{"id":2862,"date":"2017-08-15T10:00:46","date_gmt":"2017-08-15T16:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=2862"},"modified":"2017-08-15T10:00:46","modified_gmt":"2017-08-15T16:00:46","slug":"how-to-help-dad-emotionally-when-its-time-to-quit-farming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2017\/08\/15\/how-to-help-dad-emotionally-when-its-time-to-quit-farming\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Help Dad Emotionally When It’s Time to Quit Farming"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"HowI recently posted about farm dads and the important role they play on the farm<\/a>. After that, a reader asked me to write about the emotions of quitting farming for these important figures. Let\u2019s take the approach of the farm culture attributes farm founders appreciate. What might it feel like when those qualities are present or missing on the farm team?<\/p>\n

1. Respect<\/h3>\n

The transitioning manager (not the boss) who is letting go of being the ultimate decision maker still wants and needs his opinion considered. A seed-grower retired and abruptly felt like his opinion was not important anymore. I found this surprising as I put a high value on elder wisdom and experience. I think young farmers are wise if they consider the sage advice of their parents. If you are sad about a lack of respect in your farm experience, talk about it, don\u2019t just stuff away your disappointment. Showing respect earns more respect.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

2. Appreciation<\/h3>\n

Small business coach Tom Hubler, says \u201cthe lack of appreciation\u201d is one of the key stumbling blocks in a successful farm succession plan. Just last week a \u00a0farmer confessed that he could likely show more appreciation to his farming son. This is urgent because the son is not convinced he can work alongside his parents for the next 15 years. The emotions they showed at that table were tears of fear when they realized that their 40 years of toil, risk, and growth may not be a secure legacy to the next generation. How are you showing appreciation to others on your farm? Father\u2019s Day is the perfect chance to make a special effort to write a short card to Dad and express words of appreciation.<\/p>\n

[Tweet “7 #emotions your #farm father is facing when quitting #farming and how you can help him.”]<\/p>\n

3. Success Mindset<\/h3>\n

What is your definition of success? If it is richness in\u00a0relationships than a harmonious culture on your farm will make you feel deeply grateful and satisfied. If you are not on speaking terms with siblings, in-laws, or grandchildren due to silent treatment and conflict, you are likely feeling like a failure. Unfortunately, as a coach, I do not possess magic fairy dust to sprinkle on grumpy people to make them behave well as emotionally mature adults. If success is eluding you, are you ready to call in help for counseling and do deep communication work?<\/p>\n

4. Timely Effort, a Healthy Work Ethic<\/h3>\n

Farm dads who have a hard time stopping their work are likely \u201clazy in relationship\u201d as they tend to over-work and under-relate. If your identity is tied to what you \u201cdo,\u201d then the crisis of letting go of your roles on the farm is likely going to leave you floundering and grieving. Healthy managers who hand over responsibility over time usually have a new dream or goal to work towards that energizes them. I can\u2019t say that I know that many retired farmers. One that is happy has moved to town, supports his farming children by driving out to help on request, and spends lots of time playing with grandchildren. If farm work has become an untamable monster, what are you going to do when you wake up in a hospital bed someday and wonder where all your friends have gone? It\u2019s time to feel great about what you have contributed, be grateful for the years left to create new meaning and purpose. You are \u201cgetting ready\u201d for a new chapter that no longer includes 100 hours of work. You will be okay.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

5. Growth in Business, Technology is Exciting or Fear-Inducing<\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t forget to grow the skill sets of your people. One farm founder is causing grief because his sense of self-worth is dependent on the farm business continually expanding. He is not listening to the younger generation whose energy is maxed out, while they are begging for more time with children. If your self-worth is tied to the size of your net worth statement you may be sad that you aren\u2019t as rich as you thought you would be at this stage in your life. Again, what is true wealth? Ralph Waldo Emerson says \u201cyour health is your wealth.\u201d<\/p>\n

6. Fun<\/h3>\n

It is okay to play and have a culture of fun on your farm. If folks are happy and getting along as a team you are likely a very happy farmer. Many folks who request coaching think that increasing their communication skills will help them get along better. Sometimes I wonder if a good holiday and long rest would be more helpful. Your body is not a John Deere\/Case IH tractor. We need rest and renewal, and we need to pay attention to sadness that just doesn\u2019t lift which might be depression. Emotionally, I want you to give yourself permission to enjoy the fruit of your labor and have some fun!<\/p>\n

Be radical and stop working on Sundays! This works at our farm.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

7. Leadership<\/h3>\n

Strong fathers are great leaders of their families and farms. They also allow team engagement and other family members to \u201clead from any chair.\u201d They don\u2019t have a need to always be in control or to have the last word on key decisions. Brene Brown talks about leading a \u201cwholehearted\u201d life.\u00a0 She suggests that writing down experiences of heartbreak and grief have emerged as the most help in making clear to people what they were feeling so they could articulate it to each other. Be an empathetic leader.<\/p>\n

\u201cTime is the most important gift you can give your family\u201d – Frederick Goddall<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I would be really interested to hear about the feelings you experienced when you \u201cquit\u201d farming. I have a new presentation called \u201cPlanting Hope Amidst Grief and Loss on the Farm.\u201d We need to recognize there are many kinds of losses in life, not just financial ones. I lost my farming dad to Alzheimer’s and then to death 5 years ago. Be grateful if you have a live, loving father to celebrate with. Make good memories this year, and be free to share your true feelings. Blessings on your journey.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently posted about farm dads and the important role they play on the farm. After that, a reader asked me to write about the emotions of quitting farming for these important figures. Let\u2019s take the approach of the farm culture attributes farm founders appreciate. What might it feel like when those qualities are present…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2876,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[25,210,714,696,76,715,716],"class_list":["post-2862","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-farm","tag-farm-dads","tag-farm-father-quitting","tag-farm-fathers","tag-farmers","tag-quiting-the-farm","tag-quitting-farming"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Help Dad Emotionally When It's Time to Quit Farming<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Farm dads face a particularly hard hurdle when they pass the farm down and quit farming. 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