{"id":12317,"date":"2025-12-18T15:43:49","date_gmt":"2025-12-18T20:43:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=12317"},"modified":"2025-12-18T17:51:32","modified_gmt":"2025-12-18T22:51:32","slug":"christmas-on-the-farm-managing-expectations-family-dynamics-and-hope-this-season","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/12\/18\/christmas-on-the-farm-managing-expectations-family-dynamics-and-hope-this-season\/","title":{"rendered":"What do you truly need for Christmas?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; collapsed=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|1px||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/oagoy9WlAL8?si=t3mxwUcdN5_WXaUO\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is the time of year when little ones are full of ideas of what should be under the Christmas tree. It\u2019s also the time of year when parents are recovering their energy after a long harvest, cattle processing, and navigating the myriad demands of working off the farm and managing a farm business.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recently, at a Saskatchewan Women in Ag Conference in Saskatoon, I asked my audience of young and older farm and ranch women what they truly needed in this moment. You might be surprised by the texts they sent me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">1.<\/span><b> \u201cUnderstanding my point of view<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><b>\u201d<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Here\u2019s a woman whom I had coached the day before as she sought to find out how her role is changing as she ages in place on her farm. She was also seeking a new accountant who could help navigate the complexity of a large farm. One of the most powerful positive conflict behaviours is the ability to put yourself in someone else\u2019s shoes. Can you ask your spouse, \u201cWhat is it you truly need in this season\u201d?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2. \u201c<\/span><b>I need to know how to deal with a father-in-law who is stubborn, won\u2019t let go,<\/b> <b>and is a dead man walking with 2 heart attacks.\u201d<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Many farm founders continue working hard with their heads down, believing everything will \u201cjust work out\u201d if they work harder. Folks don\u2019t let go of anything unless they believe they can move toward something better. Founders have a strong identity connection to their power as managers, and letting go of power and control requires trust. It also begs a strong financial certainty that the next generation has the skills to manage well and not \u201close the farm.\u201d When you need folks to let go, ask, \u201cI am just curious, what are you truly afraid of as you let go of your manager roles\u201d?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">3. \u201c<\/span><b>I need procrastination to stop! I need to sit with that and make a plan<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">!\u201d This woman understands that change begins with her behaviour. She is self-aware in understanding her need to think about what she needs and wants, and activate a plan to make it happen. Christmas is a big marker in our year; it\u2019s a time of celebration and another reminder that another year has quickly flown by. What have we accomplished this year to give folks on our farm team more clarity for the family\u2019s future and the vision of the farm?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">4. <\/span><b>\u201cI need compassionate conflict resolution<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.\u201d Note the emphasis on <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">compassion<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You can do conflict well with the intent not to cause harm to others, and to attack the problem, not the person. Frankly, I\u2018ve had a tough week hearing sad stories of betrayal, violent conflict over inheritance expectations, and siblings who need to find ways to exit. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sad stories will not motivate action. Sound communication, which expresses emotion in a caring, compassionate way, can move mountains. Start expressing how decisions make you feel and learn more emotional descriptors beyond sad and mad. \u201cI am feeling hopeful and excited that we are finally sitting down with a facilitator to figure out what everyone expects and needs in this farm transition.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">5. <\/span><b>I need a way to approach my in-laws to decrease my anxiety<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Many daughters-in-law who have great financial skills and contribute to the work of the farm are worried about how they can ask for what they need from the founding parents without coming across as entitled or conflict creators. The best way to make an approach is to come from curiosity, prepare the older generation with a typed letter of what you want to talk about and why, and then set a time to meet, uninterrupted. \u201cBeing clear is kind,\u201d says Brene Brown, renowned researcher on emotional intelligence and vulnerability. It takes courage to be vulnerable with the family you married into, but \u201clove does not read minds.\u201d Be brave, be prepared, and practice positive conflict resolution skills, like reaching out, adapting, and creating solutions as you attack the challenges\/problems, not the people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">6. <\/span><b>Someone to hold my hand while we work through family conflict<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You are not alone. As coaches, we have confidential coaching calls on Zoom with you and your spouse, the founder couple, and siblings. In our practice, we believe that conflict resolution is a business risk management strategy that can be learned by incorporating better conflict language, well-crafted meetings, and accountability to action. Coaches keep the space for communication safe and respectful. We can also help you find out what your current strengths are with the online tool <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cConflict Dynamic Profile\u201d<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> available <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\/shop\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can only change yourself. What would it look like for you to be skilled at asking for what you truly need this Christmas to embrace the vision you have for yourself, your spouse, and your family, including the in-laws on your farm team?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Embrace assumption-free living and ask respectfully for what you truly need. Let me know how this gift impacts your new year!<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Did you enjoy <em><strong>What do you truly need for Christmas<\/strong><strong>?<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0You might want to check these articles out, too:<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/12\/04\/why-the-holidays-feel-heavy-for-farmers-and-how-to-find-contentment-instead-of-stress\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Contentment in Times of Prescriptive Joy<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/11\/06\/navigating-farm-life-8-practical-tips-to-prevent-farm-burnout\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Navigating Farm Life: Making Intentional Choices to Manage Burnout<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/10\/23\/human-resource-training-for-farm-families-why-it-matters\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Building HR Skills for a Stronger Family Business<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;Section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;Row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/Value-Rocks-Eisenhower-Matrix-1.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Value Rocks &#038; Eisenhower Matrix (1)&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/value-rocks-eisenhower-matrix\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; admin_label=&#8221;Image&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Christmas on the farm often carries unspoken expectations, family pressure, and deep hope. This reflection invites farm families to pause, communicate, and rediscover what truly matters this season\u2014faith, connection, and forward movement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12342,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[2388,603,2387,2389,2384,887,1129,2385,2386,2392,2390,2391],"class_list":["post-12317","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-christian-encouragement-for-farm-families","tag-christmas-on-the-farm","tag-faith-and-farming","tag-family-communication-on-the-farm","tag-farm-family-christmas","tag-farm-family-dynamics","tag-farm-transition-conversations","tag-holiday-stress-on-the-farm","tag-managing-expectations-on-the-farm","tag-rural-family-life","tag-strong-farm-families","tag-women-in-agriculture-leadership"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Christmas on the Farm: Managing Expectations, Family Dynamics, and Hope This Season<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Christmas on the farm brings joy and pressure. Explore managing expectations, family dynamics, and faith-centered hope this season.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/12\/18\/christmas-on-the-farm-managing-expectations-family-dynamics-and-hope-this-season\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Christmas on the Farm: Managing Expectations, Family Dynamics, and Hope This Season\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Christmas on the farm brings joy and pressure. 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