This is the time of year when little ones are full of ideas of what should be under the Christmas tree. It’s also the time of year when parents are recovering their energy after a long harvest, cattle processing, and navigating the myriad demands of working off the farm and managing a farm business.

Recently, at a Saskatchewan Women in Ag Conference in Saskatoon, I asked my audience of young and older farm and ranch women what they truly needed in this moment. You might be surprised by the texts they sent me.

1. “Understanding my point of view.” Here’s a woman whom I had coached the day before as she sought to find out how her role is changing as she ages in place on her farm. She was also seeking a new accountant who could help navigate the complexity of a large farm. One of the most powerful positive conflict behaviours is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Can you ask your spouse, “What is it you truly need in this season”?

2. “I need to know how to deal with a father-in-law who is stubborn, won’t let go, and is a dead man walking with 2 heart attacks.” Many farm founders continue working hard with their heads down, believing everything will “just work out” if they work harder. Folks don’t let go of anything unless they believe they can move toward something better. Founders have a strong identity connection to their power as managers, and letting go of power and control requires trust. It also begs a strong financial certainty that the next generation has the skills to manage well and not “lose the farm.” When you need folks to let go, ask, “I am just curious, what are you truly afraid of as you let go of your manager roles”?

3. “I need procrastination to stop! I need to sit with that and make a plan!” This woman understands that change begins with her behaviour. She is self-aware in understanding her need to think about what she needs and wants, and activate a plan to make it happen. Christmas is a big marker in our year; it’s a time of celebration and another reminder that another year has quickly flown by. What have we accomplished this year to give folks on our farm team more clarity for the family’s future and the vision of the farm?

4. “I need compassionate conflict resolution.” Note the emphasis on compassion. You can do conflict well with the intent not to cause harm to others, and to attack the problem, not the person. Frankly, I‘ve had a tough week hearing sad stories of betrayal, violent conflict over inheritance expectations, and siblings who need to find ways to exit.

Sad stories will not motivate action. Sound communication, which expresses emotion in a caring, compassionate way, can move mountains. Start expressing how decisions make you feel and learn more emotional descriptors beyond sad and mad. “I am feeling hopeful and excited that we are finally sitting down with a facilitator to figure out what everyone expects and needs in this farm transition.”

5. I need a way to approach my in-laws to decrease my anxiety. Many daughters-in-law who have great financial skills and contribute to the work of the farm are worried about how they can ask for what they need from the founding parents without coming across as entitled or conflict creators. The best way to make an approach is to come from curiosity, prepare the older generation with a typed letter of what you want to talk about and why, and then set a time to meet, uninterrupted. “Being clear is kind,” says Brene Brown, renowned researcher on emotional intelligence and vulnerability. It takes courage to be vulnerable with the family you married into, but “love does not read minds.” Be brave, be prepared, and practice positive conflict resolution skills, like reaching out, adapting, and creating solutions as you attack the challenges/problems, not the people.

6. Someone to hold my hand while we work through family conflict. You are not alone. As coaches, we have confidential coaching calls on Zoom with you and your spouse, the founder couple, and siblings. In our practice, we believe that conflict resolution is a business risk management strategy that can be learned by incorporating better conflict language, well-crafted meetings, and accountability to action. Coaches keep the space for communication safe and respectful. We can also help you find out what your current strengths are with the online tool “Conflict Dynamic Profile” available here.

You can only change yourself. What would it look like for you to be skilled at asking for what you truly need this Christmas to embrace the vision you have for yourself, your spouse, and your family, including the in-laws on your farm team?

Embrace assumption-free living and ask respectfully for what you truly need. Let me know how this gift impacts your new year!

Did you enjoy What do you truly need for Christmas? You might want to check these articles out, too:

Contentment in Times of Prescriptive Joy
Navigating Farm Life: Making Intentional Choices to Manage Burnout
Building HR Skills for a Stronger Family Business

I’m going to be honest, there are certain things about the holidays that I dread. Not only does the minimalist inside of me cringe at all of the stuff that is advertised, sometimes as early as September, but this time of year brings on an underlying pressure to feel happy. Soundtracks and store banners imply that joy should come naturally, when in reality, it may not be exactly what everyone wants to feel.

For many folks, the holidays can be a difficult season. Surrounded by merriment, many people experience loneliness, heartache for previously strong, now broken family connections, or the emptiness felt from the loss of loved ones. Several farming families that I have coached have found Christmas time to be difficult as they are still navigating farm transition conversations with some unresolved conflicts. Even for those who have family and friends to spend time with, gatherings focused on desserts and gift-giving cannot distract a farmer who is worried about the price of wheat or how to rewrite the will. Just when things have slowed down, and you are reflecting on how stressful harvest was because of the ill-timed rain, someone wishes you ‘peace and joy.’ The last thing you likely need is someone telling you ‘it’s the most wonderful time of year’ while handing you a holiday card full of smiling faces.

What is it about Joy that makes it difficult to feel?

I can’t say I’ve met a lot of farmers who have talked openly about moments of joy, I think, because farming is so unpredictable in nature. In her book Atlas of Heart, which is essentially an encyclopedia of emotions, Brené Brown defines joy as a “feeling of deep spiritual connection, pleasure, and appreciation.” This is an emotion that a farmer may have a hard time embracing at times, given the challenges of running a business at the mercy of Mother Nature. Brown adds that joy is “the most vulnerable human emotion” because people have a hard time allowing themselves to “lean into good news [and] wonderful moments… because we believe if we allow ourselves to feel joy, we are inviting disaster.” Brown calls this ‘foreboding joy’ – the idea that in a moment of potential happiness, we are waiting for something bad to happen. You may have experienced this at harvest time when your crop is coming in, and you are seeing better yields than you expected. You want to feel hopeful in the moment – maybe even happy – but instead you think about and anticipate something bad happening that could affect your bottom line.

What if, this holiday season, we give ourselves a break from the pressure to feel joy if it’s not working for us. One alternative could be focusing on contentment, a state of being that Brown calls “the feeling of completeness, appreciation, and ‘enoughness’ that we experience when our needs are satisfied.” Brown explains that “contentment is about satisfaction, and that, ironically, is an unsatisfying idea for a lot of people.” In a world that seems obsessed with over-the-top moments of happiness and seeking out all of the ways to buy and experience these moments, it can be hard to allow ourselves to feel just… fulfilled, not more or less. Think about the time you saw your neighbour’s new combine and thought, Wouldn’t I be happier if I had one? Brown concludes with “If we’re not satisfied with our life as a whole, does this mean we need to go and get and do the stuff that will make us satisfied… or does this mean we stop taking for granted what we have so we can experience real contentment and enoughness?”

I have seen many farm families experience contentment together after their second family meeting, where we facilitate dialogue. Any tensions felt at the first meeting have decreased thanks to our addressing major conflicts that were previously not being talked about constructively. Everyone has had his or her voice heard, has expressed thoughts and feelings openly, and has been able to share a hope or vision for the farm. There are no unrealistic outlooks giving false hope or pressure to be happy with anticipated changes to come. What is felt by those in the meeting is an appreciation for where the farm is at now – even without the new combine – and a sense of sufficiency because the family has realized that keeping the farm and the family intact is more important than buying the newest model.

Here are some ways to feel more content this holiday season:

1. Share the tough moments – When someone reaches out to wish you Merry Christmas, don’t be afraid to admit that it was a tough year. Just because it’s implied that the holidays are meant to be joyful, you can give yourself grace if that’s not how it feels.
2. Celebrate the small wins – You may not have figured out the perfect crop rotation for that new seed variety, but you got through another growing season in good health. There is so much to appreciate on the farm when things are working well, even when the new or bigger goals are not yet accomplished.
3. Practice gratitude – I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but research shows that gratitude can improve sleep, mental health, physical wellbeing, and more. Robert Emmons, a professor of psychology at the University of California, explains that gratitude helps us appreciate what we have instead of seeking out new things to make us happy. He writes, “gratitude makes us appreciate the value of something… we’re less likely to take it for granted.” While this practice may seem oversimplified, research has shown that adopting small habits of expressing gratitude, individually or in teams, can have a big impact.

Did you enjoy Contentment in Times of Prescriptive Joy? You might want to check these articles out, too:

Navigating Farm Life: Making Intentional Choices to Manage Burnout
Building HR Skills for a Stronger Family Business
7 Ways to Streamline Your Farm Transition Process

The unhelpful term “work/life balance” and trying to maintain it, is an evergreen issue in agriculture. During busy times, or times when we are short on labour or taking care of others, it can be important to address not just “work/life balance,” but burnout too. In 2020, I wrote an article titled “6 tips to Avoid Burnout on the Farm,” a topic that is worth revisiting.

In this blog, I will highlight a few items from that article as well as some additional tips to manage burnout.

If you are feeling overwhelmed and overworked in your current circumstances, consider these ideas and implement necessary adjustments in how you invest your time and energy.

#1 – Time: Your Most Valuable Asset

How do you structure your time? Whether you prefer pen and paper, digital notes, or a calendar app, the key is to find a system that works for you. I often use a timer for focused, 25-minute work blocks to kickstart projects with limited time. Our son, who farms, relies on a large whiteboard for planning. The crucial element is to intentionally block out time for what truly matters.

Dr. Richard Swenson, author of Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, advocates for creating more “white space” in our schedules. This margin allows for interruptions and the unexpected, providing much-needed breathing room in our lives.

Farmers, I can hear your skepticism. “Elaine,” you might say, “the work on this farm is never finished! We simply don’t have enough time, or enough hands!” On our farm, Sundays are dedicated to margin time for family and faith. While the cows still need feeding, have you neglected to carve out renewal time for yourself and your family?

Are you making time for fulfilling leisure activities away from work? Play isn’t just for children; it’s vital for parents and grandparents too.

#2 – Cultivating a Morning Routine

David Irvine encourages farmers to establish a daily 20-minute habit for reflection or quiet time. My routine involves breakfast first, followed by time in my quiet chair. This period is invaluable for spiritual growth and for contemplating the day’s priorities.

From a business perspective, imagine dedicating 20 minutes each morning to reflect on your farm’s goals and map out your week.

Irvine also suggests a weekly 30-minute “planning session.” I recently did this with my daughter-in-law to coordinate meals for workers, childcare, and my coaching schedule. When you create a plan aligned with your core values, you’ll experience a greater sense of being “on track.”

During a power outage, I enjoyed a wonderful phone conversation with a dear friend. Connecting with friends is one of my top five core values. A highly successful entrepreneur recently shared his best tip on a podcast: he blocks one hour every Thursday evening to connect with friends, even if it’s just a phone call.

Are you prioritizing routine connections like birthday cards and phone calls to the important people in your life? Farming can be lonely and feel isolated. Connection to the community helps folks check in with each other and walk alongside.

#3 – Optimizing Your Energy Management

One of the most effective ways to manage your energy is to return to the fundamentals: rest, nutrition, and movement. Are you getting sufficient sleep? Are you fueling your body with regular, nutritious meals? Are you incorporating plenty of physical activity throughout your day?

These are basic principles. I once encouraged a frustrated farmer to see his doctor, and he later thanked me profusely. He discovered two significant health issues requiring attention and felt remarkably better within two weeks. And several years ago, I made substantial dietary changes due to a wheat allergy, resulting in less “brain fog” and increased energy.

Check out my podcast with wellness coach Lisa Lounsbury here!

#4 – Empowerment Through Choice in Work Situations

Young farmers, who are also parents, often feel caught between the demands of the farm and the responsibilities of raising young children. Is your voice heard at the farm planning table when you request more time off? Do you negotiate the reasonable and unreasonable work expectations of your farm managers? It’s crucial to feel satisfied with how you manage the demands and stress in your life. My spouse serves as an excellent mirror for me; when he senses I’m becoming overwhelmed, he checks in, offers support, or asks what’s happening.

Be gracious and humble when seeking help. Comparison is a joy thief, so I suggest you stop comparing yourself to how other parents manage their overflowing schedules. Be courageous enough to do what is right for your unique situation and what aligns with your core beliefs and values.

#5 – Strategizing Action for What Isn’t Working

Change is inevitable; growth is optional. We have the power to be assertive, take action, and forge a new way of being. The initial conversation is always with yourself.

David Irvine encourages us to ask, “What can I remove from my day today to make room for what is most important?”

I wonder if you find yourself distracted and drawn into the social media vortex of Instagram, X, or Facebook. Perhaps a social media “fast” could free up time for courageous conversations and quality time with your spouse.

#6 – Prioritize Rest and Breaks

Farming and ranching can involve long days. The dream of a vacation, sometime in the future, is not enough to keep you going, so building in short breaks during the day, some family or rest time during the week (even if only part of a day), and an adequate sleep routine, can be the difference between burning out or not.

You can read more about rest in this previous blog post by Lydia Carpenter

#7 – Delegate and Share the Workload

Trying to do everything alone, even if you are the only one who can do it right, is exhausting and unsustainable. If the workload is too much for one person, hire seasonal help, ask neighbours for help, hire some work to be custom done, and figure out creative ways to delegate and share the workload where possible.

#8 – Stay Connected and Seek Support

Isolation increases stress and overwhelm and can make what once felt light feel heavy. To stay connected to others, you can join a peer group, host a farmer/rancher potluck, attend community events, or go to conferences. You can also seek additional support services via coaching and facilitation, and we have The Farm Family Transition Membership you can join. You can also find additional mental health services and supports here:

• Do More Agriculture Foundation
  • Focus: Mental health support, awareness, and training for Canadian agriculture.
  • Website: www.domore.ag
• National Farmers Mental Health Alliance (NFMHA)
  • Focus: Agriculture-Informed Therapy, education, and counseling for farm families and vets.
  • Website: www.nfmha.ca
  • Toll-free: 1-877-639-8828
• Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) Canada – Mental Health Commission of Canada
  • Focus: Nationally recognized mental health first aid training.
  • Website: www.mhfa.ca
• Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) USA – National Council for Mental Wellbeing
  • Focus: Mental health training for rural communities and the general public.
  • Website: www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org

Did you enjoy Navigating Farm Life: Making Intentional Choices to Manage Burnout? You might want to check these articles out, too:

Building HR Skills for a Stronger Family Business
7 Ways to Streamline Your Farm Transition Process
How To Save On Your Next Accounting Bill

We are in winter prep mode. We are bringing cattle home from lease pastures and making sure everything is in place to handle a foot of snow should it come. One benefit provided by the seasonality of farming in a northern climate is the relative downtime winter provides. Winter allows for reflection time and rest. It is also a time to invest in continuing education and peer support.

Reflection, curiosity, and continuing education are a learned and intentional part of how we run our farm in southwestern Manitoba. Reflective questions help us make decisions for what we might need to change or do differently in the future – “What are the things we need to learn about and integrate to make our business and family dynamic and farm better?”

As entrepreneurs and producers, we often focus heavily on production, marketing, and finance. These are good things, and certainly play a role in some of the questions asked above. One particular area that we have been exploring more on our farm and business, and that I often encourage other entrepreneurs to invest more in via my facilitation work, is Human Resource training.

Human Resources training, or the people side of things, is particularly helpful if you have employees or are working multigenerationally. It can also help with spousal and sibling partnerships.

Here are some key areas that fall under Human Resources Management – where skills development can be as critical for your operation as your production and marketing plan:

Staff Training and Retention:
We need people to work on our farms. We require the skills and abilities to provide training and upskilling opportunities for ourselves and also for staff and the next generation. There is a huge incentive to retain key talent and skilled labour to ensure continuity and to capture intergenerational knowledge.

Staff training and retention efforts can have a significant impact on farm and ranch culture, too. Providing learning and training opportunities, seeking feedback, or simply posting a sign that says “We care” (while you also act like you care) can make a huge difference. Compensation can also be an issue impacting staff retention, so a company culture that improves profitability and reduces waste (in the form of time and material waste), and focuses on livable wages can make a big difference.

Conflict Resolution and Mediation Skill Building:
If you are looking for some skill-building that can change your workplace for the better, and help you raise your kids and get along with your spouse, you can start here. Conflict is everywhere, and it is not bad. You can be in a good conflict.

Years ago, when I started taking conflict resolution and mediation training, my ‘aha’ moment was when I realized that conflict skills are real, and unskilled or destructive conflict is preventing people from more creative forms of conflict and problem solving. A major issue in farm transitions, family business, and workplaces is unspoken and unresolved conflict.

Conflict resolution and mediation skills can also help when having difficult conversations around implementing new policies and best practices, or exploring complex or new governance and role clarity on the farm. Many institutions and organizations provide in-person and online learning. I can sit at my farm kitchen table in Manitoba and take a course from the Justice Institute of BC in Vancouver, or, I have the option of going to take an in-person course at Mediation Services in Winnipeg.

Cultural and Organizational Alignment:
What is the culture of your farm? What are your values? Knowing your culture and discussing your values can help bring you into organizational and familial alignment. Values are not prescribed, but discussed, and embraced. You have individual values and organization values. Do you value honesty, cooperation, independence, security, or is it courage, accountability, compassion, and creativity? There are many more, and there is no wrong answer here. What is important is to ensure alignment between family values and business goals.

What happens when different family members or family units in the business value different things? Perhaps exploring core values is more central, and training can give you the skills to do and lead effectively. Having a clear set of core values can help with leadership integration, next-generation transition, and founders’ exit.

Policy and Governance:
One recommendation for young farmers as you step into management and leadership on your own farm is to seek out opportunities to sit on a volunteer board and take advantage of learning about governance and policy outside the farm.

So often on the farm, the rules are not written, but held in stories, histories, and memory. It can be really helpful to explore, practice, and implement policies that clarify expectations around things like compensation, perks, and workplace accountability, and to have a more professional standard in a family-run environment where people might make assumptions about what others are supposed to be doing.

Having a space and some skills to explore policy and governance does not mean you need to take the fun out of farming, but that there is clarity around roles, responsibilities, performance, asset transfer, and transition, among other things. You might also have policies around safety and equipment use, social media, sourcing, and family member engagement.

Managing Family and Non-family Dynamics:
It is important to appreciate and navigate the complexity of relationships and family histories within a family business. This can be a difficult and ongoing challenge that requires skill building and personal and team work. Appreciating the unique dynamics between family members and employees can be key to the sustainability and future success of the farm or ranch.

If you have non-family employees who play a significant role in the current and future success of your business, it is important to have objective criteria for fair treatment of both non-family and family workers throughout the business transition. When leadership changes, it is important to communicate clearly with employees and ensure that members of the leadership team have the training to support the continuity of employee satisfaction as well as their own confidence in leading a team, whether it be family members or non-family employees.

Investing in leadership training can build additional trust among team members and also reduce destructive conflict cycles.

Did you enjoy Building HR Skills for a Stronger Family Business? You might want to check these articles out, too:

7 Ways to Streamline Your Farm Transition Process
How To Save On Your Next Accounting Bill
How to Say “Sorry” at Harvest

Fair Family Price vs Fair Market Value Price or FFP vs FMV is often a tense conversation between the founders needing to sell assets for their personal income stream and the buyer, often the cash-strapped successor on the farm. To offer readers some wisdom on this conversation I asked our coaching teammate Glenn Dogterom, CPA to offer his experience and insights.

Here’s some food for thought from Glenn and my coaching experience:

1. Start with determining the Fair Market Value by using a certified Appraiser. If you want to find a local appraiser you can ask your lender for referrals, and you can google “agricultural appraiser”.  One of our membership site members gathered 2 appraisals for her farm so she was confident she had a good number to start the conversation of transition with her successor. 
2. What is the nature of the farming operation and its size?  Is it a large highly profitable enterprise or a smaller family operation with marginal profitability?  This is a viability question and relates to our coaching queries about how many families the farm’s cash flow or income stream can support.
3. What is the nature of the assets being purchased – is it actual farmland, equipment and buildings (infrastructure) or is it shares in a farming company? This is where a current asset list is helpful. Some folks are visual leaners and to make good decisions they want to see data and facts. How much of the actual farmland is for crop or pasture? What kind of market value does the equipment have? Do the buildings need a lot of upgrading? How many shares in the farming company are available for purchase? By when? Are the shares growth shares for the next generation? Are the founders wanting preferred shares for future income? Do non-farming siblings have access to farm shares? 
4. The successor needs to prepare a business plan that can be presented to the finance company as part of their application in determining how much the finance company is willing to provide towards the purchase. There is always going to be a collateral requirement which could be in the range of 20 to 25% of the FMV.  This may dictate just how much it is practical to expect as a family discount. As a young farmer what kind of collateral are you bringing to the table?
   

Often discounts have a very wide range based on family dynamics, however it is not uncommon for the discount to be in the range of 15%, which can lead to a shortfall of 5 to 10% of the amount that may be available from financing. There are a number of ways that shortfall might be addressed depending on the specific circumstances. For example, It may take the form of a promissory note to make up the difference.

Due to the extremely high price of farmland there is often a gifting component to enable a successor to take the operation on.  

The other issue is what protections are there for the seller (Founders) in the event of an early sale by the successor.  One of several options may take the form of a graduated retention by the successor where they receive no advantage if they sell within one year, increasing as the agreement reaches maturity in 10 to 20 years (as determined by the parties). Lawyer Mona Brown in Manitoba has used the term “poison pill” to describe legal agreements which prevent the successor from farming for just a few years and then selling out. Brown uses a pro-rated agreement that protects the other non-farm heirs from having a sibling who “cashes out “the farm in 5 years.

Remember that it likely took the parents 40 plus years to achieve what they have built up and it is not unreasonable for the successor to be looking at a long term for the purchase. (Keep the expectations realistic).  

Many folks on our weekly group coaching calls appreciate Glenn’s  years of wisdom from all the farm scenarios he as seen in over 30 years of advising farm families. Glenn is going to be missed when he retires from our coaching team in January, so we have welcomed Alyssa Brown, CPA from Olds Alberta who will continue to take on coaching queries related to farm accounting and transition in our breakout rooms on zoom.

If you would like to be part of our group coaching 3 times a month, go to www.elainefroese.com/membership today to sign up. Learn from our coaches and each other as farmers in transition. Your whole family is welcome to be part of the learning journey.

Visit Country Guide’s digital archives for the November 2023 edition called “This New Land, the Challenge of High Prices “  

See the relationship manager at your local FCC, bank or credit union to share your current net worth statement, find appraiser referrals, and build your business plan for your vision of the farm. Advisors want to see your farm family succeed but they cannot “do the pushups for you” as Stu McLaren, my mentor for our membership site has said.

Doing the work of having emotionally laden conversations about buying land and equipment can be hard, but you can do hard things with facilitation using experience coaches who know how to keep the conversations safe and respectful, to create solutions that are win/win for each generation. 

As Glenn mentioned above, family dynamics plays a role in the discounted prices agreed to. Make sure you keep financial transparency with both your farm heirs and your non-farm heirs. When folks understand why certain decisions are made, they are likely more able to come to peace about the outcomes. 

Your discussions about fair family price and expectations about not using fair market value will set the tone of relationships for harmony in your family and business. You get to choose to be cowardly and not do the work of appraisal, assets lists, and debt servicing expectations or you get to embrace the tools mentioned and have peaceful sleep at night.

Elaine Froese and Glenn Dogterom are part of Farm Family Coach Inc. A farm transition coaching team designed to empower farm families across North America building harmony through understanding . Reach out for a free discovery call and listen to Elaine’s podcast.

Did you enjoy How to Talk About Fair Family Price for Land and Other Farm Assets? You might want to check these articles out too:

Building Effective Decision Making Systems
Not Talking About Your Emotions Will Make You a Bad Decision Maker
How to Clean Up Your Conflict Filter and Shift Your Avoidance Mindset

If you listen to enough ag podcasts, you’ll soon conclude that the success of a farm family business comes from people having the power to flourish and make good decisions. 

Courtney Pullen’s book “Intentional Wealth…how families build legacies of stewardship and financial health“ speaks to effective family systems.

Strong families who know their values can create a mission statement for their farm, they know their “why”. Their vision for the future is the “what”. Knowing why you are operating your farm and what your goal is help you create a solid foundation or in Pullen’s words, an “anchor”.

How you create action comes from your system of making decisions or “family governance”.

How do you make decisions together as a family?

Some decisions with how the family operates may come from family council approach.  A family council to run a family is different than a governance or family business meeting model to run your farm operations and do strategic thinking.

How farm business decisions are made comes from the structure and processes of the farm family business.

Here’s some of Pullen’s tips for designing a system of governance:

1. Start with what you have.
2. Keep it appropriately simple.
3. Focus on strengths
4. Foster leadership within the family
5. Emphasize ongoing communication through regular meetings
6. Establish a formal structure with a governance model that works for you.

The best time to start working on more structure and better decision making for your farm team is now. For example, what is your policy for loans or gift to family members?  Pullen says, “You might want a 48-hour cooling off period. Folks may need to consult the founders. The first-generation couple would have to consult with each other before giving an answer. If the amount is over $10,000, they would also consult their financial advisor. The second-generation members would follow the same process and consult with parents.”  I remember coaching a family who was quietly writing large cheques to an adult child in a large city because the child was not financially savvy. This lack of financial transparency was not healthy for the family or the farm business.

Here’re a few more questions to ask.

What is the overall vision for family participation? Pullen uses an example where only family members have voting rights in decision making. Spouses may get to sit in on the meetings for information. Other families use a consensus model. I believe every member of the family and their spouses or partners have skills and talents to offer to the growth and health of the farm business. Are you making assumptions as to who should be “left out” from the farm business meetings? You may be denying that a new approach or radical decision may be effective for your business goals.  Ask each person to declare what level of involvement they would like to contribute to the decision-making process. Some folks, like non-farm spouses just want to be kept in the loop of information and don’t want to have a vote in the decision making of the operation.

Who gets to be an owner? There are highly skilled women in agriculture who would like the answer to this question from their fathers typically who don’t see them as “being able” to manage and not fail!  Fear of failure is a huge unspoken fear of the founding generation.

How do the new owners pay for their interest? And how do they exit? This is the policy giving clarity to debt servicing and business structure with shares which helps the next generation set up their debt financing. I once had a young farmer go to a lender where he was surprised to find $750K he could use to work towards paying his father out. The young farmer had no idea what power he had until he made the step to research lender options.

What are the criteria to work in the business? How are roles determined? You have read my articles on roles in the past, and the importance of having clear job descriptions. Ask me for Wittman’s job description list As a founder your role is changing as you age in place on the farm, yet you are “stepping back without stepping away!”

How is compensation determined? What is the process for hiring family members?

How do you foster leadership with personal development plans?

Who decides how performance is evaluated?

Dick Wittman, a renowned farm management consultant talks often about the professionalization of the farm business. His farm uses a board of directors’ model. Pullen cites an example where family members are voted in to the board of directors by a large family. Underneath the board of directors there is a Family Foundation Board and an Investment Company Board with each board having a mix of family and non-family advisors. Your farm’s CEO may listen and learn from the family and have ultimate decision making while still being in close communication with the family office. Your board of advisors may help implement policy and be a great training ground for younger family members to learn more about business and leadership.

A model and system for making great decisions on the farm is likely unique to your farm family culture and preferences, but the key to is have a structure and process that everyone buys into for making effective decisions.

I mentioned podcasts, and I think you would enjoy Farm4Profit’s interview with Kristjan Hiebert and Evan Shout, (Episode 414) and their own podcast, The Truth about Ag. Some farmers don’t appreciate large growth farms but there are nuggets on decision making and development of employees that may flame some new ideas for you. Hiebert and Shout are both former professional accountants, so the numbers and financial data is their game they love to make data-based decisions for the farm. Even if you don’t like their large-scale approach, you might like the ideas of QR codes in machines to enhance learning and training of farm workers.

What’s one thing you can do this fall to have a better decision-making system on your farm?

Elaine Froese and her team facilitate communication to help you be conflict aware and find harmony through understanding. Learn about our membership or reach out for a free discovery call with Lydia. Farmfamilyharmonypodcast.com should be on your playlist!

Did you enjoy Building Effective Decision Making Systems? You might want to check these articles out too:

Not Talking About Your Emotions Will Make You a Bad Decision Maker
How to Clean Up Your Conflict Filter and Shift Your Avoidance Mindset
Thinking Inside the Box of Lateral Thinking

Hello, everyone! This is Crisol Gonzalez and I’m back again with some thoughts to chew over. Today, I want to talk about a statement I often hear: “Talking about emotions will make you a bad decision maker.” Whenever I ask why people believe this, they usually say, “If you base your decisions on emotions, you won’t think logically, and everything will fall apart.”

I get that concern, but I see it differently. I like to think of emotions as the control panel on your tractor. If you’ve ever watched the movie Inside Out, it does a great job of showing how emotions work as our personal control system.

Now, think about how you read the gauges, lights, and sounds on your tractor, combine, or the controls in your milking parlor. You’ve probably spent years getting good at understanding your machinery, investing time and energy to learn how to use these tools effectively. And you take pride in that, right? Well, that’s exactly how emotions work in our lives. We humans are built in a complex and amazing way, and our emotions are like the lights and alarms that guide us through daily life, whether it’s with family, friends, or coworkers.

Our bodies are constantly reading signals about how we relate to those around us—our spouse, kids, neighbors, farmhands, clients, veterinarians, nutritionists, and more. Learning to understand emotions is like learning to read the warning lights on your tractor. It helps you better understand yourself and go beyond just feeling “angry” or “bad.” When you dig deeper, you can figure out what’s really going on and what you need to fix.

Maybe you’re thinking, “If I don’t pay attention to my emotions, they’ll just go away.” But that’s not true. Ignoring emotions won’t make them disappear; they’ll still be there, just under the surface, affecting how you think and act. When we don’t recognize our emotions, we end up making “rational decisions” that aren’t very rational at all. For example, maybe you start avoiding your spouse because you don’t want to discuss the new loan you had to take out for the farm. Or you grab a beer or cigarette at the end of the day to “calm your nerves.” These are unconscious ways our bodies cope when we don’t have better tools to handle stress or sadness.

One book we recommend a lot in coaching is Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B. Rosenberg. It explains that emotions are our body’s immediate response to life’s experiences. Think about how you reacted the first time you tasted something bitter, like an olive. That initial emotion of disgust is an automatic response. But once you attach a thought to that emotion, it becomes a feeling.

For example, picture the last time your grandkid handed you a drawing they made just for you. Your initial emotional response might have been a smile and feeling happy. But when you add the thought of how that little person took the time to make something special for you, it deepens into feelings of love and appreciation. That thought can even create a physical reaction—you might feel warm inside, relaxed, or energized. These reactions happen in our bodies all the time. It’s proof that emotions use energy, which is why you might feel exhausted after a stressful day, a close call, or attending a funeral.

Since emotions are a natural part of life, how do we embrace them and use them wisely?

Karla McLaren, in her book Embracing Anxiety: How to Access the Genius of This Vital Emotion, talks about emotions being a “vital aspect of everything we do—thinking, deciding, relating, acting, loving, and healing.” She explains four key points for mastering emotions:

1. There are no negative or positive emotions. We often learn in our families what emotions are “good” or “bad.” Some people grow up believing that crying is a sign of weakness, and the only acceptable emotion is anger. So instead of feeling sad, they express frustration because it’s what they were taught. Emotions are neither good nor bad; they’re just signals, like a light on your tractor’s dashboard. I encourage you to look up the “Wheel of Emotions” or download the Wheel of Feels app. It can help you identify a wider range of emotions, beyond just the ones you’re used to showing.
2. Emotions come in different levels of intensity, and having the right vocabulary is key. McLaren refers to research by Lisa Feldman Barrett, which shows that the more specific you can be in naming your emotions, the better you can manage them. Being able to precisely name how you’re feeling—whether it’s “irritated,” “frustrated,” or “enraged”—helps you regulate your body’s response and organize your thoughts. Think of it as diagnosing a problem with your equipment. The more specific you are, the quicker you can fix it.
3. Emotions often come in clusters. You’ve probably had moments where you weren’t sure what you were feeling. Maybe you just ignored it, but McLaren says that’s normal—sometimes emotions come in groups. For example, when your child or grandchild got married, you might have felt both happy and sad at the same time. It’s common to experience mixed emotions, and recognizing this can help you see the value each emotion brings to your life.
4. Learn to channel your emotions in a healthy way. We often develop coping mechanisms to avoid dealing with what’s really bothering us. McLaren suggests seeing emotions as useful information. For instance, if you feel angry, ask yourself what action or situation triggered it. Once you understand that, you can talk to others about what’s upsetting you and ask for what you need. This helps you set boundaries and communicate more effectively, both in the barn and at home.

As we move through this month, I hope you take some time to work on your emotional “control panel.” Start by expressing emotions like gratitude, happiness, and love. Pay attention to how these emotions feel in your body, and practice sharing what brings them out in you. Your emotions, like your tractor’s gauges, are there to guide you—don’t ignore them.

– Crisol Gonzalez

Did you enjoy Not Talking About Your Emotions Will Make You a Bad Decision Maker ? You might want to check these articles out too:

How to Clean Up Your Conflict Filter and Shift Your Avoidance Mindset
Thinking Inside the Box of Lateral Thinking
How to Discuss the UndiscussabullTM

When the dust of harvest rolls and clogs up the efficiency of your combine filters, you don’t keep going, you stop and clean or replace the filter. If you spread your fingers open across your face, you are creating body language for the conflict filter clogging up the communication for your farm team.

It’s time to get rid of your negative mindset around conflict.  

Drop your hand from covering your face, look up and see the eyeballs of the person who needs to understand your needs, and start calm, respectful conversations with your family and farm team.

Can you embrace the idea and mindset conflict is not bad? Tension in making quick decisions in harvest time or other times of high stress does NOT have to cause instant blow-ups. The culture of your farm is what you believe to be true (your values), how you behave towards one another, and how you make decisions.

Positive conflict behaviour looks like this:

1. You express your emotions in a healthy way. “It really frustrates me when you cut so high because the field operator in the fall is going to have issues with the high stubble. Would you please lower your header to this number…”. Slamming the pick-up door, and not talking is the way to keep your conflict unhealthy. Use a wide range of labels for how you are feeling or being impacted by other people’s behaviour. “We go to a lot of work to support you in the field and we really feel valued and appreciated when you make the effort to bring the meal buckets home to the back door as a sign of courtesy to us. Thank-you for being considerate of what we need.”
2. You create solutions and don’t attack the person. “Wow that combine is really plugged up, you are such an idiot, why can’t you every learn to slow down?” Yikes ! Practice attacking the issue. “The combine is plugging too much, have you figured out why? Mine is set like this, and this is the speed that’s working for me today. Let’s see what solutions we can work out for the plugging to stop for you.” Lumpy swaths may be operator error or high winds !
3. You are willing to reach out to check how others are doing. “How are you doing, are you okay?” is much more helpful than asking “How are you?” Look people in the eye as you listen to their response. Head down, or avoidance of eye contact is a non-verbal answer things are not okay. Reaching out to others is a positive conflict behaviour. The receiver gets to choose their response, and you as the sender of the message cannot predict the response. Everyone gets to choose if they are going to be kind, calm, and respectful. The receiver can also ask for a timeline to be able to process the response rather that swearing, yelling or throwing a shovel in frustration. Bad behaviour is not tolerated on healthy farms. You get the behaviour you accept, so why are you accepting bad language and violent outbursts?
4. You are willing to adapt. Farmers are masters at adapting to challenges. During the high stress of harvest, you can choose to monitor your physical, emotional and mental health with good choices. Rest, good food, encouragement from others, connection to your supportive family and friends, happy radio banter on the two-ways, and positive texting with appreciation. Your language and behaviour set the tone for each long harvest day. “Being clear is kind”, says Brene Brown, a well know researcher on vulnerability.  Machines don’t talk with words, but they vibrate, clunk, and don’t sound well and you stop. People are not machines. People need to be able to ask for what they need and know their voice is respected and heard. Perhaps it is time to ask your crew, “What’s the most important thing you need today to make it a great harvest day?”
5. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Do you know what it feels like to be over 70 with a tender back and spend 13 hours in a combine seat? Is the grain cart operator clear about what it means when lights are blinking, and you have your auger out? Don’t make assumptions your behaviour is well understood, check in with the other person. Try to imagine what it feels like to be a parent with 3 active young children trying to keep up with the field demands of harvest and the crew. The ability to shift your perspective is a huge positive conflict behaviour. As folks age on the farm they may lose confidence in their abilities, especially if the environment is highly charged with blame and bad language. Young people also need positive feedback and constructive comments to help them gain more confidence in completing their tasks well.

Avoiding conflict just allows the issue to grow and the ability for reasonable solutions to wane as time goes on. “Stuffing your anger, hurt, fear or frustration” is the recipe for a volcanic event, also known as a blow-up. Conflict avoidance is not helpful. Ask for time to have a conversation. Make your request for a change in behaviour. Seek permission to create solutions together. 

You can change your mindset, thoughts, language, and actions. You can set the tone for a healthier culture on your farm. If you need more concrete encouragement on how to do this listen to my podcasts.

Have a safe harvest and encourage the heart of your farm with kindness and appreciation.

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Elaine Froese and her team of coaches can coach you from your tractors and combines. Visit https://elainefroese.com/membership to join our membership and get group coaching 3 times a month. Ask us about the online Conflict Dynamic Profile to help you get better at conflict !

Did you enjoy How to Clean Up Your Conflict Filter and Shift Your Avoidance Mindset? You might want to check these articles out too:

Thinking Inside the Box of Lateral Thinking
How to Discuss the UndiscussabullTM
Defining Moments

The phrase “thinking outside the box” originated from The Nine Dots Puzzle. The puzzle includes three rows of three dots each. The idea is to connect all nine dots without lifting your pen or pencil from the paper in as few straight lines as possible. 

The puzzle can be solved in four straight lines. To solve the puzzle in four straight lines you have to draw lines that go beyond the perimeter of the square the dots form. The challenge with this puzzle is we often create artificial borders in our mind because a square is a pattern we are used to. Because we are comfortable with the square we confine our problem solving to the interior of the square. You have to think outside the box. 

The act of thinking outside the box to solve The Nine Dot Puzzle is a form of lateral or horizontal thinking requiring those playing to make unexpected connections between ideas by challenging assumptions and exploring space. You may also recognize lateral thinking puzzles or brain teasers that go a little like this: There are a dozen eggs in a carton. Twelve people each take a single egg, but there is one egg left in the carton. How? ….Answer is at the bottom of this blog. 

The answer may not seem immediately obvious. Some time to evaluate the language, rethink your perspective and sit back and think will get you close to the answer. This is much the same when trying to solve problems as a team. These brain teasers can also be a helpful ice breaker for family or team meetings. 

Here are some techniques for thinking outside the box on our farms and ranches: 

Perception change: In agriculture, our past experiences, our current needs, whether or not we are in time of drought or good rains, the social norms of how we operate, the culture of agriculture (which can be different within different generations, production systems and commodities) and our expectations, all have an impact on our perception. This is what can make working intergenerationally or shifting modes or methods a challenge. 

One way to shift perceptions is to recognize your current perception and work to gather new perspectives. New perspectives can come from asking more curious questions exploring new ideas, being curious about and reflecting on your own thoughts and beliefs , embracing new and different information, and starting to implement change in small ways.

Between generations this is a helpful practice to have more appreciation for one another; both for the value of experience and new ideas. 

Provocation: Challenge assumptions! As a form of provocation, Our coaching team often asks folks “Where is it written….” i.e “ Where is it written that the farm wife is the bookkeeper”. “ Where is it written the next gen will farm without debt”. “ Where is it written that you have to work until you die.” “Where it is written that tax strategy is the most important part of the farm/ranch transition.” 

The intent is to deliberately challenge assumptions. Once an established or repeated belief is challenged, space opens up for new ideas and more powerful conversation and questions. In family business and in farming and ranching, it can be hard, and sometimes unpopular to question the rules of the game; however, exploring and seeking out dissenting opinions can be a very fruitful thought experiment when trying to navigate the complex world of family business and farm and ranch transition. Being provocative can be challenging and vulnerable and this is where insights from other industries, peer support groups, safe space for challenging meetings and conversation, and third party facilitation can be helpful. 

Potential Opening: Ask What if? and Why not? 
Play the “What If…” or “ Why not…” game. Write down all of your “What if…” or “Why not..” questions on recipe cards and sit with your farm/ranch family or team to explore hypothetical situations that keep you up at night or get you jazzed in the morning. “ What if something happened to key person X?” and “ Why not have a quarterly celebration to show appreciation for one another and all of the things that have gone well on the farm and ranch this season (and even for the things that haven’t)?” 

Thinking hats: Which hat are you wearing?
In family business you might think to yourself “ What hat am I wearing”. Are you mom, office manager or owner today? Are you father in law, dad, manager or boss? Are you farming child, herdsman or spouse?

Another reframe around “What hat am I wearing” is to think about your different thinking hats. Edward de Bono came up with the Six Thinking Hats method which encourages us to adopt different perspectives by assigning six distinct hats, each representing a specific mode of

thought. The idea is that by mentally wearing and switching “hats,” you can easily focus on your role, or in the case of thinking hats, on redirecting thoughts, the conversation, or the meeting. This method also recognizes that you can’t and should not take feelings, hunches and intuition of your conversation, but that space can be created for those areas of thought to be nurtured. 

You could go out and buy a hat in each of these colors if you really like hats or visuals: White hat – The White Hat calls for information known or needed. “The facts, just the facts.” 

Yellow hat – The Yellow Hat symbolizes brightness and optimism. Under this hat you explore the positives and probe for value and benefit. 

Black hat – Risks, difficulties, Problems – The risk management Hat, probably the most powerful Hat; a problem however if overused; spot difficulties where things might go wrong, why something may not work, inherently an action hat with the intent to point out issues of risk with intent to overcome them. 

Red hat – The Red Hat signifies feelings, hunches and intuition. When using this hat you can express emotions and feelings and share fears, likes, dislikes, loves, and hates. 

Green hat – The Green Hat focuses on creativity; the possibilities, alternatives, and new ideas. It’s an opportunity to express new concepts and new perceptions. 

Blue hat – The Blue Hat is used to manage the thinking process. It’s the control mechanism that ensures the Six Thinking Hats are observed. 

Answer: The 12th person takes the egg and the carton, leaving the egg inside.

by Lydia Carpenter

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Elaine Froese, Certified coach has a team of coaches ready to help you talk about tough issues. Finding Fairness in Farm Transition workshops help your family find harmony through understanding. Harvest is her favorite time of year, and it can last a long time ! Contact her and her team here.

Did you enjoy Thinking Inside the Box of Lateral Thinking? You might want to check these articles out too:

How to Discuss the Undiscussabull
Defining Moments
Appreciative Inquiry – Focus on Your Family Strengths to Move Forward.

Twenty years ago at coaching school I embraced a beany baby bull as the metaphor for the “bull in the middle of the farm kitchen” which  no one wants to talk about. My “ Tools for Talking about tough issues” can help you navigate the hot days of August on the combine, grain cart, pasture, or off-farm job.

1. Take Charge. You get the behaviour you accept. My combine driving days are past, but I recall our employee Ray explaining to me why it was important to cut the grain lower and not too high. This was unusual behaviour for him as he wasn’t often very vocal about what would make his field work jobs easier to have a better outcome. What are you not taking charge of that you know you should be acting on? I hereby give you permission to ask for what you need. Do it with a kind tone of voice and with respect for the other person.
2. Come from curiosity. My daughter in law has mastered this one when she asks for support with childcare. I appreciate her approach. “I’m just curious if you have time in your day to  _________”. Curiosity comes across without a sense of making a demand or having judgement. It is also helpful to you the words “Would you be able and willing to  _______”. It gives the listener a sense that you truly care to allow them to have a choice in their response for action. Marilee Adams calls this having a learner mindset not being a judger.
3. Ask deeply.  Use open ended questions which don’t have a yes or no answer. “ Tell me how you are feeling during this harvest. You seem to be very frustrated. Can you share what is really going on for you right now ?” Express your desire to be supportive and not a cause of the frustration.  Be open to feedback and give permission to the manager, family member or other workers to share vulnerably with how things are going.
4. Dissect resistance. Rick Maurer wrote “Why don’t you want what I want” many years ago. He sees pushback in conflict coming from the head, heart and gut. 

Folks may not be brave enough to admit to you that they don’t understand how to set the monitors…it’s a head issue. Others may be pushing back from requests because they have an emotional trigger which tells them “I don’t like how this feels !” Others may intuitively feel a lack of trust in their gut which tells them  “I knew it was a bad idea not to check the fuel lid was tight on this combine !” Resistance to talking about tough issues can come from not understanding what is being discussed, not liking how it feels, and not trusting the request for action.

1. Really listen.  Silence your cell phone or better yet put it away in another room . Be present to the conversation at hand. Many coaching families are surprised at the gift of feeling like they have been heard for the very first time. Are you able to seek out common interests by seeking what everyone wants for your farm? Things like family harmony, collaborative decision making, fair compensation? When people’s needs are not getting met you get conflict. Where are the needs disconnect happening?  Our 5 guys harvesting tell us what they like to eat, and drink for meals in the field. We listen. And the next question is, have you listened to what your support team needs to make their jobs easier? (It has something to do with not letting  food container stuff mould in the tractor ).
2. Take time to ponder. Plugging a combine is not fun, neither is shoving decision making too quickly when folks need time to process a lot of new information. Ask the other person “By when you will be able to give me a decision on this?”  Parts people know the urgency of fulfilling orders in the chaos of harvest breakdowns. Remember some folks need more time to make decisions but be sure you agree on the time of execution of the decision. Share your intent about why the decision has a timeline and is so important for you to have an answer. Reflect on the other person’s comments and body language and let them know what effect their communication has on you.  “It’s not my intent to push you away Dad, but we need to figure out new roles for you on this farm as you step back without stepping away. It’s time for me to manage the harvest, and I am happy for your input and wisdom.”
3. Play with possibility.  It was a happy day when our neighbour and his friends pulled into the field with 3 more combines late in the season. He was finished and saw the need. We didn’t think to ask for help, he just showed up. Sometimes we get tangled up when we pre-judge the outcomes for problem solving. Dream big and explore options.  “Where is it written” that is it bad to ask for help?  As I write this, I have already saved 18 hours of my time by having a teenager cut our grass this summer. Leaves me more time for pulling weeds or seeking out lower maintenance yard work options (deep mulch). As you harvest this year, use your time to play with other options for business agreements, possibility a joint venture with a non-family member. 
4. Cultivate trust by being reliable and accountable. Do what you say you are going to do. If you make a mistake, own it, be open about what happened, and then ask what you can do to make things right. This sounds like basic common sense, but as the Australians say, “Common sense is uncommon practice.” Procrastination and poor timing in harvest can cost thousands of dollars. What is the procrastination of avoiding hard conversations costing you with the lack of effective decision making for the future of your farm ? Strategic Coach Dan Sullivan argues procrastination is a good thing while you are building your team of advisors or helpers to get the solutions you desire, if you don’t have the skills in place to do things yourself. Doing the harvest yourself is not going to work, and neither is doing the transition management plan by yourself going to work either. Grab the bull and get talking !

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Elaine Froese, Certified coach has a team of coaches ready to help you talk about tough issues. Finding Fairness in Farm Transition workshops help your family find harmony through understanding. Harvest is her favorite time of year, and it can last a long time ! Contact her and her team here.

Did you enjoy How to Discuss the Undiscussabull ? You might want to check these articles out too:

Defining Moments
Appreciative Inquiry – Focus on Your Family Strengths to Move Forward.
Watch How your Language Kills Transition Conversations and Affects your Mental Health.