{"id":3800,"date":"2019-01-30T14:00:45","date_gmt":"2019-01-30T20:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=3800"},"modified":"2019-01-30T14:00:45","modified_gmt":"2019-01-30T20:00:45","slug":"transitioning-with-harmony-how-to-stop-parents-fighting","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2019\/01\/30\/transitioning-with-harmony-how-to-stop-parents-fighting\/","title":{"rendered":"Transitioning with Harmony: How to Stop Parents Fighting"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"TransitioningWhere is it written that your parents have to go south for the winter together? Many aging farmers like to visit the sun belt at this time of year to get rest, connect with friends and have some well-deserved fun. \u00a0But what if one of your parents prefers to stay home? When both spouses cannot find a compromise, it\u2019s fuel for a fight.<\/p>\n

[Tweet “#Farm #transition can be challenging, but remembering these key points will help keep the #harmony.”]<\/p>\n

8 Things to Remember about Farm Transition<\/h3>\n

1. Transition is Tough but Doable<\/h4>\n

Maintaining harmony during a\u00a0transition may be difficult, but it is possible. What choices can you make to create a sense of fun and fulfillment as you make plans for succession? Fighting over taking trips simply reinforces the limiting belief that couples must travel together. The adult successors love to see Dad and Mom leave the farm for a few months to prove that they can handle the management of the business. If you are the parent wanting to stay put, send your spouse off with their siblings, cousins, or friends. Be adaptable!<\/p>\n

2. Feeling Stuck will Pass, with Time<\/h4>\n

When feeling particularly stuck, it\u2019s important to remember that this too shall pass. In one case, a farm family gathered their kids and their spouses together to talk about the tension in the parents\u2019 relationship. The kids agreed it was time for the parents to get marriage counseling as the parents\u2019 clashing dreams and wishes needed a reality check. The entire family was present to create solutions and workable options for better harmony. The timelines put on the flipchart created a sense of hope for concrete action steps.<\/p>\n

\"feeling<\/p>\n

3. Transition is Necessary<\/h4>\n

We are all aging. Are your current roles enhancing your current life stage? You are not 21 anymore. Just because a job is tough doesn\u2019t mean you avoid it. Break the planning steps into small chunks and get each piece of the puzzle face up\u2026look at your wills, power of attorney, insurance, financial and lifestyle needs, family meeting action steps, business vision for the farm, tax planning, and time for fun. Each of these pieces can be a \u00a0\u00a0tab in your planning binder, and you ensure each section has a great advisory team helping you make the best decisions. If you break down the process into workable steps, you will feel a sense of progress. Which advisor do you need to see next week?<\/p>\n

4. <\/strong>Keep Up Your Health and Energy<\/h4>\n

What gives you energy? It is important to know what gives you energy and what keeps it up. Practice good self-care and well-being. You can\u2019t have the resiliency to take risks or let go if you are running on empty. Dad might want to have a few weeks in the sun, and Mom might want to visit her sister in Victoria. Recognize that \u201cdifferent is not wrong, it is just different.\u201d Your adult children want grandparents who can let go of the farm\u2019s demands, play with grandkids, and enjoy the fruit of your 40 years of hard work. Play!<\/p>\n

\"keep<\/p>\n

5. Creating Drama is a Choice<\/h4>\n

If your life is full of drama, ask yourself why you are choosing it. Marilee Adams, the author of \u201cChange Your Questions, Change Your Life<\/em><\/a>\u201d, says that we choose to have a learner mindset and be responsible for our actions, or we choose to be judges and drag others down with us into a pit of despair. As parents, your dramatic episodes are frustrating your spouse, your successors, and your family dynamic. Choose to understand the nature of your conflict and embrace positive behaviours. If you want to do a $40 online assessment of your conflict habits, email me<\/a> at with\u00a0 Conflict Profile in the subject line, and get started becoming more aware of your hot buttons.<\/p>\n

6. Talking is the Work<\/h4>\n

Whether it\u2019s putting the love back into your marriage, creating a workable new vision for your life, or setting up the timelines for a positive farm transition, \u00a0\u00a0good communication is critical. There are 19 free tools in the Farm Family Toolkit on my website<\/a>. Print out the communications styles tool to find what suits you:<\/p>\n