{"id":10977,"date":"2025-04-24T00:00:45","date_gmt":"2025-04-24T04:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=10977"},"modified":"2025-05-06T11:15:06","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T15:15:06","slug":"adapting-to-change-with-the-power-of-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/04\/24\/adapting-to-change-with-the-power-of-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Adapting to Change with the Power of Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; collapsed=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|1px||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/H-dJYH45nCU?si=Y7USecurkPqCTZR3\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>I was standing in my kitchen, tears rolling down my cheeks that felt almost unstoppable. The voice of a good friend was playing on an audio message on my phone. The message was comforting. Yet it also gave me a reality check. My friend was reminding me of all of the changes I had been experiencing since moving to my husband\u2019s family farm north of Winnipeg two months prior. Different house, new daycare for the kids, uncertainty about where I will work in town. As I listened to her talk, the tears continued to well up in my eyes. My kids were in the other room watching TV, and for a second, I wondered, \u201cDo they notice me crying?\u201d I reassured myself that they would be preoccupied while I allowed myself to experience what was happening. I took a breath in and tried to let go of the tension in my body and give in to the tears that were pushing themselves out.<\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How come we try to control or hold back our emotions? Can we instead use them to help us understand how we are experiencing life on the farm, especially the changes we go through?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having been raised in the Mennonite culture, I have a hard time knowing how and when to express my emotions. Since my mother was told by my grandparents to hide how she felt, she was intentional about raising my brothers and me to be open about our feelings as much as we felt comfortable. Despite her efforts, I was still immersed in a Mennonite culture in high school and university that did not encourage this openness or make space for emotions. Experiencing emotions &#8211; let alone expressing them to or in front of others &#8211; was not something I was used to. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Developed by psychology professors at Eckerd College, the Conflict Dynamics Profile tool indicates that Expressing Emotions is a constructive (healthy) conflict behaviour, one that can help us work through times of conflict (and, I would argue, times when we are experiencing changes). Identifying our emotions first helps us understand how to communicate them to others. But if we are raised to hide <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> we feel, it can be difficult to even begin to know <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">what<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> we are feeling. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That day in my kitchen, it was hard to understand what I was feeling because although I was crying, it didn\u2019t feel like sadness. A few days later, I remembered what I had learned in a workshop about how people experience change. Every time a person goes through a major change in life, they experience a downward trend of negative emotions, often expressed as anger or sadness, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">before<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> they are able to fully accept the change. This concept comes from a visual called The Change Curve, first introduced in the 1960s by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross to explain the grieving process. As my trainer noted, we need to experience the downward slope &#8211; the bottom of the curve where sadness or grief occurs &#8211; in order to move forward and fully accept the change. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once I had identified that I was feeling some type of grief, I gave myself some grace. Brene Brown notes that grief can actually have three elements: loss, longing, and feeling lost. She writes, \u201cThe more difficult it is for us to articulate our experiences of loss, longing, or feeling lost to people around us, the more disconnected and alone we feel.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So now I was still left wondering, \u2018What am I grieving? Am I feeling lost?\u2019<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My husband and I had been looking forward to moving to the farm for a few years. Our four-year-old daughter was old enough to feel excited about being closer to family, yet young enough to make new friends easily before starting school. We were leaving a small acreage in an area where we didn\u2019t know many of our neighbours to embrace a farming lifestyle in a rural community where we already had many connections. It was a huge change for all of us, but one that we were ready for, at least mentally. Our emotions had not yet caught up to all of these changes. We were still at the bottom of the curve. The reality was that we still had a lot of planning to do with his parents, who farmed cattle and grain for their sole income. There was still so much uncertainty in our future, even though we told ourselves that we were making the right decision for our family to move to the farm. What we were <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">longing<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for was what Elaine Froese calls the \u201cthree Cs\u201d in farm transition: Clarity of expectations, Certainty of timelines and agreements, and a Commitment to action.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I turned to the book Bittersweet by Susan Cain, which gave me some hope and insight into how this \u201cgrief\u201d could help me feel ready for the next chapter our family was in. Cain\u2019s book discusses how feelings of longing and sorrow \u201cmake us whole\u201d and help us acknowledge the imperfections in life. She writes that moments of loss in life are just as important as moments of joy and success, arguing that our \u201chighest states,\u201d such as finding meaning, emerge from understanding the bittersweet nature of life. \u201cThese losses shape your psyche; they lay down patterns for all your interactions. If you don\u2019t understand them and actively work to form new emotional habits, you\u2019ll act them out again and again.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While I have not yet discovered all of the possible meanings of the grief I was experiencing, I am thankful that I cried that day. The release of emotions, and later on the ability to talk about how I was feeling with my husband, was an important stage in the journey we are on together. My hope for farm families is that they can explore their emotions instead of hiding from them and acknowledge that how we feel can be an incredible indicator to learn what we need. <\/span><\/p>\n<p>Did you enjoy <em><strong>Adapting to Change with the Power of Grief<\/strong><strong>?<\/strong><\/em> You might want to check these articles out too:<\/p>\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/04\/10\/transition-plans-embracing-change-in-farm-leadership-legacy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Get Great Transition Plans in Place Now, and Make My Heart Sing!<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/03\/27\/grandma-stop-hurting-your-familys-transition\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Grandma, Stop Hurting Your Family\u2019s Transition!!<\/a><\/strong><br \/><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/03\/13\/gifts-with-a-warm-hand-not-a-cold-one\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Gifts with a Warm Hand, Not a Cold One<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;Section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;Row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/Because-I-Love-You-List-4.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Because I Love You List (4)&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/because-i-love-you-list\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; admin_label=&#8221;Image&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I moved to the farm, I didn\u2019t expect grief. But through tears and reflection, I discovered the power of grief to guide and heal.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":65,"featured_media":10982,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2215,2220,2217,2216,2213,2211,1262,887,2210,2218,2214,976,2209,2212,2219],"class_list":["post-10977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-bittersweet-moments","tag-brene-brown-grief","tag-clarity-commitment-certainty","tag-coping-with-uncertainty","tag-embracing-change","tag-emotional-wellness","tag-expressing-emotions","tag-farm-family-dynamics","tag-farm-life-transition","tag-farm-transition-support","tag-grief-and-change","tag-mental-health","tag-power-of-grief","tag-rural-parenting","tag-susan-cain-bittersweet"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Adapting to Change with the Power of Grief<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Discover the power of grief in farm life transitions\u2014how embracing emotions can lead to clarity, connection, and deeper meaning.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/04\/24\/adapting-to-change-with-the-power-of-grief\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Adapting to Change with the Power of Grief\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Discover the power of grief in farm life transitions\u2014how embracing emotions can lead to clarity, connection, and deeper meaning.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/04\/24\/adapting-to-change-with-the-power-of-grief\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Elaine Froese | Canada\u2019s Farm Whisperer | Your go-to expert for farm families who want better communication and conflict resolution to secure a successful farm transition\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2025-04-24T04:00:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-05-06T15:15:06+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/Power-of-Grief.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1280\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"720\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kalynn Spain\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kalynn Spain\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" 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