em><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Yes, as crazy as it sounds, conflict can be a good thing. It all depends on the situation and how we deal with it. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our initial response to conflict on the farm isn\u2019t always the most productive. That\u2019s why understanding there are other ways to cope is critical to managing the situation. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you identify your go-to move for dealing with conflict, you might see why conflicts in your life never seem to get resolved. Then, you can opt for a different conflict resolution method to get the outcome you hoped for!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over the years, many theorists have looked at the ways, styles or tactics people use to address conflict. The following is based loosely on the five styles found in the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (Kilmann Diagnostics 2009-2013): <\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Collaboration<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Accommodation<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Competition<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Avoidance\/Denial<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Compromise<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, let\u2019s dive into each of the 5 types of conflict outlined by the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument to gain a better insight into why we might choose (or not choose!) each one. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are the 5 ways of dealing with conflict on the farm.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1. Collaboration<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Collaboration is all about finding a win\/win solution. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It means creating a result that meets the basic needs or wants of ALL parties and that all parties can live with &#8212; while still honouring people and relationships. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure, effective collaboration may require more time, energy, and creativity than compromising or accommodating&#8230;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But when the issue, outcomes, people, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/conflict-resolution-farming-siblings\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">relationships involved in the conflict<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are valued, it\u2019s worthwhile to invest the time and energy it takes to collaborate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>This makes collaboration a great option for <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/store\/farmings-in-law-factor\/\"><b>farm families<\/b><\/a><b> to consider when faced with a significant issue.<\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2. Accommodation<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When someone lets go of their goals or desired outcomes in order to allow someone else to achieve theirs, we call it accommodation. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On some farms, it might be known as \u201cgiving in\u201d or, when taken to the extreme, \u201cbeing a doormat.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When important goals or needs are frequently relinquished for the benefit of others, resentment can grow and people and relationships may suffer. Ironically, people often choose to accommodate in order to prevent this harm, but have ended up causing it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are also times when accommodation might be the right choice for conflict resolution.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For instance, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farming-business\/tools-and-tips-for-strengthening-the-in-law-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">one FIL didn\u2019t like the fact that his DIL wanted<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to paint the farmhouse blue, but let her do it anyhow &#8212; even though he still owned the house. The FIL smartly realized that his relationship with his DIL was far more important that than the colour of the house. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This was a wise time to accommodate. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Accommodation only works well when the outcome is really not important and the relationship is highly valued. <\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">3. Competition<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When people feel they\u2019re not getting their needs or wants met, they sometimes resort to aggression or aggression masked as competition. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For instance, one farm family agreed to switch houses so the son and his family could be on the main farmyard. But when the time came to move, the father couldn\u2019t let go. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of finding a solution to the conflict that would be mutually beneficial, the father said, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cI\u2019ve given you 10 years of help with the farm. I\u2019m not moving. I guess that we will have to go into competition with each other.\u201d <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you can imagine, this method of conflict resolution often provides no resolution at all. <\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">4. Avoidance<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In life, we need to choose how we use our energy. We can\u2019t fight every little battle. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But denying or avoiding conflict may make the situation worse if the issue needs to be addressed &#8212; it can actually hide the conflict and impede any resolution<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember though, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/family-harmony-on-the-farm\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">there are times when avoidance makes sense.<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe the conflict is over something that won\u2019t matter tomorrow. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even when you\u2019re stuck in the mud, there are times it makes sense to stay put &#8212; like when you see your neighbour in the distance, coming up the road to help. [&#8230;]<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For many families, dealing with conflict on the farm seems like too big of a risk to take on. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the issue at hand is small or the outcome isn\u2019t really important, avoidance can be the right choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">5. Compromise<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a compromise, each party gets some of what they want, but no party is completely satisfied as their needs and wants are only partly met.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the outcomes are of low or moderate importance, compromise could be the best way to deal with conflict on the farm. But, if the issue is morally or life-threatening, compromise can have a detrimental impact on the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/store\/farmings-in-law-factor\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">vitality of the farm<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, or it can harm people or relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When the issue is not critical, morally questionable, and probably won\u2019t matter in 5 or 10 years, compromise could be a reasonable option. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Conflict is as much a part of life as rain.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> And when the stakes are as high as they are for farm families, a certain level of conflict is inevitable. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what isn\u2019t inevitable is conflict being dangerous and destructive. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, it can breathe much-needed life into a dried out situation. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And just like dealing with water issues, addressing conflict is not always easy or straightforward. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We need to learn to manage conflict in a way that unleashes opportunities instead of causing destruction. And understanding the 5 ways of dealing with conflict on the farm is a great place to start!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would you like more help improving your family&#8217;s communication and conflict resolution skills? Contact me today about <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">private coaching <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">options!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Did you enjoy this article? You might also like:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/family-harmony-on-the-farm\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">9 Steps To Getting More Family Harmony on the Farm<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-succession\/stopping-the-conflict-avoidance-dance-on-your-farm\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stopping the Conflict Avoidance Dance on Your Farm<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/happy-healthy-marriage-farm\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maintaining a Happy and Healthy Marriage on The Farm<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This article is an excerpt from Elaine\u2019s book Farming\u2019s In-Law Factor. What comes to mind when you hear the word \u201cconflict\u201d? Is it negative or is it positive? If you\u2019re like most people, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cOf course it\u2019s negative! How could conflict be a good thing?\u201d Yes, as crazy as it sounds, conflict can be&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3859,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[437,860,439,861,862,863],"class_list":["post-3858","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-conflict","tag-conflict-on-the-farm","tag-dealing-with-conflict","tag-disputes","tag-fights","tag-resolution"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The 5 Ways of Dealing With Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Our initial response to conflict on the farm isn\u2019t always the most productive. 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