{"id":10865,"date":"2025-03-27T00:00:05","date_gmt":"2025-03-27T04:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=10865"},"modified":"2025-03-31T16:08:39","modified_gmt":"2025-03-31T20:08:39","slug":"grandma-stop-hurting-your-familys-transition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/03\/27\/grandma-stop-hurting-your-familys-transition\/","title":{"rendered":"Grandma, Stop Hurting Your Family\u2019s Transition!!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; collapsed=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|1px||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Ccwht5tJesE?si=Pvu9cr5Fd8_j7Uia\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every farm family has a story, and I have just had the joy of spending 2 days with 380 Nebraska Women in Agriculture at their 40<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">th<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> conference. The session was led by Katie Samples Dean a straightforward farm-owner lawyer who suggested that many plans for succession\/transition are foiled or are the wrong plan because Grandma did or does not understand the consequences of her decision-making.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While I waited to board my plane in Kearney, the story appeared again with a young farmer reaching out for answers as his mom was not aware of the current reality of the farm\u2019s business structure. She listens to non-farm siblings for their input and is unwilling to even consider that her dead husband\u2019s wishes, which she wants to honour, may not be the best direction for the farm or the family in 2025.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Here are some steps to consider:<\/b><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><b>Educate your mom and yourself as the successor with farm financial literacy<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You need to understand your best options for the structure of the business and navigating expectations. Mom may want the land to be divided among all children, even the non-farm heirs, but what happens now if there are addiction issues, divorce, or other new circumstances that destabilize the family? When Dad passed, the farm was at a different stage. You need to observe the <\/span><b>new <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">needs of the family and the business.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Be clear with mom or grandma how much income she needs to live at the level she needs<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It would be wise to have a certified fee-for-service financial planner to assess the level of financial security Mom has. Does she have enough income to live well for the next 2 decades? Does she have long-term care plans?\u00a0 Many women have life estates to stay in their homestead homes, yet the farming grandson who was promised the home cannot move because Grandma forgot that promise, and her non-farm child is telling her to stay put! Grandma, you have friends in town, you will be closer to medical care, and you can still come out to the farm often to pick raspberries and watch the cows. What is best for the whole farming family?<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Avoid paying tax<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. (Pushing the taxes forward with the capital gains on the land and other accounting\/tax issues) Lawyer Katie used an example of great-grandparents, grandparents, and parents rolling land to the next generation, but they did not know or were not able to predict the future of very high land values, and the tax burden on the next generation who had other plans for the high-value land. Katie\u2019s comment was to do lots of scenario planning so you can truly understand the consequences of your decisions. This is where being stubborn and not paying some of the tax as you go may hurt the succeeding generations.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Allowing conflict triangles<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. It is not uncommon for folks to share that the non-farm heirs have been spending a lot of time at grandma\u2019s house and creating discord. In conflict resolution, we encourage folks to go directly to the source of the tension and have courageous, respectful conversations with the parties involved to create solutions. Grandma is hurting the family when she takes sides, when she is not honest about the tension points, or avoids conflict resolution talks altogether.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/><\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>The deal is done, sister<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. The sisters got payment for land 6 years ago and were happy then but are not happy now as land values have risen. The mindset of \u201cwe deserve more now\u201d is the mindset of greed and entitlement, which is fragmenting farm families.\u00a0 Grandma is terrified of family conflict, so she avoids the hard discussions. She also needs to be clear that the farmland is to be kept intact, and the siblings who are non-farm heirs may have access to land but there will be long-term rental agreements in place with the farm heirs holding the right of first refusal.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Buying out siblings who are doing just fine financially<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This is a scenario that fragments families even after they are bought out. We bought out 3 quarters of land when my husband\u2019s sisters were in their thirties. This would be a real hardship if we had to do this now when the land value has gone from $67K to $450K. The real issue here for Grandma is she wants all of her children to get some form of assets or cash, but she has little cash or liquidity because she comes from the generation that survived high interest rates in the 80s but also put more wealth back into the farm business and did not save or use personal wealth strategies to give her liquidity on the personal side.\u00a0 The lesson here is don\u2019t avoid saving in TFSAs or other investments for your golden years. Look at other financial plans to help you have more options to share and cascade wealth to your family. Again, seek the expert scenario insights of a financial planner.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Hire a farm management specialist<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This person can help all parties understand the cash flow reality of the farm and look for opportunities to grow income. These folks are also good a current reality checks of what the farm can manage to pay out the partners wanting to leave the business or how to buy out grandma\u2019s shares.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Don\u2019t procrastinate<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Dementia for grandma may be knocking on her door. I met women in Nebraska whose aging folks do not have a plan in place, what Katie the lawyer calls \u201cno Plan,\u201d and they both have signs of dementia! Planning is a very important activity but heart attacks, cancer, accidents, and other sad stories in the neighborhood just don\u2019t seem to motivate sane folks to focus and execute a transition plan.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Choose to act<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You can stew and get mad at Grandma for taking sides, or you can get professional facilitation to create a better understanding of the financial realities of living costs for Grandma, the farm business team, and the non-farm heirs to navigate expectations, create solutions, and celebrate the next birthday party together.<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><br \/><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is your next step towards harmony through understanding going to be?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Elaine Froese and her <a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/coaching\/coaching-team\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">team<\/a> are here to help you embrace positive conflict behaviour and figure out how to explore the needs and wants of your farm family. Reach out <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\/contact\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">here<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for your free discovery call today. Grandma is not getting younger.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Did you enjoy <em><strong>Grandma, Stop Hurting Your Family\u2019s Transition<\/strong><strong>?<\/strong><\/em> You might want to check these articles out too:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/03\/13\/gifts-with-a-warm-hand-not-a-cold-one\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Gifts with a Warm Hand, Not a Cold One<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/02\/27\/farm-communication-improves-when-we-start-with-connection\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Farm Communication Improves When We Start With Connection<\/a><br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2025\/02\/13\/making-marriage-work-on-your-farm\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Making Marriage Work on Your Farm<\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;Section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;Row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/03\/How-To-Write-A-Letter-To-Get-Unstuck.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;How To Write A Letter To Get Unstuck&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/how-to-write-a-letter-to-get-unstuck\/&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; admin_label=&#8221;Image&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Struggling with your family\u2019s transition? Learn how to navigate farm succession, financial security, and family dynamics for a smooth future.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10875,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[2153,2148,2158,2157,2150,2146,2159,2144,2151,2145,2119,1794,1937,2161,2160,2147,754,1953,2155,329,2101,2154,1817,2149,621,2152,1282,2156,1949,359],"class_list":["post-10865","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","tag-agricultural-financial-literacy","tag-agriculture-law","tag-agriculture-succession-success","tag-avoiding-family-conflict","tag-estate-planning-for-farmers","tag-family-conflict-resolution","tag-family-owned-farms","tag-familys-transition","tag-farm-asset-protection","tag-farm-business-structure","tag-farm-estate-planning","tag-farm-family-harmony","tag-farm-financial-planning","tag-farm-future-planning","tag-farm-heir-buyout","tag-farm-heir-challenges","tag-farm-inheritance","tag-farm-legacy-planning","tag-farm-management-consulting","tag-farm-succession","tag-farm-tax-strategies","tag-farm-women-leadership","tag-farming-family-dynamics","tag-farming-generational-wealth","tag-generational-farming","tag-land-inheritance","tag-non-farm-heirs","tag-rural-estate-planning","tag-rural-family-business","tag-succession-planning"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Grandma, Stop Hurting Your Family\u2019s Transition!! 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