{"id":2476,"date":"2020-09-15T10:00:23","date_gmt":"2020-09-15T16:00:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=2476"},"modified":"2020-09-15T10:00:23","modified_gmt":"2020-09-15T16:00:23","slug":"conflict-on-the-farm","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Tips for Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Managing<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe that we have farmed together for over 25 years and the fights between these two brothers just don\u2019t stop!\u201d<\/em>, says the exasperated farm woman who has had enough with the brotherly conflict on the farm.<\/p>\n

There’s no time like the present to reflect on how you want things to be different at your<\/strong> farm. I think Dr. Michale Rosmann\u2019s insight on managing conflict between farm family members<\/a> will be an encouragement to you.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s my application of his tips as a farm psychologist.<\/p>\n

Managing brotherly conflict on the farm<\/h2>\n

Brothers are typically competitive. Often, this competition turns into full-fledged brotherly conflict. So, how can you manage that? Here are six ways:<\/p>\n

1. Learn From Each Other<\/h3>\n

You each bring different skill sets to the operation, so how about having a learner mindset rather than judging one another? What can you take responsibility for to change?<\/p>\n

2. Share Your Deepest Needs and Don\u2019t Be Afraid to Ask for What You Need<\/h3>\n

I’ve seen bachelor brothers clam up and not talk. I have witnessed a next-generation<\/a> farmer longing for a leg up from an heirless uncle who just doesn\u2019t want to help his brother\u2019s family.<\/p>\n

UGH!<\/p>\n

People cannot read minds, start exploring new possibilities about how each brother\u2019s family can be a support to the other, and have a formalized meeting about the farm business plan, and the succession path you hope to take.<\/p>\n

Be civil in your conversations.<\/p>\n

3. Honor Each Other at Family Gatherings<\/h3>\n

Be family. Love one another. Love is a much healthier choice than hate. Seek out a mental health worker or therapist if there are deeper issues that need healing. When you die, you will not be remembered for the size of your tractor or wheat yields. Celebrate the family bonds that make you rich with relationships.<\/p>\n

To read about my own experience with mental health, click here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

[Tweet “6 ways to manage the #conflict between #farming #brothers.”]<\/p>\n

4. Affirm Each Other\u2019s Strengths Even During Brotherly Conflict<\/h3>\n

Say, \u201cI am proud of what we have created together. You are an amazing\u2026. (fill in the blanks). I appreciate your contributions to our success. Things are shifting now, and we need to face the fact that we are not getting any younger! What is best for our family, and what is best for our farm business?\u201d<\/p>\n

5. Embrace Diversity<\/h3>\n

You might not have the same core values as your brother, and that is what is fueling discord. I often see incompatibility in the work ethic or amount of work one brother is willing to keep performing compared to the \u201clazy\u201d brother. Talk about your disappointments and don\u2019t let resentment continue to build. Address the issues!<\/p>\n

6. Separate<\/h3>\n

Or\u2013have a plan to before you arrive at this desire.<\/p>\n

As you age and reassess what is really important in your life, you might want to let go of your business partnership and create a new structure for the farm.<\/p>\n

I have seen this work wonderfully when three brothers recognized their adult farming sons would not work well together, so they separated. This is okay, as long as a plan is well thought out, proactive, and all the emotion in the process is recognized.<\/p>\n

If it’s time to move off the farm, here are five things for farm founders to consider<\/a>.<\/p>\n

The unresolved brotherly conflict on the farm between two aging farm partners is a common theme of my coaching work. You might want to read \u201cCain\u2019s Legacy<\/a>\u201d by Jeanne Safer, or the book \u201cEmotional Blackmail<\/a><\/em>\u201d by Susan Forward for more insights.<\/p>\n

It saddens me when farm families are stuck in angst and brotherly conflict. What steps can you take today to have better harmony between brothers who farm together?<\/p>\n

Some of you who are sisters in the mix of partnering with your brother(s) may also be experiencing the same frustrations with competitions and values that are out of sync. In my seminars<\/a>, I have many audience members that have more than one successor, so there are several young farmers looking for benevolent uncles to create room for them.<\/p>\n

Resolving brotherly conflict and other farm family issues<\/h2>\n

Whatever your scenario looks like on your farm, start reaching out for help to change your current reality. Go here to view my coaching services<\/a> to help you deal with brotherly conflict and other farm family issues.<\/p>\n

Elaine is not travelling far these days during the GREAT PAUSE, so now is the perfect time to reach out<\/a> for some zoom coaching! She has time!<\/p>\n

Reach out to your advisors if it is time to start planning an amicable separation. Stop hurting each other with nastiness, and choose to embrace responsibility for your behavior.<\/p>\n

Protect your family farm legacy. Treat your brother right. Love one another.<\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this article about brotherly conflict on the farm, don\u2019t miss these posts:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Farm Transition Planning: 19 Ways to Change Your Mindset<\/a>
\nHow to Help Dad Emotionally When It\u2019s Time to Quit Farming<\/a>
\nWhen Farm Brothers Disagree: Advice for the Next Generation of Farm Managers<\/a><\/p>\n

This article was originally published on February 7, 2017, and has been updated.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cI can\u2019t believe that we have farmed together for over 25 years and the fights between these two brothers just don\u2019t stop!\u201d, says the exasperated farm woman who has had enough with the brotherly conflict on the farm. There’s no time like the present to reflect on how you want things to be different at…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3204,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[947,437,860,25,763,440,76,948,949],"class_list":["post-2476","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-brothers","tag-conflict","tag-conflict-on-the-farm","tag-farm","tag-farm-brothers","tag-farm-conflict","tag-farmers","tag-managing-conflict","tag-unresolved-farm-conflict"],"yoast_head":"\nManaging Brotherly Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I share six tips for managing brotherly conflict on the farm to restore harmony to this important farm family relationship.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I share six tips for managing brotherly conflict on the farm to restore harmony to this important farm family relationship.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-09-15T16:00:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"710\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"365\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elaine Froese\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elaine Froese\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elaine Froese\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3\"},\"headline\":\"6 Tips for Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-09-15T16:00:23+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\"},\"wordCount\":868,\"commentCount\":3,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png\",\"keywords\":[\"brothers\",\"conflict\",\"conflict on the farm\",\"Farm\",\"farm brothers\",\"farm conflict\",\"Farmers\",\"managing conflict\",\"unresolved farm conflict\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\",\"name\":\"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-09-15T16:00:23+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3\"},\"description\":\"I share six tips for managing brotherly conflict on the farm to restore harmony to this important farm family relationship.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png\",\"width\":710,\"height\":365,\"caption\":\"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"6 Tips for Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/\",\"name\":\"Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3\",\"name\":\"Elaine Froese\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df8162d4b4a0bb7b79f735f1fd39bc21a692ec62908384041c34339d64bd119?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df8162d4b4a0bb7b79f735f1fd39bc21a692ec62908384041c34339d64bd119?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Elaine Froese\"},\"description\":\"I\u2019m Elaine Froese, a lifelong farmer. Every day, I use my background in conflict resolution and communication to help fellow growers and ranchers face make-or-break issues head on \u2014 so they can focus on the business of farming. My expertise is sought after across Canada, and in the U.S. I'm a catalyst for courageous conversations, new scenarios and more profitable businesses. Many of my clients say: \u201cI wish I had met you 10 years ago.\u201d Learn more on how I can help you here \u2192\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/author\/elaine\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese","description":"I share six tips for managing brotherly conflict on the farm to restore harmony to this important farm family relationship.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese","og_description":"I share six tips for managing brotherly conflict on the farm to restore harmony to this important farm family relationship.","og_url":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/","og_site_name":"Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition","article_published_time":"2020-09-15T16:00:23+00:00","og_image":[{"width":710,"height":365,"url":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png","type":"image\/png"}],"author":"Elaine Froese","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Elaine Froese","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/"},"author":{"name":"Elaine Froese","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3"},"headline":"6 Tips for Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm","datePublished":"2020-09-15T16:00:23+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/"},"wordCount":868,"commentCount":3,"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png","keywords":["brothers","conflict","conflict on the farm","Farm","farm brothers","farm conflict","Farmers","managing conflict","unresolved farm conflict"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/","url":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/","name":"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm - Elaine Froese","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png","datePublished":"2020-09-15T16:00:23+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3"},"description":"I share six tips for managing brotherly conflict on the farm to restore harmony to this important farm family relationship.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Managing-Brotherly-Conflict-on-the-Farm2.png","width":710,"height":365,"caption":"Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/09\/15\/conflict-on-the-farm\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"6 Tips for Managing Brotherly Conflict on the Farm"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/","name":"Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3","name":"Elaine Froese","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df8162d4b4a0bb7b79f735f1fd39bc21a692ec62908384041c34339d64bd119?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/4df8162d4b4a0bb7b79f735f1fd39bc21a692ec62908384041c34339d64bd119?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Elaine Froese"},"description":"I\u2019m Elaine Froese, a lifelong farmer. Every day, I use my background in conflict resolution and communication to help fellow growers and ranchers face make-or-break issues head on \u2014 so they can focus on the business of farming. My expertise is sought after across Canada, and in the U.S. I'm a catalyst for courageous conversations, new scenarios and more profitable businesses. Many of my clients say: \u201cI wish I had met you 10 years ago.\u201d Learn more on how I can help you here \u2192","url":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/author\/elaine\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2476"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2476\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3204"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2476"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2476"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2476"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}