{"id":10002,"date":"2024-10-10T13:34:19","date_gmt":"2024-10-10T17:34:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/?p=10002"},"modified":"2024-10-10T13:59:29","modified_gmt":"2024-10-10T17:59:29","slug":"not-talking-about-your-emotions-will-make-you-a-bad-decision-maker","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/10\/10\/not-talking-about-your-emotions-will-make-you-a-bad-decision-maker\/","title":{"rendered":"Not Talking About Your Emotions Will Make You a Bad Decision Maker"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; collapsed=&#8221;off&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; custom_padding=&#8221;||1px|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.16&#8243; custom_padding=&#8221;|||&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; custom_padding__hover=&#8221;|||&#8221;][et_pb_text admin_label=&#8221;Text&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; background_size=&#8221;initial&#8221; background_position=&#8221;top_left&#8221; background_repeat=&#8221;repeat&#8221; hover_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221; sticky_enabled=&#8221;0&#8243;]<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/YkkYsWcFIHg?si=Aec_hj8SefEe8p-U\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hello, everyone! This is Crisol Gonzalez and I\u2019m back again with some thoughts to chew over. Today, I want to talk about a statement I often hear: <\/span><b>\u201cTalking about emotions will make you a bad decision maker.\u201d<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Whenever I ask why people believe this, they usually say, \u201cIf you base your decisions on emotions, you won\u2019t think logically, and everything will fall apart.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I get that concern, but I see it differently. I like to think of emotions as the control panel on your tractor. If you\u2019ve ever watched the movie <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Inside Out\u2122,<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> it does a great job of showing how emotions work as our personal control system.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, think about how you read the gauges, lights, and sounds on your tractor, combine, or the controls in your milking parlor. You\u2019ve probably spent years getting good at understanding your machinery, investing time and energy to learn how to use these tools effectively. And you take pride in that, right? Well, that\u2019s exactly how emotions work in our lives. We humans are built in a complex and amazing way, and our emotions are like the lights and alarms that guide us through daily life, whether it&#8217;s with family, friends, or coworkers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our bodies are constantly reading signals about how we relate to those around us\u2014our spouse, kids, neighbors, farmhands, clients, veterinarians, nutritionists, and more. Learning to understand emotions is like learning to read the warning lights on your tractor. It helps you better understand yourself and go beyond just feeling \u201cangry\u201d or \u201cbad.\u201d When you dig deeper, you can figure out what\u2019s really going on and what you need to fix.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe you&#8217;re thinking, \u201cIf I don\u2019t pay attention to my emotions, they\u2019ll just go away.\u201d But that\u2019s not true. Ignoring emotions won\u2019t make them disappear; they\u2019ll still be there, just under the surface, affecting how you think and act. When we don\u2019t recognize our emotions, we end up making \u201crational decisions\u201d that aren\u2019t very rational at all. For example, maybe you start avoiding your spouse because you don\u2019t want to discuss the new loan you had to take out for the farm. Or you grab a beer or cigarette at the end of the day to \u201ccalm your nerves.\u201d These are unconscious ways our bodies cope when we don\u2019t have better tools to handle stress or sadness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One book we recommend a lot in coaching is <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by Marshall B. Rosenberg. It explains that emotions are our body\u2019s immediate response to life\u2019s experiences. Think about how you reacted the first time you tasted something bitter, like an olive. That initial emotion of disgust is an automatic response. But once you attach a thought to that emotion, it becomes a feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, picture the last time your grandkid handed you a drawing they made just for you. Your initial emotional response might have been a smile and feeling happy. But when you add the thought of how that little person took the time to make something special for you, it deepens into feelings of love and appreciation. That thought can even create a physical reaction\u2014you might feel warm inside, relaxed, or energized. These reactions happen in our bodies all the time. It\u2019s proof that emotions use energy, which is why you might feel exhausted after a stressful day, a close call, or attending a funeral.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Since emotions are a natural part of life, how do we embrace them and use them wisely?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Karla McLaren, in her book <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Embracing Anxiety: How to Access the Genius of This Vital Emotion,<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> talks about emotions being a \u201cvital aspect of everything we do\u2014thinking, deciding, relating, acting, loving, and healing.\u201d She explains four key points for mastering emotions:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>There are no negative or positive emotions.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> We often learn in our families what emotions are \u201cgood\u201d or \u201cbad.\u201d Some people grow up believing that crying is a sign of weakness, and the only acceptable emotion is anger. So instead of feeling sad, they express frustration because it\u2019s what they were taught. Emotions are neither good nor bad; they\u2019re just signals, like a light on your tractor\u2019s dashboard. I encourage you to look up the \u201cWheel of Emotions\u201d or download the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Wheel of Feels<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> app. It can help you identify a wider range of emotions, beyond just the ones you\u2019re used to showing.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Emotions come in different levels of intensity, and having the right vocabulary is key.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> McLaren refers to research by Lisa Feldman Barrett, which shows that the more specific you can be in naming your emotions, the better you can manage them. Being able to precisely name how you\u2019re feeling\u2014whether it\u2019s \u201cirritated,\u201d \u201cfrustrated,\u201d or \u201cenraged\u201d\u2014helps you regulate your body\u2019s response and organize your thoughts. Think of it as diagnosing a problem with your equipment. The more specific you are, the quicker you can fix it.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Emotions often come in clusters.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> You\u2019ve probably had moments where you weren\u2019t sure what you were feeling. Maybe you just ignored it, but McLaren says that\u2019s normal\u2014sometimes emotions come in groups. For example, when your child or grandchild got married, you might have felt both happy and sad at the same time. It\u2019s common to experience mixed emotions, and recognizing this can help you see the value each emotion brings to your life.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Learn to channel your emotions in a healthy way.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> We often develop coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with what\u2019s really bothering us. McLaren suggests seeing emotions as useful information. For instance, if you feel angry, ask yourself what action or situation triggered it. Once you understand that, you can talk to others about what\u2019s upsetting you and ask for what you need. This helps you set boundaries and communicate more effectively, both in the barn and at home.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As we move through this month, I hope you take some time to work on your emotional \u201ccontrol panel.\u201d Start by expressing emotions like gratitude, happiness, and love. Pay attention to how these emotions feel in your body, and practice sharing what brings them out in you. Your emotions, like your tractor\u2019s gauges, are there to guide you\u2014don\u2019t ignore them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">&#8211; Crisol Gonzalez<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #662d91;\">Did you enjoy <strong>Not Talking About Your Emotions Will Make You a Bad Decision Maker <\/strong><\/span><strong><span style=\"color: #622181;\">?<\/span><\/strong><span style=\"color: #662d91;\"> You might want to check these articles out too:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/09\/26\/how-to-clean-up-your-conflict-filter-and-shift-your-avoidance-mindset\/\">How to Clean Up Your Conflict Filter and Shift Your Avoidance Mindset<\/a><br \/><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/09\/12\/thinking-inside-the-box-of-lateral-thinking\/\">Thinking Inside the Box of Lateral Thinking<\/a><br \/><a class=\"wp-block-latest-posts__post-title\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2024\/08\/29\/how-to-discuss-the-undiscussabull\/\">How to Discuss the UndiscussabullTM<\/a><\/p>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; admin_label=&#8221;Section&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_row admin_label=&#8221;Row&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.24.2&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.17.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/04\/Because-I-Love-You-List-3.jpg&#8221; title_text=&#8221;Because I Love You List (3)&#8221; url=&#8221;https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Because-I-love-you-list-Elaine-Froese.pdf&#8221; url_new_window=&#8221;on&#8221; admin_label=&#8221;Image&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.27.0&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221; global_colors_info=&#8221;{}&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Crisol Gonzales invites us to challenge conventional wisdom and rethink the problematic perspective that emotions somehow cloud our judgment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":10026,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"<iframe title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o4K6bItAbCY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe>\r\n\r\nHarvest is in full swing on our farm, and I am not there\u2026for a few days. Where is it written you cannot leave the farm during harvest? (Almost on every page of the unpublished book \u201cThe Culture of Agriculture.\u201d)\r\n\r\nIf you are one of the 2800 folks who have stumbled upon \u201cFinding Fairness in Farm Transition\u201d on my YouTube channel at Farm Family Coach, you already know I am on a mission to change mindsets in agriculture. Fairness is helping everyone in the family be successful.\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Enter Scott Armstrong and his new workbook: <i>Mind Switch Retirement Planner<\/i>.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\r\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-6952 size-large\" src=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Untitled-design-1024x512.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1024\" height=\"512\" \/>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Armstrong is a speaker friend who shared his insights at a national financial planner September convention in Niagara Falls, the place I also journeyed to at the start of our September harvest. He uses the word \u201cretirement\u201d, for ag folks I prefer to use the term reinvention:<\/p>\r\n<p class=\"p1\"><strong>Here are some things to consider as you age on your farm or ranch:<\/strong><\/p>\r\n\r\n<ol class=\"ol1\">\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>What are the current roles you want to continue?<\/b> Which ones would you like to let go of? My farmer is coughing more after cleaning bins, and I am encouraging him to quit that task at age 65, which is now.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Are you still passionate about farming?<\/b> Or just parts of it? Simon Sinek says, \u201cfulfillment comes when we live our lives on purpose\u201d. What is it you are doing on your farm where you lose all track of time? This summer I think my farmer lost track of mowing fields and ditches and waiting for the grain to ripen. I love to play with my grandkids and enjoy their giggles, stories, and curiosity. Play me with them is a sweet spot and I am intentional in making time for them. I am still passionate about helping farm families make intentional choices for a better quality of life and harmony through understanding.<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Do your passion and purpose align with your spouse\u2019s vision<\/b>? This is where it gets messy. You want to leave the farm life roles and responsibilities, but your partner does not. Not for a long time! Where is it written you cannot pursue some things in different time zones or days apart from your spouse?<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>Independence is one of my core values, yet my husband respects what I need to fill my well, and I am happy when I return to the farm from my off-farm contracts and contacts. Love and respect for the other can go both ways.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Adventure is big<\/b> on Scott Armstrong\u2019s workbook list. Farmers spend a lot of money on crop protection and other inputs. Many use the points from farm credit cards to fund short-term winter adventures. One of my clients is on a motorbike in the Maritimes as I write this. (Dairy farmer). Another farmer spends time in Mexico helping the poor build houses in the winter, and he wants to do more of this. Our adventures to visit friends in New Zealand, or travel with friends to Hawaii have been great times of renewal. Perhaps there is an ag tour you have been putting off. The GREAT PAUSE showed us how isolation and lack of adventure can really cramp our style, but we now have options. The most recent adventure for folks in our circle has been electric bikes. They are great for checking fields, riding down the Turtle Mountains to Boissevain, and going for a quick spin before supper. What is the adventure you have been putting off?<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Vitality is an energy we all want more of.<\/b> Armstrong is convinced we are only using 50% of our body\u2019s capacity. Our wonderful physician Dr. Nell shook his finger at us 5 years ago saying \u201cLook you two it\u2019s time you started having some fun. At 75 it all starts to fall apart!\u201d<span class=\"Apple-converted-space\">\u00a0 <\/span>This year I\u2019ve shed some weight via the app \u201cNOOM\u201d and am working on a better morning fitness routine. My friend, a cattle producer at age 68 does lots of stretching and 40 minutes on her elliptical every morning. She makes time for lots of hiking adventures and ensures her body is in great form. Armstrong has a great list of sleep hacks to have more renewal time.\r\nYour body is not a machine. Save money now by paying better attention to your health and making small habit changes to be healthier. Be kind to your brain and get off your devices long before bed. This will not kill you, and your marriage may be better off for the pillow talk without blue lights flashing from your cell phone or iPad, or TV.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Finances:<\/b> The number one encouragement I have is to find a good financial planner who can guide you with your income streams and personal wealth as your farm assets keep growing. CAFA which is the Canadian Association of Farm Advisors has great advisors in their directory who understand the culture of agriculture and the challenges of debt servicing and the need for personal wealth options. See <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.cafanet.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.cafanet.ca<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/li>\r\n \t<li><strong>Living Legacy:<\/strong> What do you want people to say about you BEFORE you die?\r\nI hope you have a wonderful 80th birthday party where folks can tell you in their own words and stories about how your life really was a blessing to them. Do you want to be able to set your grandkids up for financial success? Can you help fund their RESP for trades or university training? Could you help fund the local arts and culture or sports foundation of your small town? Would you be able to secretly give a \u201cleg up\u201d to a struggling single parent? Having the time to walk alongside newcomers to your community and financial support can be a huge blessing to making your town a great place to age gracefully. We live close to one of Manitoba\u2019s most beautiful small towns. The new bakeshop owner is now making sourdough bread with wheat head designs, plus great peanut butter marshmallow slices. This news may not excite you, but it is becoming a destination attraction. Sometimes it is the \u2018little things in life\u201d that make a day sweeter.<\/li>\r\n \t<li class=\"li1\"><b>Social times<\/b>. Armstrong surprised me with his challenge to question who your friends are and why. Post-Covid relationships look different, and you may be navigating the loss of long-time or childhood friends. Intentionally make a list of the folks who align with your purpose and plans for growth. I\u2019ll still a big fan of calling my far-away friends to keep relationships growing, yet I also know having tea in person is refreshing. I suspect the guys reading this are longing for more friendships beyond the farm gate. What are you DOING about it?<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Find out more about Scott Armstrong\u2019s fun, practical workbook at <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.mindswitch.ca\"><span class=\"s1\">www.mindswitch.ca<\/span><\/a><\/span>, and reach out to the Mind Switch community on <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/profile.php?id=100063687142266\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a>.<\/span> Tell him you are working on changing the mindsets in agriculture, one family at a time.<\/p>\r\n<a href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/insights\/free-stuff\/roles-storyboard\/\"><strong><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">Grab your copy of the Roles Storyboard<\/span><\/strong><\/a> to <span class=\"RFZYhc\">help you understand your 6 key roles - personal, couple, family, work (farm and off farm), friends, community.<\/span>\r\n\r\n***\r\n<p class=\"p1\">Elaine Froese is happy to be writing at 30,000 feet again. Invite her to speak at your next ag event. She has 30-plus years of practical insights for farmers to have the life they\u2019ve always wanted. One day at a time.\u00a0Visit <a href=\"http:\/\/www.elainefroese.com\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\">here <\/span><\/a>or Instagram <span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@farmfamilycoach<\/a><\/span> and hit the Linktree bio. Send cards to Box 957, Boissevain MB R0K 0E0.<\/p>\r\n<strong>Follow Elaine on Social for More Helpful Farm Family Advice!<\/strong>\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Facebook<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Instagram<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.linkedin.com\/in\/farmfamilycoach\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">LinkedIn<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/elainefroese\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Twitter<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/c\/farmfamilycoach\/videos\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">YouTube<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/www.tiktok.com\/@farmfamilycoach\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">TikTok<\/a><\/span>\r\n\r\nDid you enjoy<em><strong> How to re-invent your farm life as you age with Mind-Switch? <\/strong><\/em>You might want to check these articles out too:\r\n\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/08\/25\/your-farms-emotional-tank-needs-checking\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Your Farm\u2019s Emotional Tank Needs Checking<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/07\/14\/you-are-not-alone-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">You are not alone<\/a><\/span>\r\n<span style=\"color: #44b6ac;\"><a style=\"color: #44b6ac;\" href=\"https:\/\/elainefroese.com\/2022\/06\/30\/how-to-love-a-farmer-2\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">How to Love a Farmer<\/a><\/span>","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[297,1124,3,4,70,169,352,113,74,127,259,363,353,35,49,1117,441,195,76,369,26,367,1832,398],"class_list":["post-10002","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","tag-agriculture","tag-coaching","tag-communication","tag-conflict-resolution","tag-elaine-froese","tag-families","tag-family-business-meetings","tag-farm-business","tag-farm-families","tag-farm-family","tag-farm-family-coach","tag-farm-family-coaching","tag-farm-family-discussions","tag-farm-folks","tag-farm-management","tag-farm-partners","tag-farm-relationships","tag-farm-team","tag-farmers","tag-farming-business","tag-farming-family","tag-inspiration","tag-iowa-farming","tag-young-farmers"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - 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