{"id":1997,"date":"2019-05-21T14:00:37","date_gmt":"2019-05-21T20:00:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=1997"},"modified":"2019-05-21T14:00:37","modified_gmt":"2019-05-21T20:00:37","slug":"love-farmer-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2019\/05\/21\/love-farmer-2\/","title":{"rendered":"My 9 Top Tips for Loving a Farmer"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"How<\/p>\n

This article was initially published on April 26, 2016, and has been updated.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I want farm couples to be happier in their relationships; as love partners <\/span>and<\/span><\/i> as farm partners. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes I ask the hard questions that irk people. But they know they need to deal with making their marriage stronger. <\/span>\u201cElaine is a marriage counselor, not a coach!\u201d<\/span><\/i> says the uncomfortable farmer after a coaching call. <\/span><\/p>\n

But as I tell my clients: \u201cCounseling is about recovery, but <\/span>coaching is about discovery.\u201d<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

I want you to discover that there are ways to love your farmer and be in a happy, mutually beneficial relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

With this in mind, here are 9 of my top tips for how to love a farmer.<\/span><\/p>\n

Nine tips for loving a farmer:<\/span><\/h2>\n

1. RESPECT and LOVE THEM<\/span><\/h2>\n

Author Emerson Eggerichs (<\/span>Love and Respect<\/span><\/i>) suggests that in a relationship men are looking for respect while women need love. <\/span><\/p>\n

I suspect that your man needs to hear words of affirmation from you, that you are proud of him and appreciate who he is.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your wife is the farmer, find ways to show her you love her\u2014start by learning what her love language is!<\/span><\/p>\n

Filling up the emotional bank account<\/span><\/a> for each person in your family just takes courage to speak truth and love into the other person\u2019s life. <\/span><\/p>\n

Be intentional about it, not just on special occasions. <\/span><\/p>\n

How do you currently show respect and love to your farmer?<\/span><\/p>\n

2. COOK<\/span><\/h2>\n

\u201cA hot meal\u201d is on the top of MY farmer\u2019s \u201ccaring list\u201d. <\/span><\/p>\n

We took time to explore the 12 ways we each like to be cared for, wrote it down, and laughed. <\/span><\/p>\n

Wes feels deeply loved when he walks into the house and can smell something good stewing. <\/span><\/p>\n

Only 21 percent of Canadians still cook from scratch, so affirm your cooking skills and show them off to your family!<\/span><\/p>\n

When was the last time you cooked your spouse\u2019s favorite supper? They care! <\/span><\/p>\n

You can also love your farmer by cooking healthy foods and not stuffing them full of sugary sweets. <\/span><\/p>\n

Love your physical hearts with smart cooking.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. SPEND TIME<\/span><\/h2>\n

In Gary Smalley and John Trent\u2019s <\/span>The Language of Love<\/span><\/i>, they use the concept of \u201cword pictures\u201d to convey strong meaning in marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

When Wes reports that he feels he\u2019s getting \u201cleftovers\u201d, he is telling me I am spending more energy on my clients, readers, and audience than on him. <\/span><\/p>\n

I need to check in and ask how he is doing regarding the time we\u2019re spending together, enjoying each other, and being connected. <\/span><\/p>\n

Quality time is one of the five love languages that Gary Chapman writes about in his famous book. <\/span><\/p>\n

Are you spending more time with grandchildren and neglecting the time needs of your spouse? Could you block off, at least, <\/span>one hour a week as \u201cmarriage time\u201d<\/span><\/a> to work on the state of your union? <\/span><\/p>\n

Walk. Date. Talk.<\/b><\/p>\n

4. ACTS OF SERVICE<\/span><\/h2>\n

Someone once suggested that \u201cclutter is energy constipation.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Our lives can be cluttered with busy activities and taking care of too much stuff. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you are ready to simplify things, how about attacking a project together as a couple? <\/span><\/p>\n

I know a wife who was thrilled to see the ugly old barn burn down (on purpose) as it ruined the view from her home. <\/span><\/p>\n

When I mentioned that the patio furniture needed to be packed away for the winter, I felt deeply loved when that same day the guys hauled it away to the shed on the flatbed. <\/span><\/p>\n

Small acts of kindness really mean a lot to a weary heart. <\/b><\/p>\n

How tidy and clean is your home sanctuary? Clean up together.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mending is also a sign of love. <\/span><\/p>\n

Patches anyone?<\/span><\/p>\n

5. SWEET SURPRISES<\/span><\/h2>\n

Do you still know your farmer\u2019s favorite treat? Is it licorice, almonds, or chocolate? <\/span><\/p>\n

Keep some on hand to pop into the lunch kits to the field. <\/span><\/p>\n

A small treat communicates, <\/span>\u201cI am thinking of you, and I care about you.\u201d<\/span><\/i> (Nuts do not have sugar\u2014just fat. Oh well!)<\/span><\/p>\n

Respark the relationship between you and your #farmer. 9 great ways to show them you still love them.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

CLICK TO TWEET<\/span><\/a><\/h2>\n

6. DISCUSS DEBT TOGETHER<\/span><\/h2>\n

Talk about spending large sums of money, and what impact it will have on the family. <\/span><\/p>\n

Spouses of farmers are tired of off-farm jobs subsidizing the farm cash flow only to discover that their opinion was not brought to the loan negotiating table. <\/span><\/p>\n

Disaster looms when debt is hidden and not openly discussed to explain the \u201cwhy we are doing this\u201d factor. <\/span><\/p>\n

A young hurting farmer confides that he was separated due to a large dairy debt that was not ratified by his wife. <\/span><\/p>\n

She was deeply hurt that she had been kept in the dark. <\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps you\u2019re using \u201cretail therapy\u201d to compensate for marriage deficits\u2014this needs to be addressed! <\/span><\/p>\n

7. MAKE REPAIRS QUICKLY<\/span><\/h2>\n

Nip conflicts in the bud and do not let stress simmer. <\/span><\/p>\n

Have a 10 o\u2019clock rule, that you will commit to resolving disputes before bedtime so that you can enjoy intimacy and not let the sun set on your anger. <\/span><\/p>\n

Some days you may not be able to fix things in a day. In that case, you can agree to \u201cpark the issue\u201d until the next business meeting or coffee time.<\/span><\/p>\n

8. REDEMPTIVE SEPARATION<\/span><\/h2>\n

Dealing with addictions may require time apart for therapy and rehabilitation. <\/span><\/p>\n

Drugs and alcohol are not good stress relievers. They <\/span>cause more harm and hurt to farm families<\/span><\/a> than many people know.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your marriage is experiencing issues that need counseling therapy, a doctor\u2019s diagnosis, or spiritual care, <\/span>get help now.<\/b><\/p>\n

The intent of redemptive separation is to practice tough love to get the person you love to change behavior and come back to the marriage in a healthy way. <\/b><\/p>\n

I love my farmer so much I check to see if he is keeping up with his medical care. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen is the last time you saw your doctor?\u201d I\u2019ll ask. Or, \u201cDo you even HAVE a doctor?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

9. KISS OFTEN<\/span><\/h2>\n

Need I say more?<\/span><\/p>\n

Have fun loving your farmer and put the \u201czest\u201d back into your marriage this year. <\/span><\/p>\n

Resiliency for farming starts with a stable marriage foundation. <\/b><\/p>\n

After all, we all want to love and be loved.<\/span><\/p>\n

Want to do more reading on the topic? My current recommendation is John Gottman\u2019s book, <\/span>The 7 Principles For Making a Marriage Work<\/span><\/i><\/a>. In the book, Gottman talks about developing a friendship in your marriage and learning to make repairs. <\/span><\/p>\n

Buy a copy for wedding gifts, anniversaries, and one for yourself!<\/span><\/p>\n

If you enjoyed this article and you\u2019d like to dive deeper, don\u2019t miss these posts: <\/span><\/p>\n

How to Prevent Divorce on Farms<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

Managing Your Marriage in the Muck<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

How to Build a Strong Relationship with Marriage Fitness<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

\n

P.S. Elaine and her readers appreciate hearing your happy love stories. Make a difference as a reader by sharing your successes in the comments below.<\/p>\n

Need more advice? Buy \u201cDo the Tough Things Right\u2026how to prevent communication disasters in family business\u201d<\/a>\u00a0from Elaine’s bookstore.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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