{"id":2077,"date":"2020-03-17T09:00:51","date_gmt":"2020-03-17T15:00:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=2077"},"modified":"2020-03-17T09:00:51","modified_gmt":"2020-03-17T15:00:51","slug":"importance-present-children-grandchildren","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be Present With Family (and Why It Matters)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-2084 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/The-Importance-of-Being-Present-For-You-Children-and-Grandchildren-1-710x365.jpg\" alt=\"The Importance of Being Present For You Children and Grandchildren\" width=\"710\" height=\"365\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe you&#8217;re encouraged to be more engaged and present with your children and grandchildren, but could you actually say you know HOW to be present with family?<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b>How to be present.<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I read Lisa Genova\u2019s latest book <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Left Neglected, <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was deeply moved by the power of a reconciled relationship. Without giving too much of the plot away, I would like you to consider how valuable a mother who is present for her children and grandchildren truly is. Additionally, we&#8217;ll discuss how to be present with ways you may have never considered.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One summer, the common thread of conversation at parties and family gatherings weaved grief with curiosity. Whether your name is Mom, Nanna, Oma, Baba, or Grandma, you have an important role to play in giving a legacy to your family by being present.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On that note, I&#8217;ve got plenty of resources on building a farming legacy, including <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-succession\/how-to-be-prepared-for-planning-your-farm-legacy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">this post<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> where I discuss how to plan your farm legacy.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Becoming disconnected.<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, grief spasms come when women are not allowed to fulfill their roles as a mother who is present. These are the teary-eyed sisters and friends who relate their angst about not being able to be with their children and grandchildren. I see this as a disturbing trend among the new generation of parents.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Farm family roles are challenging when they evolve. <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/evolving-farm-family-roles\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is how<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to navigate these transitions.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I have to ask the big question: \u201cWhat is this really about?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In Genova\u2019s book, the mother returns to the relationship with her daughter and grandchildren after the daughter\u2019s brain injury. Crisis and tragedy are not the best tipping points for change. But unfortunately, that&#8217;s sometimes the only motivator for things to be different.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would it be possible for you to see the problem of not being able to connect with your family as a challenge that needs to be solved, rather than whining and complaining about your daughter or daughter-in-law and her unreasonable boundaries? If you have no idea why you aren&#8217;t being allowed frequent access to your children and grandchildren, how are you going to find out the \u201cwhy?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are you judgmental?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have some \u201cself\u201d work to do first?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is there an underlying mental health issue that isn&#8217;t addressed?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As a farm family coach, I meet many moms who are trying their best to be a decent mother-in-law. Their intention is not to cause harm or conflict, but to \u201chelp.\u201d The next generation sometimes interprets this intention as \u201cinterference.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is this your case? What needs to happen to re-align everyone\u2019s honest intention for the relationship to be reconciled and flourish?<\/span><\/p>\n<p>[Tweet &#8220;#Farm #Moms: Here\u2019s why it\u2019s important to rekindle the relationship between you and your #children.&#8221;]<\/p>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The path to reconnecting.<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When conflict is avoided or left unattended, the small irritants can bubble under the surface until a \u201clittle thing\u201d becomes huge.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I encourage you to start the path of re-connecting by embracing an attitude of curiosity.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start with a conversation with your adult child to explore what they want from you as a parent. Ask where you have made mistakes or caused offense. Let them know that your intent is not to be a curse or to blame their parenting style, but that you want to be a \u201cpresent\u201d parent, who is a blessing to them and their children.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tried that Elaine, it didn\u2019t work.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I hear you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might just want to see if you can have access to the grandkids on neutral turf, like a vacation spot for a few days. Can you write them emails or chat with them on Skype? If you are totally blocked off from connecting, how about doing some work with a counselor about nurturing yourself in different ways. Pray for a breakthrough. Write letters of love that you keep for the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b>A lasting legacy.<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Use your creativity to think of ways to leave a lasting legacy for your family.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Utilize these tips for how to be present with your family.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be a woman of strong character who stands up for what is right, and is true to her cherished beliefs.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Document what characteristics and wishes you desire to have carried on to the next generation.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Create intimate friendships and connections with folks who truly care about your well-being.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nurture yourself and \u201cto thine own self be true.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Read <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.amazon.ca\/Extreme-Grandparenting-Ride-Your-Life\/dp\/1589974603\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Extreme Grandparenting<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and find ways to spoil (in healthy ways) your grand-kids who you can connect with.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take out that role sheet and plan for better ways of self-care, marriage care, and friendships with family, friends, and community. Ask yourself what you might be neglecting.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You matter.<\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&#8217;ve read books about women who were highly independent then brought to their knees with a brain injury. They encourage me to pay attention to the hurriedness of my life, and consciously slow down before a crash. I have a coaching friend in New Zealand who was kicked in the head by her horse. She now lives a very different life, treating her brain with care, and resting often.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, I don\u2019t want you to feel like you\u2019ve been kicked in the head. Especially not when you think about your need to matter and the reality of rejection from those you love. Instead, I encourage you to evaluate the problem and seek a solution. Be kind to yourself in the process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gather emotional support from those who care about you. Seek out professional resources to counsel and guide healing in the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In August 1998, my mother\u2019s asthma attack left her in a coma for two weeks until she died. I miss her. Ultimately, reflecting on her life reminds me of how having a present mother is a special gift.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever field of activity you find yourself in, I wish you deep joy in knowing that your legacy of love matters as a woman who sees the importance of being present for her family. Focus on the strengths, character, and skills you possess. This will help you become a better, more present mother to those who appreciate your \u201cgrandness.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You matter.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><b>Next steps.<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Would you like help with farm succession planning and handling farm transitions? Contact me today to learn about my<\/span> <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-succession-planning\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">farm succession planning<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">farm family coaching<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you enjoyed this article and you\u2019d like to dive deeper, don\u2019t miss these posts:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farming-business\/5-ways-of-dealing-with-conflict-on-the-farm\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><b>The 5 Ways of Dealing With Conflict on the Farm<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farm-family-coaching\/communicate-to-generations-on-the-farm\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><b>How to Communicate To the Different Generations on the Farm<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/farming-business\/10-things-millennial-farmers-want\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"><b>10 Things Millennial Farmers Want<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This article was originally published on July 5, 2016, and has been updated.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Maybe you&#8217;re encouraged to be more engaged and present with your children and grandchildren, but could you actually say you know HOW to be present with family? How to be present. When I read Lisa Genova\u2019s latest book Left Neglected, I was deeply moved by the power of a reconciled relationship. Without giving too much&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":2084,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[576,821,112,74,314,441,822,823,824,825],"class_list":["post-2077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-children","tag-children-relationships","tag-family","tag-farm-families","tag-farm-mothers","tag-farm-relationships","tag-grandchildren","tag-importance-of-relationships","tag-mothers","tag-rekindling-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Be Present With Family (&amp; Why It Matters) - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Utilize these tips &amp; tools for how to be present with your children &amp; grandchildren to strengthen your role within your family &amp; the relationships you have.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Be Present With Family (&amp; Why It Matters) - Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Utilize these tips &amp; tools for how to be present with your children &amp; grandchildren to strengthen your role within your family &amp; the relationships you have.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-03-17T15:00:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/The-Importance-of-Being-Present-For-You-Children-and-Grandchildren-1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"710\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"365\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Elaine Froese\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Elaine Froese\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Elaine Froese\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/#\/schema\/person\/6960d626ab7e9f2f8f719815b7733dc3\"},\"headline\":\"How to Be Present With Family (and Why It Matters)\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-03-17T15:00:51+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/\"},\"wordCount\":1117,\"commentCount\":3,\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/The-Importance-of-Being-Present-For-You-Children-and-Grandchildren-1.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"Children\",\"Children Relationships\",\"family\",\"Farm Families\",\"Farm Mothers\",\"farm relationships\",\"grandchildren\",\"importance of relationships\",\"Mothers\",\"rekindling relationships\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2020\/03\/17\/importance-present-children-grandchildren\/\",\"name\":\"How to Be Present With Family (& Why It Matters) - 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Every day, I use my background in conflict resolution and communication to help fellow growers and ranchers face make-or-break issues head on \u2014 so they can focus on the business of farming. My expertise is sought after across Canada, and in the U.S. I'm a catalyst for courageous conversations, new scenarios and more profitable businesses. 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